Nafas Hidupku

lebaraaann

2009-09-23T04:39:00.002+10:00

it's been a while since i spent lebaran at home..
the past few years i was always in Aussie..
and it's nice to be back home, being with my grandma, and relatives.

nothing feels good than being surrounded by ur families.

as few might've known, my family is a mixed of here and there..
which has its good and down side to it..

the good side, i get to celebrate both christmas and eid mubarak.. haha
and that means FOOD!

*slurp..

honestly, i liked the food at my aunts place.. oh wait, I loved it!!
hahaha it's been ages since i last ate ketupat with all of its side dishes..

siiighhh..

i want lebaran food all over again!

hypocrite.

2009-09-21T04:02:00.002+10:00

seem close

yet far awayy..

feeling like such a hypocrite!

when did I ever become like this?

i was better, way better. *at least i thought so*

what happened to me?

do people change that quickly?

when we're placed in a new environment, do we really adapt to survive?

so is this my way of surviving?

If it is, then either way im not surviving.

it's killing me slowly.

imperfection is humane

2009-09-11T01:24:00.002+10:00

I am so far from perfection. very, very far from it.

Just maklumin gw, once in a while.

I'm still human. with no intention of hurting anyone.

but most times, i think about myself more than i do about others.

so, slap me in the face! wake me up!

bring me back to the right way..

hopefully i become a better me in the coming days.

falling and falling

2009-09-04T02:27:00.001+10:00

tuesday.

2009-08-19T02:56:00.003+10:00

I took the step to tell my parents to pray together before i went to work.
It has been ages since we last did that. Have been feeling guilty and i just wanna get my priority right. I've been asking God for too many things, way beyond what i deserve, so i guess this would be the first step i could do.

oh well, hopefully its not just a one time thing.

verse of the day. Rom 9.. nothing could ever separate me from Your love..

another youth meeting tomorrow, regarding the one day retreat.
Gosh my pastor just wants everything to be accelerize.. in less than 2 weeks? are you kidding me..
it sure is the right time to test whether my obedience is strong or not.

my concern: just want Gods will and time. want us to prepare it well. I hate being in a rush.

btw, everyone (well nearly everyone) wore red and white at the office - 3A floor only..celebrating indo's independence dayy,, thank God i wasnt the only one wearing blue.. *saltum

Merdeka!!

2009-08-17T09:56:00.004+10:00

Baru buat video nih, didedikasikan buat Negara Republik Indonesiaaa!!!
tapi sedikit lebay sih videonyaa.. hahaha.. jadi malu ndiri..
baru buat jam 12an tadi pagi,, secara orang2 bakal upacara, tapi gw bakal dirumah tidur.. biar ga ngerasa bersalah, yasudah deh bikin Video ini!!

saya cinta Indonesiaaa...

>> khusus hari ini, post dalam bahasa Indonesia!! ngerasa bersalah klo make bhs Inggris..!! Bahasa Indonesia rocks!! *loh* hahaha

do you realize....?

2009-08-13T09:23:00.002+10:00

stumble into love?

2009-08-12T01:49:00.004+10:00

sitting on the passengers seat during my way back home has led my mind to wander about a few things... one of them is LOVE.. *of course*

who actually invented the saying "Falling in love"? why did s/he even put love and fall in one sentence? did the person think that love was actually a mistake/accident and therefore comparing it with 'falling down'?
why didnt s/he call it 'stumbling in love?' 'collapsing in love?' 'rising in love?' 'knocked down in love?' an the list just goes on...

well speaking of love..
i was kinda reflecting about how i react when i do fall in love..
and it's actually simple.. i become somebody else. im not like myself.
i act weird. i become quieter than before (where im already usually quiet).. i give weird signals here and there. people may think that i hate them.

oh wait. sorry. wrong one..
those symptoms i mentioned above.. are usually when i like someone (without the person knowing).. or what i like to call "stumble into love"

stumble?
- to trip or miss one's step in walking, running, etc.
- to walk or go in an unsteady or awkward manner, as from age, weakness, etc.
- to speak, act, or proceed in a confused, blundering manner to stumble through a speech
- to fall into sin or error; do wrong
- to come by chance; happen to stumble across a clue

cause that's the phase where you actually decide whether you still want to stay in that LOVE or you realize that the stumbling was just an accident, and you want to rise up back again.. it's the phase where you're confused with your own feeling and still tryna figure out what they mean or why they're there.

and then the confirmation comes. He does like you. You like him back. He deserves a chance and ta daa....

so you fall in love..

then you decide its the greatest decision you've made, and that you do want to stay in that place called love..

so you stay in love...

the REAL me?

