this empty-ness.

I miss waking up and saying 'Good morning' to you.

I miss hearing Ur words when im walking down the street.

I miss having the desire to actually talk with You.

I miss getting all the spontaneous msg's or warnings You give me.

I miss saying my thanks and good nite before I close my eyes.

overall.

I miss You, Lord.

Forgive me for my ignorance. Laziness. and everything else that I've put before you.

dont ever pass me by.

thoughts from Lipstick Jungle :P

I’d be a fool if I do something for everyone else except for myself. – lipstick jungle

The second I heard that sentence, I thought to myself and said “how true is that?”
Everything that I’m doing or have done, are they all based on the intention to please everyone else? Or are they based on my fear of looking like a fool if I don’t do what seems right? I have to change, and start thinking about myself.

But then the second passed away, and another thought overcome the previous one. What about the verse that says “It no longer I who lives but Christ lives in me.”? Some of thoughts from the previous paragraph were right, but rather than start thinking about myself, I need to put my heart and focus on His heart and His focus. No more living for the world. No more living for myself. But I’m living for His purpose and His plans. Because no matter what it is, His intentions will always be for my very best.

I may look like a fool for doing what seems uncommon to the world, but help me Lord that I’ll stay in your path always.

please

I feel like i wanna scream..

I feel like i wanna explode..

I feel like I wanna cry...

I feel like i just want to know the answer..

tired of proving the rights or wrong..
so tired of explaining my point of view, since its totally different to yours..
yeah i know you love me, and you want what's best for me, but please just know it's my life and i think it's time for me to make decisions as well.

Overspiritual? is there ever such a thing called overspiritual??
how is it that one can be too spiritual? is there a level that we're too close to God and its wrong?
is overspiritual even biblical?

oh my GOSH!!

im so not going to the fact that we go to different denominations. that should not be a problem since our 'manual book' is the same.

now please, go do what you want to do.
let me find out from HIM what His plans for me are.

i need to find that on my own.

without people forcing their plans on me.

No, that's not what I need.

encouragement

Dani :

Don't worry, De! God will do miracles, tetep percaya ya! Tuhan aja udah buktikan ama yg lain-lain di dlm hidupmu, pasti juga in this one! God is there to save you!

Feli :

Your Big Daddy in heaven's GOT YOU!

a song by Sidney Mohede :

My heart is strengthened by all that I have seen

How I thank God, that He uses other people (directly and indirectly) to remind me of how I should not worry, because I'm not alone. and that I've got Him. I'm in the palm of His hands. I'm the apple of His eye. I will not be forsaken, no i wont. For I am Your child.
You've proven Your faithfulness in my life. You've proven how You loved me so and You care for every single simple things in my life. I know You will do the same this time and forever.

My faith is in YOU. Hallelujah!

My heart is set on things above!

Excited

Wow!! it's been three months since i last wrote in this blog..
miss it so,, but i have been so hectic these past months..

with my studies, my ministry, my work, my own social life, my house..

wow.. time sure has ticked fast..
im still in shock..

well anyways!! i'm EXCITED!!

For tonight!!

the youth ministry in our church is having another TOTALLY YOUTH SERVICE..
but it's different than the TYS before..
why? well maybe because we're all fired up now..
and we all have realized that it's all about souls!!
we have finally come to realize that we're not save just for our own advantages..

salvation.. it's personal,, but it's not an individual thing..
it's for everyone.. ^^

I really really have the desire and longing for people to come and know who Jesus is..

He's my God,,
He's my saviour
My Healer
my Helper (oh yeaah,, got something to share.. later on yaa)
My Friend..
My Father

The One who gave His life for me..

and tonight,, im praying people with have soften hearts, and open their hearts for Him.. :) Let His name be glorified tonight! His awesomeness fill that place..

gotta ciao..
ttyl ;) Gbu

fairness

Sebenernya yg namanya keadilan ga sih?
fair, adil

gw lagi nge-reflect aja keadaan keluarga gw.
and sempet ada sesuatu terlintas di kepala gw, dan gw langsung spontan bilang "ko gak adil banget sih?"

yah klo mo jujur gw msih ngedoain, and gw yakin tahun ini bakal ada yg berubah =)
tapi tetep aja. ko selama ini? kenapa harus nunggu bertahun2 seperti skarang?
ko gak adil banget sih?

dan siapa yg mau gw salahin? Tuhan? gak. Papa / Mama? gak. Indonesia? oh mungkin!

tapi yah udah, apa daya?
adil ato gak, yah emang gak bisa diubah.

terus gw jadi mikir.
speaking ttg 'keadilan', apa iya adil buat gw utk terima grace dari Tuhan itu?
apa adil, gw udah berulang kali jatuh dalam dosa, ngecewain Tuhan, nyia2in anugrah-Nya, tapi pas gw dateng lagi k Tuhan, Dia udah ngelupain semuanya? Apa itu adiL?
Gak sama skali.

yang namanya adil gw gak akan pernah tau ukurannya gimana.
dan mungkin gw gak mau tau. Tapi gw bersyukur Dia Tuhan yg penuh kasih karunia. Yang selalu ngampunin. Oh, bukan berarti Dia lemah & gak adil. Dia adil, coz Dia pun kasih 'grace' itu ke kita smua, gak peduli sejauh apa kita jatuh.

dan skarang gw tau klo yg gw ingini & perlukan itu bukan keadilan, but only grace (kasih karunia itu). =)

1 Yoh 1:9 Jika kita mengaku dosa kita, maka Ia adalah setia dan adil, sehingga Ia akan mengampuni segala dosa kita dan menyucikan kita dari segala kejahatan.

