amazingly Him.

maybe it's kinda late for me to write this down,, should've written it down when it was fresh on my head.. tpi biarlah.. daripada ga ditulis sama sekali..

Jadi ceritanya jumat 2 minggu yg lalu.. bukan jumat kemaren ini, tpi jumat sebelumnyaa..

Ak udah lupa sih aku tuh kenapa.. tpi seingetku, ak lagi dikantor, and kantor tuh emang sepi banget,,, yah sudayaa... sperti biasa, i let myself browse around the net..
i forgot what or where i went to, and i forgot what led me there, but all i remember is that i felt really really empty and miserable afterwards..

i totally forgot what i did. or what had happened..

I was sad, and i felt so alone.
honestly, i've never felt that way before. Atau lebih tepatnya, aku gak pernah ngizinin diri ak ngerasa sperti itu..
all these times i've forced my self to be okay,,
I've never depended on anyone, and i could say that i am an independent person.
I dont share. it's just hard for me to.
Curhat? ga juga tuh. kayaknya males banget cerita2 masalah ke orang lain.
Palingan yg gak terlalu pribadi aja bisa diceritain.. tapi klo udah uneg2 dan temen2nya itu, ntah knapa ak slalu ngerasa ga perlu utk dibagi ke orang lain..

well, i guess that's one of the causes.

Pokoknya pas pulang dari kantor, dijalan naik bis, bener2 deh ak ngerasa sendiri banget, and bener2 ga tau mau ngapain. Dunno what to do with my life and just dunno where my life is actually going.
>> oia, setiap jumat ak ada sel group gitu, and dari kantor pasti langsung k apartment temen buat sel group.
Tapi tetep aja, selama di perjalanan pikiran tuh kemana2 deh. Gak konsen sama skali and byk banget pertanyaan2 yg keluar.. Why this? Why that?
Really felt mad as well,. mad with myself.. and mad with God..
Pokoknya smua perasaan tuh kyaknya udah gak bisa ditahan lagi deh..
yang akhirnya bikin ak nangis. di bis.
asli deh, udah gak tau mikir apaan, pokoknya ak coba utk ngeluarin ajaa..
trus akhirnya harus turun, and pindah ke tram gitu..
Sempet mikir apa hari ini gak pergi ke sel group (FA) dulu, tpi sesedih2nya aku, ada perasaan kuat banget yg gak bisa utk ngejauhin Tuhan.. i know it sounds weird and crazy, but I just couldnt. I had the choice. I could not go to FA if i wanted to, but I just knew that in moments like this, the only place to go is to seek God.
I didnt cry again when i went to the tram. Which was good, soalnya tramnya penuh banget.. hari jumat trus jam selesai kerja kan..
eh,, tiba2 ada lagu yg keluar,
"Friend, there will never be a friend
As dear to me as You
There will never be another
Closer than a brother"

mulai deh nangis lagiiii.. gilaaa.. malu2in.. di tram yg penuh gituu..
untungnya yaaa, ak bawa file gitu, trus juga kacamata itam, yg bisa nutupin mukaaa..

duhh,, just to make the long story short (since the crying part really made the journey to my friends apartment really long), at the FA after the sharing, we were told to partner up.. and pray for each other..
Aku dapet Nanat.. and then she prayed for me..
duh Sumpah kaget banget..
dia tuh ngedoain aku "God, You know what she's struggling in, dan di saat Dewi ngerasa sendiri, aku tunjukkan bahwa Engkau ada b'sama dia.. You're her shepherd,, dll"
pokoknya doanya banyak deh, tpi yg nancep banget tuh yah kalimat diatas tadi...

bis itu aku langsung share aja sama nanat, that her prayers was so true... and so right..
God just reminded me that He is with me.. everywhere that i go..

and that's not all..

besoknya ada doa pengerja.. hari sabtu..
seperti biasa lahh,, nyanyi, worship, doaa..
and pas lagi worship gitu, tiba2 c'sherly (duduk disampingku) ngedeketin aku and bisik sesuatu..
dia bilang "Jangan kamu ngerasa sendiri, cause Tuhan selalu ada bersama kamu.. jangan kamu ngerasa kesepian"

pas denger itu ak langsung kaget.. dari yg awalnya nyembah Tuhan, langsung tiba2 diem.. cengo'.. kaget.. gak bisa ngomong apa2..
i was in awe! God's is just amazing...
He's really using everyone around me to realize that i'm not alone..
i cried afterwards.. not because of sadness, no..
but just the fact that God is so real, and He's just so nice.. and amazing..

cause honestly, blon pernah ada orang yg pernah ngomong hal yg tepat banget sperti itu..
i just know that was God.. disaat ak lagi ngerasa down banget, 2 orang udah Tuhan pake utk nguatin aku...

that day i felt so happy again... cause i know, whatever happens- He's there holding my hands..
=)