2009-07-26T02:40:00.003+10:00

Have you ever felt that you know who you really are, but then all of a sudden you're faced with a new circumstance and then you react differently than how you think you would?

and you start to wonder, "Why did I do that?".. "I dont think that's how I would have reacted."

....

I have been feeling different lately.

Have I actually changed?

or is this the real me that's actually showing?

I've been dissapointed with myself lately. The way i handle things or react to problems is just not ME.

I should have known better.

i know i cant please everyone, but its not about pleasing them. Its more about the right thing to do.

and the right thing for me to do now is to STOP and CHANGE.

So help me, God!

this empty-ness.

2009-07-05T03:22:00.002+10:00

I miss waking up and saying 'Good morning' to you.

I miss hearing Ur words when im walking down the street.

I miss having the desire to actually talk with You.

I miss getting all the spontaneous msg's or warnings You give me.

I miss saying my thanks and good nite before I close my eyes.

overall.

I miss You, Lord.

Forgive me for my ignorance. Laziness. and everything else that I've put before you.

dont ever pass me by.

My CommBank Journey

2009-06-14T11:26:00.003+10:00

ello.. ello..

cant believe it's been 2 months since i last blogged. I've been tied up.
So much that i want to post, but just the thought of typing it all made me exhausted.

Kinda feel like writing about my journey into Commonwealth Bank. I've been looking back recently, and I know that The BIG Guy up there was the one that planned this all for me. It fits so right, every single piece.

Lets start.

July 2008
I stumbled into a web ad about the Indonesian Festival 2008 in Melbourne. The PPIA (Indonesian Students Association in Australia) had a partneship with some companies that were looking for Indonesians students studying in Melbourne. There were Commonwealth Bank, ANZ, Petrosea and others. So I applied.

August 2008
I got an email saying that my resume has been accepted and I was called for interview during the Indonesian Festival. A few companies couldnt send their representatives to Melbourne, so it ended up only CommBank, ANZ and Petrosea.
Petrosea & CommBank's interview fell on the saturday, whilts ANZ was on the Sunday.
I loved my interview with Petrosea & CommBank. (i'll skip the petrosea & ANZ part, since this is all about CommBank)
The Commonwealth Bank was the second interview, which came to be a very unique interview. There were 2 interviewers, Pak Denny & Pak Tjipto. It began very cliche, what do I know about CBA, why I want to work there and so forth. But then I came to a part where I asked questions about them & CBA and they became very enthusiastic in explaining it all to me. I also experience something that I have never ever have before in any of my past interviews:
1) We spoke about Ministry. Can you believe it?!! I couldnt. They asked me whether I wanted to work in Indo or in Aussie when I graduate. And i came clean. I said, everything is in Indo, but I'm involve with a ministry for teenagers in Melbourne, and its making me hard to choose. (fyi, I was honest bcoz i knew they had the same faith as me). And they told me that ministry can be anywhere. Even in the office can be a ministry.
2) One of the interviewers said that they had a DeJaVu the moment they were interviewing me. And he asked me whether I know what dejavu meant, and i said no. He told me that it means in the past God has already given him a vision that this was gonna happen. Unreal!
They were really supportive. Even though they knew I planned to work in Aussie first, They told me to contact them when im on vacation to Jakarta and have a chat with them. Who knows i change my mind, they said.
since that moment, I became interested in CommBank.

Nov 2008
i made my mind up that I would try and find a job in Melbourne and stay there for another year. I quit my current job at Woodland Group after working there for 1,5 years. Commbank, Petrosea & Anz? 2010 probably i'll contact them again.

December 2008
Exactly during my Graduation ceremony, I had phonecall from Jakarta - Commonwealth Bank. My dad was right beside me and heard me said 'Commonwealth Bank Jakarta?'. They invited me to come to a psikotest on January 6th, and asked whether I would already be in Jakarta by then. I couldnt lie, my dad was beside. so I said yes.
Tried applying jobs in Melbourne, but my agent told me to apply when I come back from Indo, which is around Feb 09.

January 2009
I came late to the Commonwealth test. my family had a feeling that I wasnt trying hard enought for the test and they didnt see any eagerness in me.
Yeah, they lectured me quite a lot. Questioning why i want to be in Melbourne so much. Little did they know that the answer was right in front of them (okay, different topic :P)
I didnt hear any news from Commonwealth for around 3-4 weeks. Thought i wasnt accepted. it was alright. honestly - it was really okay.
my families kept asking "have u heard from them? have they called you?" nope. nadaa. dont worry, im getting a job in Melbourne! or so i say :P

February 2009
Another phonecall came, surprisingly it was from CommBank. inviting me to another test, but this time it was for the Credit Analyst. Okay, I accepted the invitation.
Again, i came late. it was unintentional, but i thought it was just not meant to be. Coming late to 2 tests? Come on, that's just so not me.

the next week, i was invited to the FGD. I didnt think I did my best, but i just surrendered it all.
afterwards, they called me for an interview with the BoD on the following day.
okay, that was fast!