Apa ada keadilan di dunia ini? Yes there is. mungkin ga sesuai dengan ukuran kita, but there is.

turning point

minggu lalu gw lagi sering denger istilah ini: Turning point.
gara2 winter camp and manifest, temen gw sering ngomong ke anak2 teens ttg 2 event tersebut (anak2 teens, di postan berikut gw jelasin deh yah..)
yah untuk sekedar promosiin event2 ini, temen2 gw kasih testi2 ttg acara2 tsebut.
misalnya yah: "YeaH, you guys should come to winter camp!! Last year's camp was the turning point for me!!"
atau
"Come to Manifest guys!! You should come, you wont regret it!! Last year's one was Andrew's turning point."

gara2 keseringan denger istilah "Turning point" itu, gw jadi mikir. When was my turning point??
nah loh.. gw ga bisa inget 1 significant event that totally changed my life. gw langsung worry gitu. Jangan2 gw belum ngalamin yg namanya turning point? Kalo emang belum, apa gw masih hidup djalan yg salah?
then i start to do a bit or reminiscing.
i knew God every since i was a kid. Ortu gw udah slalu ngajakin ke gereja dll, and dari kecil kita slalu doa bareng, dibiasain. gw aja mulai bersaat teduh sejak SD.
tapi yah itu emang karena kebawa orang tua. SMP gw mulai ngelayanin Tuhan, aktif di gereja. walopun tetep ngelakuin dosa. terus lulus SMA gw bertobat lagi. apa itu turning point gw? tapi gw juga gak drastis berubah pas itu. masih aja ada pergumulan2 sendiri. terus kapan donk turning point buat gw???

Sampe skarang gw gak tau kapan atau dimana turning point gw. Tapi yg gw yakinin setiap kali gw dateng k Tuhan, gw slalu diubahkan sedikit demi sedikit into the image of God. I don't know whether my preception is right/wrong, but i believe that i don't need a certain event/time where God dramatically changes me 180 degrees. I was called and am saved. fullstop. and ever since i've been saved, i'm in the process of being more like Christ. My turning point was when i believed and accepted Christ. Sp that would be when I was just 12 years old - when my journey started with Him.

So i dunno whether this year's winter camp, last year's camp, this year's manifest, last year's manifest changed me into a different person or not. But i know that ever single encounter i have with Him, i'm running towards Him more and more.

minggu.

aNeh banged.

gw yakin bukan suatu kebetulan sih,,
tpi kemaren pas d greja k'daNiel tuh ngebahas ttg sesuatu yg blakangan ini gw lgi ngerasain.

well, ga smuanya.. tpi sebagian.. and gw bener2 shock banget!! tpi gw ykin ini konfirmasi buat gw..

sayangnya gw ga bisa bahas disini..

tapi satu kquote yg K'Daniel kemaren bilang:

Faith is not believing without doubt - but it's believing in spite of doubts.

in the end, keinget ttg cerita seorang Ayah yg punya anak yg sakit, and dia minta Tuhan Yesus utk nyembuhin, tpi dia ragu - gak yakin klo Tuhan Yesus bener2 bisa. tapi Tuhan Yesus malah bilang

Katamu: jika Engkau dapat? Tidak ada yang mustahil bagi orang yang percaya!

and I think gw sering banget sperti ayah anak itu.
tapi skarang disaat gw lgi agak ragu, gw tau gw bisa t'riak k Tuhan sperti Ayah anak yg sakit itu

" Aku percaya - Tolonglah aku yang tidak percaya ini!"
"Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"

Mark 9:24

dan Dia bakal bantu gw utk memiliki faith itu kembali. like always.

that is my prayer, Lord.

Quite a Weekend

Weekend ini bisa dibilang cukup padat. flash back sebentar:

Sabtu:
9 AM. Latihan musik d SIC. nyampe sana agak telat sih jam 9:15, tpi biarin deh yg cowo biar set-up alat2nya smua. baru bener2 mulai lat tuh skitar jam 9:30an, padhal kita harus kelar jam 10:30 scara mo ada baptisan. kasihan deh, kyknya smua lagu yg udah disiapin tuh hampir stengahnya harus diganti, coz K'David ksih byk input. katanya Tia, ya dia emang bassist-nya, jdi mending diikutin dee. haha sip dah! disuruh nyanyi depannya 'di s'tiap nafasku'.. i love that song, tapi tetep ajaa. nervous nyanyi solo!!
10:30 AM. akhirnya kelar juga, langsung ke Liberty Tower. tnyata blum pada kelar pengarahan. oiaa.. Masda dibaptis hari ini.. senangnya akhirnya dy ambil keputusan itu =). kyknya happy bgt deh liat orang mo nyerahin hidupnya k Tuhan. kita masih smpet foto2 gitu di kolam renang.. lol
12 PM. Ke seminar BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! semangat banget deh tahun ini ke BW, coz tahun lalu seminarnya keren banged!! bener2 diberkati dehh gw. tpi taun ini gw ga bisa dari awal, and baru dateng session 2 doank. Dani blg stiap kali dia ke gerejanya Planetshakers, atmosfirnya beda aja. and jujur, gw harus setuju sih. bener2 bisa ngerasain aja orang2 yg semangat banged buat Tuhan and ga malu/jaim aja utk ngmong ttg iman mereka.. apalagi the woman pastors2nya.. so passionate!! gw jarang sih liat ini di gereja2 indo. tapi ntah knapa kemaren, gw bner2 berdoa nti gw bakal jadi org sperti itu di indonesia.. *amien dah* set a new change!!
4:30 PM. K melben central - girls day out. makan2 di SPIGA.. asli makanannya ENAK BANGED!!!! gak boong deh!!
6:50 PM Balik k planetshakers, buat session terakhir BW. it was an awesome nite!! beneran dehh. I know my God is just amazing..
10 PM ke Melbourne central beli tiket film.. byk banged orang mabuk di jalan :S

oyah. skilas ttg seminarnya,, di session yg k-3, kita tuh diinget lg klo ki sbnernya udah jdi anaknya Tuhan.. bukan pelayan, hamba dll.. tapi bener2 anakNya. so sbnernya ga ada apapun yg bs kita ngelakuin utk bkin Dia lebih mencintai kita, atau utk bikin Dia berhenti mencintai kita. isn't that just GREAT?? Gue juga diinget klo Tuhan tuh a supernatural God, yg bkal mencukupi kebutuhan kita menurut kekayaanNya dan kemuliaanNya. and kemaren Ps Debbie Prescott tuh ksi byk banged kesaksian ttg orang2 yg ngeklaim janjiNya Tuhan itu.
- orang yg udah divonis ga bisa punya anak, jadi tiba2 hamil.
- orang yg hamil, tpi bayinya tuh didalam saluran apanya gitu, and belum pernah ada kasus dimana mamanya atau bayinya selamat,, tpi mereka berdua akhirnya slamat.
- orang yg punya byk utang tpi tiba2 ada temen yg bisa kasih check $10,000, bukan hanya skali, tpi 3 kaliii!!
- ada cewe di indonesia yg tangannya buntung, and pas didoain, tangannya bisa tumbuh!! and kerennya yg ngedoain tuh bukan pastornya tpi jemaat biasa.. bener2 ngebuktiin klo FirTu tuh bener,, kita smua emang dikasih kuasa utk melakukan hal2 yg mengherankan dengan kuasa dari Tuhan..

you know what, gw ga tau apa yg dialamin klian smua,, mungkin masalah berat banged, ato mungkin masalah sepele.. tpi yg gw tau adalah siapa Tuhan gw and apa yg Dia sanggup ngelakuin.. bener2 hal yg kyknya mustahil, Dia sanggup lakuin coz He is God..
and what ever He does, it's to bring goodness in our lives according to His purpose..

tau ga sih,, bener2 blum puas nih gw,, mo naik k level brikutnya :)

my healer

Winter udah mulai take-over, n byk banged tmen2 yg udah sakit..
gw pun udah mulai ngerasa kurang fit sejak jumat kemaren..
kayaknya pengennya tuh bersin2 mulu.. and mata tuh yang udah merah berair ga jelas..
pokoknya ga enak badan deh.. kerja juga ga konsen..
pas selesai lunch, gw langsung search di internet cara2 utk menyembuhkan flu..
yang gw temuin tuh :
1. Madu & Lemon panas..
2. Bawang putih.
3. Vit C (sharusnya sblum sakit sih)
4. Hirup air panas gituu... (taruh dibaskom gitu, n ditutupin handuk)..
5. Hot shower/bath..
yasu,, gw langsung inget2, spaya pas malemnya gw bs langsung ngelakuin.. coz gw ga mungkin boleh sakit minggu ini.. gawat aja klo iyaaa...

malamnya itu (hari jumat) kebetulan ada FA gabungan..
pas nyampe rumah kayaknya berat banged mo ke FA...
soalnya emang ga enak badan,, n palagi diluar tuh dingin, kykna mo stay didalem rumah aja..
but anyways, i still went to FA... anehnya, and gw yakin ga kebetulan ,Ps Daniel ngedoain byk orang2 pas udah mo selesai,, salah satunya tuh orang2 yg sakit (firmahnya si ttg kenaikan JC k heaven,, and how it's all finished,, he conquered the grave, the sickness, everything).. and didoain klo kita tuh udah sembuh , coz that's what JC did for us...
gw percaya kok saat itu klo gw juga udah smbuh 100%..
percaya & beriman, tpi tetep aja badan msi ga enak gituu..
pas pulang gw langsung masak air and campur lemon & madu.. trus juga minum vit C..

Sabtu pagi,,tetep ga ada kemajuan.,. hidung mampet.. mata berair..
padahal ada latihan musik jam 8:30.. tapi gw sengaja dateng agak telat..
gw masak air lagi, minum lemon & madu.. juga vit C.. tpi gw ga makan apa2 .. minum itu doank..
disatu sisi gw mau puasa,, tpi disisi lain gw mau smbuh (how contradicting i thought it was, yet i didnt' know that it actually worked together)..
gw udah yakin hari itu gw bakal padat banged.. dari lat musik --> seminar --> haircut --> DFO --> Malam batak (which i ended up not going to)..
dari pagi pun gw ga makan apa2 ampe jam 2 siang.. en itu cuman roti doank..
hari sabtu itu gw udah kluar rumah dari jam 9 pagi, pulang2 jam 6:30 malem..
gw udah yakin klo gw bener2 ga ngejaga kshatan gw,, akhirnya pas abis makan, gw langsung masak air byk banged, coz rencananya gw mo minum 4 gelas madu & lemon..

pas udah masak, gw bkin 1 gelas lemon & madu panas dulu,,
eh pas gw lagi nunggu airnya utk bisa diminum, Tuhan tuh tiba2 ngomong k gw.. "Why are you trying to heal your body by yourself? Why are you relying on yourself? dont you believe in Me healing you?"
gw bingung.. yah of course I believe in Him,, tapi di sisi lain, gw juga mo berusaha nyoba sgala macem cara supaya cepet sembuh.. secara gw bakal sibuk banget minggu yg mendatang inii..
and He suddenly said " I don't need you helping me to heal you. I am Jehovah -Raffa, your healer"
disaat itu juga, gw gatau mo jawab apa.. coz gw tau slama ini gw ngandalin kekuatan & kepintaran gw sndiri... trus gw cuman bilang, "What do you want me to do, Lord?"
"Just finish this glass of yours,.. but don't make anymore hot honey & lemon.. don't eat garlic.. don't eat Vit C.. don't eat any medicine.. I WILL Heal you.."
gw speechless.. and gw taat aja dehh.. padahal gw masih mo bikin 3 gelas lagi madu & lemon.. belum VIT-Cnya jugaa.. and garlic as well..
tpi pas Tuhan ngomong gitu, gw yakin itu saatnya gw ngerendahin diri n berserah aja sama Dia..

Minggu pagi..:
jam 7:30 gw bangun... anehnya, hidung gw gak mampet sama skali.. tenggorokan gw udah ga sakit pas nelen.. mata gw juga udah normal.. absolutely healthy..
it's amazing.. really is.. and I know that was not becoz of the honey and lemon i drank the other day.. nor the vit-C.. but it was truly becoz of Him healing me..

rata2 gw klo sakit flu tuh 7 hari.. ditambah 3 hari gw bener2 ga bisa ngomong,, 1 hari harus istirahat penuh.. and 4 hari lah buang2 ingus mulu gituuu... hehe..
tapi kali ini, gw baru mulai bersin2 hari jumat,, trus hari terakhir bersin2 tuh sabtu... hidung meler pun mulainya jumat malem,, ampe sabtu malem jugaa... pusing2 hari jumat.. demam juga jumat-sabtu..
tapi anehnya minggu gw bisa jalan2 sperti biasanyaa..
I just know my God is amazing..

--> I want to walk with you 24/7, Father.. Go before me,, stay beside me.. Love You!

reflect.

Last week's menado:
I felt God revealing to me how precious I am in His sight.
It was utterly wonderful. Very romantic.
and suddenly one verse came up "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life"
i know that doesnt make sense (i would have imagine the verse saying You are honoured and precious in my sight) but what spoke to me was "the Truth"
He gave me understanding in a whole lot different way..
Not only is He true, but He is the truth.
Him saying that I'm precious, that's not a lie. because He is the truth.
damn wonderful.

Last Wednesday night - Thursday morning dream:
It was weird.
I dreamed a Christian book-writer backslided and saying that he doesnt believe in God anymore. and i was in the middle of reading his book (to be honest, i forgot to continue hehe)
and I remember telling him that he can't just back out like that, because not only is he a christian, but he's a role model as well,,
but then he responded saying that he was only a normal christian,, He has never heard God's voice before, so its not such a big deal..
that's really weird.. i'm not sure what that means..
but that day, I was reminded by the Holy Spirit to pray for the believer's faith.. so they could have a strong faith and a loving heart to God always.. even in their darkest hour, so they would not back fail in being faithful to Him...
I guess it's the test of life that really challenges our faith.
and our relationship with Him that keeps us strong through the challenges.,,

the highest calling

serving in a new developing church during my stay in Bangkok has given me no choice but to step out of my comfort zone and do things that not all 13-16 year olds do. I had to help with the overhead projectors, being a singer, teaching in Sunday school (tho I still needed teaching as well), playing the keyboard, doing the weekly bulletin and more other helping outs. It was really great to have those opportunities =).

The other thing that I had to do was also be a worship leader. Yeah I did started out from the small cell groups (FA) and then in the youth meetings as well, but it was a shock when one day K’ Alex says that he thinks im ready to lead the Sunday service. This was in the last month of my stay in Bangkok. In a way I was excited (since I can choose my own songs *haha I was only 16, that’s what was in my mind*), but a huge part of me new that this was a huge responsibility. Leading the congregation to worship the Lord?! I remembered I was a nervous wreck preparing that service,, I wrote every single word I planned to say.. but I actually forgot how it went. Well, let all the Glory be unto HIM alone.. I thought, that’s it. No more leading worship for me,, quite a burden :S

Then, at YCC Rumah Gue.. beginning of 2006, after the praise & worship k’sammy suddenly said in front of everyone that he thinks I’m ready to be a worship leader. Uhh, what??!! I did not plan to be one, nor plan to apply for that minister.. and suddenly they just pushed me to the edge, meaning I finally had to lead the youth service.

Why am I retelling this all? Last Sunday I went to teens service, and to make the long story short, Melissa wanted me to lead the worship with her this coming sunday *yes, in 4 more days*.

I know im not new to the whole worship leading thing, but its different when you lead the worship in FA.. everyone is on the same level as you, they long to worship the lord as well,, but leading in a service, I dun even know half of the people there. Well, I just pray that if He does want me to lead, let it please His heart and be a blessing for the teens..

The brighter side is that im just doing the praise, so the nerve wreck will just be half of it :P but, still dunno if im leading, coz I dunno if I can make the Saturday practice..

I was just preparing myself for this Sunday, and I stumbled upon a worship website written by Bob Kauflin,,
He made a really great definition of a WL, let me just quote:

“An effective corporate worship leader,
aided and led by the Holy Spirit,
skillfully combines biblical truth with music
to magnify the worth of God and
the redemptive work of Jesus Christ,
thereby motivating the gathered church
to join him in proclaiming and cherishing
the truth about God
and seeking to live all of life for the glory of God.”

Now THAT’S what I want to do =)
well, arent we all called to be His worshipper??
isnt that our HIGHEST CALLING?

pure happiness =))

Guys, i just feel utterly HAPPY!!!

Beneran!! gw bener2 bisa ngerasain kebahagiaan yang kayaknya ga dibuat2..its just coming from the inside.. =))

a little update about my life lately..
sabtu: 9 to 9 prayer meeting.. doa di greja slama 12 jam *seharusnya*.. tpi gw cuman 9,8 jam laahh hehe.. 2 jam kabur buat makan n ngerjain assignment bentar.. belum pernah sih sharian doa kayak gitu.. tapi bener2 bisa ngerasain sesuatu yg berbeda.. i know prayer has its power..and mungkin slama ini gw slalu nge-limit hidup gw ke hal2 yg biasa aja, natural. But you know what, i have a supernatural GOD that enables me to have a supernatural life.. a life that's beyond what other people have.. im not talking financially,, but i just know that every step that i take, every road i need to go through, there's something supernatural guiding me through it.. =)

minggu: gw ke ibadah teens!! iyaaa.. teenager.. tau sih gw bukan teens lagi (tapi taun kemaren gw masih teenager kooo :O) and jadi agak terbeban juga nih di teens.. like what i said to my sister, i know at the teens age, that's a crucial time.. anak2 umur sgitu lagi nyari sosok orang yg mereka pengen ikutin.. gw aja inget pas gw smp dulu,, kyknya gw pgn bgt ngikutin senior2 gw,, kakak gw,, kyknya pengen banged jadi mereka.. but it's not about that.. harus udah ditanamin di hati anak2 itu, klo tujuan mrka hidup tuh bukan utk jadi popular.. they have a great mission in this life.. kemaren om Tim pun bilang klo anak2 mudah tuh sperti panah di tangan2 warrior,, they're gonna be used greatly.. and it's our job to make them realize that...

duh lagi agak2 males nulis sih blakangan.. but yeah,, all i wanna say is..i thank God for i find joy in His presence, and in His right hand, there's pleasures evermore..

Love you Lord!!

meditate His kindness.

“Ingatlah perbuatan-perbuatan ajaib yang dilakukan-Nya, mujizat-mujizat-Nya dan penghukuman-penghukuman yang diucapkan-Nya” 1 taw 16:12
And kalau di bahasa inggris,
“Study GOD and his strength, seek his presence day and night;
Remember all the wonders he performed, the miracles and judgments that came out of his mouth.”

Ini bukan pertama kalinya gw denger nih ayat, tapi sekali lagi gw bener2 diinget utk slalu ingat smua kebaikanNya. Yes. All of them. Its something that seems so cliché and easy for us to do, but actually its not. Do I remember all His goodness that He has given me last month? What about last year, what miracles has He done? Or lets say 5 years ago. Apa iya gw masih ingat semuanya.
Gw rasa ngga. Dan gw baru nyadar setiap kali gw ngalamin masalah, gw bisa down banget and skarang gw tau kenapa. I don’t think I actually remember what He has done in my life in the past.
Nah coba, if for instance I remember all that lows and highs that I’ve been through, and I’ve managed to go through the lows because of Him, seandainya ada masalah lagi, why cant I just believe that He’ll bring me up again just like always. Ya kan?
Why do I have to doubt Him, knowing that in the passed He has never for once neglected me. Maybe I have felt that He has, but afterwards I knew that He was just on his way to pick me up again.

Now, I guess it really is time to remember all his goodness (from the small ones to the major ones)
- was late to work today. Was really worried that the bus will come late as well. But guess what, I was late, but I was early compared to the others. So yeah, He didn’t let me down.
- Free magazines? Yupp,, got’em for free :D thanx to quynh,, got aroung 15 mags for free.. who & shop till you drop!! xP
- Water bills! Dunno why, but it turns out I haven’t paid the water bills for 1 year!! We just found out last week!! But it’s so weird how in their system, it just shows that we only needed to pay $26.00!!! that’s unbelievable!! Totally unbelievable.. I guess God knows that we just don’t have the budget now :P
- Coco.. I had my hopes down on Him.. but he’s healed now!! Thanks God.. but we should’ve known that He will. Coz coco did swallow one whole mango, and somehow a couple of months later he vomited them out (just before we were gonna bring him to the vet for the 2nd time).. and meeco!! The doctors had no hope for him.. but after the operation it turns out he could see,, both eyes!! God has done wonderful stuff in our lovely dogs =D
- Dad,, what else could I say,, yes his cholesterol was high,, but the test showed more than that.. we thought he had to get an operation,, and he was supposed to I guess. But so ironically after his last consultation with the doctor, they said that he just needed to change his diet.. that’s surprisingly weird. Happy tho!
- Apartment?! Yes!! He provided us the best one at the best time.. after all the worries that we had, he actually gave us a brand new apartment close to to the station and still in the city =))
That’s just a lil bit of here and there..from this year only,, the list could go on and on and on if I talked about the past year..

Well for me personally.. it’s a miracle when God send people in my life when I needed encouragements,, yes I was down a couple of weeks ago, and now I have my hopes high again.. I really thank Him for the strength and all..
My health,, oohh I really thought I needed to get operation for the double vision sight I was having,, but interestingly, when I didn’t worry that much, He healed my vision and I totally forgot that I had spend one-week with double vision =))
My school,, I guess he has been providing me with the best one for me all along.. I did my first year in Jkt, which saved me about $4,000 in school fees and not to mention the living cost in melb,, so that’s save around $10,000 more.. and I had no trouble transferring it all and It didn’t waste any of my time.. so I knew He interfere with that .. and what about when I moved to SMA 8,, never thought I was gonna go there, it was just out of my league,, but somehow it went really smoothly..

okay,.,, its gonna be forever for me to talk about His goodness.. the fact is He has been good. He has always been, whether i realized it or not..
but just need to remind myself of this every single day..
and what ever happens, i know im walking closer to His promise, rite? Amen!
just feel so blessed at the moment,, i just hope i'll remember this every minute of the day.

reflection.

Reading back my blog, I realize I haven’t surrendered to Him.
Forgive me Lord, I take back my words.
I’m putting my trust in You, every single bit of it.
I’ve given over the authority to You, for You to do as You will.
No more complaining, no more doubting.
For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him? Surely not me, I say.
I’ve prayed to You, I’ve pleaded to You.
I’ve done my part, and will keep on doing it. Keeping my relationship with You.
Now do Your part Lord. Show your power and might.
For what is impossible for you O Lord?
I’ve surrendered to you. No more worrying, but rather believing.
Believe that You are still doing great things.
That Your power has not changed from the past until now.
All the miracles You’ve done for me, why would I have any reason to doubt You now? Certainly not.
Empower me with Your spirit, that I may fully trust you.
.
I believe in Your power. I trust my self, my life, my beloved ones into Your mighty hands.
And I know, in the end I will say, “Yes! You are the faithful and true one! Thank You Lord!”

A victor i am.

Happy Passover, Everybodeee!
Met Paskah yaaa.

It's been quite a long weekend.
quick flash back.

Friday: All day long at Hawthorn Town Hall, preparing for the passover service we had that evening. It was great. Loved the drama "The Greatest Love".
Just a summary about the drama, it's a story of a guy who killed a person. Automatically, he was sentenced for death, since that was the just and fair thing. But on the last breath, the murdered boy told his dad to forgive the murderer. And ironically, the Dad was the judge. Hard as it would be, in the end he let go of all charges that was put against the murderer. The murderer was left unpunished, given the gift of life. The dad who was also the judge knew that his son's death would be meaningless if the murderer was still punished, then he wouldnt know what was the gift of life, second chance of life.
Intinya, sama halnya dgn kita yg udah ditebus dgn darah Yesus. Dia yg gak seharusnya disiksa n dibunuh, malah rela mati supaya kita bisa bebas, and gak perlu ngebayar semua hukuman2 itu lagi. Gak pantas banged ya kita?
Sabtu: All day road trip. Great ocean road. Dari jam 7 Pagi sampe jam 12 Malem. capee banged.
Minggu: Paskah.
Duh, suara gw udah habis sejak hari jumat. Cant sing, cant talk that well either.
Padahal pas kebaktian pgn bgt nyanyi & teriak sperti biasanyaaa (semangat sperti biasanyaa), tpi hari ini harus gw tahan smua ituu hehe..
kotbah hari ini bener2 luar biasa sih. Ps Daniel emang bener2 dipake Tuhan luar biasa banged. smua pewahyuan2 itu tuh.. awesome deh.
He preached about when Jesus died and rose again on the 3rd day, it means that He defeated sin and death. and pas kita percaya & terima Dia sbagai Tuhan, it means that we have also been united with Christ in defeating sin and death as well. Which means that death has no power again against us.
Yes, we will have to face death some how, but we should have no fear against it anymore.
Yes, sin will always be in front of us, tempting us, but now we have the power to overcome sin. That's because sin shall have no dominion over us. and that's what Grace is.
We commit sin because we are sinners, not the other way around.
The awesome thing is that we dont and cant do anything to change that. That's God's part. He has taken the dominion and freed us from sin. He's done that job for us.
Now its our step to just believe.
Believe that we are victors, not victim.
God has faith in us to overcome sin and not be trapped by all its lies.
So if God believes in us, why dont we believe in ourself?
Believe in His promise as well that says sin has no dominion over us.

That sermon just opened my eyes.
It makes me see God in another perspective. As a loving God, who doesnt demand or threatens us, but supports and encourages us in what we do. Because He knows the difficulties that we are going through, and He cares a lot. He did the hard part for us, now He just wants us to accept that grace.

btw, just watched Narnia before whilst eating dinner.
Pas banget, pas lagi paskah gitu.
So sad pas liat singanya mo nyerahin diri buat dibunuh, padahal yg seharusnya dibunuh kan si Edmund. hmm,, it's just so unfair when you see it. The one that's deserved to be punished malah di let go tanpa harus bayar apapun.
ak slalu liat dari sudut pandang luar gitu. ga pernah ak liat diri ak sbagai si Edmund, yang seharusnya dipunish, malah bisa bebas gitu.
but that's what we are.. When Jesus was crucified 2000 years ago, we were set free. and udah ga ada lagi yang harus kita bayar. sudah lunas smuanya.

so undescribable, awesome.

so underserved i am.

strength - patience

"So they would be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience" Colossians 1:11

it's weird how they put strengthened, endurance and patience into one sentence that does not contradict at all, instead it confirms and affirms one to the other.
John Piper wrote in his book how patience is the evidence of inner strength. Why? well he gace an example how weak people depend on external supports - like schedules that go just right, circumstances that only supports their fragile hearts. But if they criticise those 'culprits' who ruins their plans, maybe it does not sound weak, but they're actually a camouflage of weakness. Patience demands tremendous inner strength.

How cool is that?
it actually links to Ps Daniel Prayogo's sermon yesterday. He was talking about rejoicing and giving thanks as well.
Those above who criticises and dont give thanks, well they're weak rite?
Which means to actually be able to rejoice is strong, and we need strength.

But its not any strength. Not physical strength, but strength that comes from God. That's why in the earlier verse Paul meant that the strength of patience is according to God's glorious might. overall, we need faith to gain that.
That's because patience is the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit only empowers through Hearing with faith (Galatians 3:55). Therefore we need faith to connect us with the "glorious might" that empowers patience.

okay, that's deep.
i'm going to have to meditate on this for a while, then i'll let you guys know how it all applies in my life. =))

iman atau hikmat

Its fairly hard dealing with different types of people.
There are two different types of people.
actually, christian is the better word to describe this.
yup, two different types of christians.

Im dealing with them both at the moment actually.
1. tipe kristen yang ber-'iman' banged.
2. tipe kristen yang ber'hikmat' banged.

hoo,, trust me. there are two different types of christians.
and now im in the middle of them both.

Honestly, i need to make quick and bold decisions these days, but the fact is that my decision does not depend on me alone, but other people as well.
i will not mention names, cause it'll be unethical. but yes, these people can really annoy me. even tho they aRe christians. and i mean real christians.

first, the faithful christians (faithful- beriman banget gitu).
no matter what i tell them the consequences and situation is, they'll always wind up saying "Doa aja yah. Tuhan tahu. Dia bakal kasih yang terbaik."
okay im fine with that, and i totally agree.
these types of christians are active in prayers, but they dont really give their effort 100% to try.
They are calm and really believe that no matter what, everything's gonna be alright,
i know God will give me the best in life, but if i dont start doing my part, He's gonna tell me"I've given you the best, its right in front of you. But you just didnt reach out ur hand to grab it."
now whose fault would that be?

secondly, the wise christians (wise-penuh hikmat gitu).
No matter how much you remind them of faith, they'll end up saying "But God wants us to do our best, we cant just sit around and do nothing."
these types are more of the worry warts. well not really actually. They have faith in God, but they also believe that our actions will affect 70% of the end result.
They pray and believe in God as well (duh, they are christians) but somehow, they are very much logical. It has to make sense and total up.,

now, when you are in my position and you have to choose in what to do, believe me, you cant make up ur mind, cause they both make sense.
One is telling you to have faith and surrender to God (pray). The other one is telling you to do your best, and do what ever you can to get the best result (action).

As in my case, i totally have no idea what to do.
I guess that's why i have to stick close near God so i would know what He wants me to do.

Well if you ask me which type of christians i am likely to be? both.
but honestly, if i have to chooose. Im the first type. well, im both, but lebih condong ke tipe yg pertama sih.
Maybe im in denial, but i know i have faith in Him whom i can trust. ;)
and in everything that has happen, i know none of my actions affected it. Its all His grace for me.

"Jika aku harus bermegah, maka aku akan bermegah atas kelemahanku" 2 kor 11:30
"Cukuplah Kasih-karuniaKu untukMu, justru dalam kelemahanlah kuasaKu menjadi sempurna" 2 Kor 12:9

for i know, in my weaknesses, His strength is there and is sufficient for me.
That's my Faith!

now i have to get back to reality, and try to figure out what i need to do.

Untitled.

Duapuluhenam.duabelas.kosongtujuh

Sejak dua malam yg lalu, hp gw di indo ud mulai dipenuhi ma kiriman sms2 dri tmen yg pada ngucapin Merry Christmas, ntah diisi sama gambar2 sms, puisi2 yg indah, ataupun ayat dari Alkitab (hmm, ada juga sih yg langsung straight to the point).

Oleh satu dan lain hal (salah satunya adalah etika), yah haruslah gw bales juga smua sms2 itu. Tpi yah gitu deh, bingung mau isi smsnya make ayat apa atau kata2 apaa.. pengen juga forward sms yg bagus dari temen, tpi rasanya gimana gituu..*gak original ajaa hehe*

Ya udah deh, I decided to write something about Christmas according to myself.

So there I was, Christmas morning. Bangun2 langsung mikir, natal tuh apa sih (buat aku sendiri). Okelayah, sbgai org kristen yg ud lahir baru, namanya santa claus pasti udah dicoret dri pikiran. Tpi apa iya cuman ttg happiness, joy & peace (yg rata2 smua sms isinya begitu). Kalo iya, apa dasarnya??

Yah udah deh, kemaren pagi ak ngomong k Tuhan, “For me Chrismas is about You, Lord.” And i know God was saying back “What is it about Me? Go on?” Ya Tentang Tuhan yg gilaaa baiiiiik banged,, mau ngerendahin diri jd ciptaannya sndiri. Gelo, gw aja gak mau disuruh jadi binatang (yg walopun bukan ciptaan gw, tpi tetep aja nilainya lebi rendah dari manusia), apalagi yg namanya Tuhan (yg bisa ngelakuin apa ajaa) malah mau jadi manusia (yg gak bisa ngapa2in gituuu). Yg akhirnya disiksa sampe mati cman utk ngegantiin & nebus dosa2 gw ( and elo2 smua yg pcayaa xp )

Tpi ga stop disitu ajaa, He came to give us life, life that is abundant. Dia datang untuk kasih kita hidup. Bukan smbarang hidup yg baru, tpi hidup yg penuh kelimpahan. Duhhh gilaaaaa… keren baiiik banged yah Tuhan.??!

Trus setelah dksih hidup baru, what do we do about it? Apa tinggal nrimo ajaa??

The new life is given by God – it’s a grace for us from Him. Kita gak usah ngelakuin apa2 utk ngedapetin hidup baru itu (yaah, slain ngaku Yesus sbagai Tuhan and bertobat of course) But the new lifestyle is what we must build. If we don’t change our lifestyle, then the new life that He has given us will be a waste.. Our lifestyle must reflect our faith. Klo udah dapet hidup baru, tpi gaya hidup kita masih sama kayak yg dulu, la ya sama ajaaa layaa… sia2 yg Tuhan udah kasih.

Dulu Ps. Daniel pernah ngebagiin ttg lifestyle. Katanya sih yg harus diubah dari gaya hidup kita tuh ada 3 (kolose 3:1-4):

1. Tujuan kita hidup (v.1)

2. Pemikiran kita (v.2)

3. Harapan kita (v.3-4)

Scara singkat deh I’ll go thru em all,,

1) our purpose : apa yg kita kejar dihidup ini bakal nentuin seberapa berharganya hidup kita. Klo target kita rendah banget, yah kualitas hidup kita juga bakal serendah itu. Makanya, God told us to seek the heavenly kingdom first, cause hal2 di dunia tuh sementara, n selain itu nilainya menurun, so sia2 deh..

2) Our thoughts and affection: Apa yg berharga dm hidup kita, bakal nentuin berharganya hidup kita atau gak.. dunt love the world, for we have died to the world. Kita udah mati t’hadap : dosa, keakuan, dunia. Don’t only seek heaven, but continually think of heaven. Heavenly things are what Jesus desire.

3) Our hope: Christians survive the world only by setting their mind and heart on heavenly things. Joshua & Caleb circled the desert for 40 years (gelo itu sih hamper seumur idup), but they still have their hope on the promise land.

Dulu gaya hidup kita tuh psti dipenuhi sama yg namanya vanity (kesia-siaan).. but one awesome thing is that God has grabbed us from vanity. So, let’s make the full use of our new life. Change your lifestyle to balance up with the new life. If we have the wrong passion, we could end up in the wrong place.

Jdi yah gitu dehh,, akhirnya gw kirim sms balik k tmen,, yg isinya tuh ttg Hidup yg Dy udah kasih.. intinya gituu siihh… hehe well,, lets not waste this new life..

Merry Christmas my beloved ones!

When i think of You Lord

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Spirit
how He healed me to the uttermost

when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up, turned me around
how He set my feet on solid ground

it makes me want to shout "Thank You, Jesus!"

Lord, you're worthy of all the glory,
and all the honor and all the praise!