And then it was medical check up time - Right before I was flying back to Melbourne.
This was tough, because if i got accepted in CommBank, i had to come back to Jakarta for good. That was the deal with my dad.

I went through the Med Check Up, but that was just 90% of confirmation. I havent signed anything yet, i was not 100% sure i had been accepted. And i didnt want to be sure, because i wanted to stay in Melbourne.

i've renewed my apatment contract, i've applied my for 1,5years visa in Aussie, i've contacted the recruitment agent. I've planned it all for me to go and stay in Melbourne.

I told the HR that i needed to go back to melbourne to pack all my stuff. She said it's fine since the program starts early April. okay, so I had 1 month to pack in Melbourne and say all my good byes.. =(

March 2009
Seriously guys, 1 month to pack up and handle all the papers, etc. That was just too hectic! The stuff that I haf there is way too much, since they were my sisters' stuff as well. It was really God's grace that I could pack 30 boxes, handle all the apartment matters,finding new apartment &housemate for my current housemate, ministry matters and so on. I even started selling my furnitures 2 weeks before I left, and that was crazy!! but everything was sold just in time. really.. God's grace..

from then on i knew that if it was His plan, He'll take care of everything.

oh yeah, i signed the contract the very next day i arrived from Melbourne. :)

April 2009 - June 2009
and here I am, being one of the Graduates. With 15 new friends, they're also the reason i knew it wasnt a mistake to sign my life away for the next 2 years.

oh about those 15 new friends i have made, i'll make another post about them. they're just the greatest! (well, at least most of them are)

gotta go now!
cheers!

"Nothing in me that I may boast of, since all that I have accomplished are simply God's grace in my life" - honestly from the heart.

confession of the homesick gal

2009-04-13T17:14:00.004+10:00

People get so confused when I say that I miss Melbourne terribly much.
even my parents, well my dad especially. He thinks that i have a guy over there, which makes me like Melbourne more.

i dont blame them. I mean, my friends from childhood, church friends, high school friends, relatives and families are all in Jakarta. So why should I miss Aus?? Even I hated the thought of going to Melbourne before I moved there. And now to say that I havent felt like home yet in jakarta, you guys must think I'm crazy.

Now for the confession time.
One of the strong reasons i feel the way I do is,... get ready guys,,,
Is because I can escape from reality when I'm in Melbourne.
Being away from everything that's truly important to me, made me shift my focus and thoughts from them. I can act fine, normal, as if as I have a perfectly normal life.
I was not indenial, i was just ignorant.
I didnt want to care that much, since my thought was focused on personal life, ministry, etc when I was in Melbourne.
I just handed over those cares and concerns to those that were in Indonesia. my thoughts were "okay, im not in Jakarta. So that's not my problem atm. Let me just focus on my studies". I do pray about it, but that was just it.

Now that Im in Jakarta, everything is so different. Life has come to reality. and I am left with no choice but to deal with it. huu
but if Melbourne was my training ground, i guess God thinks im actually ready to face this all. I wanna believe in that.

Just to set things straight, my personal life seems great. My family's are all fine and healthy.
But there's more to things than just the physical/financial matter.
and that is where my reality comes in.

thoughts from Lipstick Jungle :P

2009-04-08T14:44:00.002+10:00

I’d be a fool if I do something for everyone else except for myself. – lipstick jungle

The second I heard that sentence, I thought to myself and said “how true is that?”
Everything that I’m doing or have done, are they all based on the intention to please everyone else? Or are they based on my fear of looking like a fool if I don’t do what seems right? I have to change, and start thinking about myself.

But then the second passed away, and another thought overcome the previous one. What about the verse that says “It no longer I who lives but Christ lives in me.”? Some of thoughts from the previous paragraph were right, but rather than start thinking about myself, I need to put my heart and focus on His heart and His focus. No more living for the world. No more living for myself. But I’m living for His purpose and His plans. Because no matter what it is, His intentions will always be for my very best.

I may look like a fool for doing what seems uncommon to the world, but help me Lord that I’ll stay in your path always.

in doubt

2009-04-01T14:43:00.002+11:00

Have you every felt that you’re not doing the right thing? Not making the right choices? It seems good and everything that it offers seems great, but then again it’s not what you want?

I’m feeling that at the moment.

I thank God that I can be in Jakarta again. That everything fits just right. All of the things I needed were actually provided for me in the right time. And my family - they are happy – so should I.

But why is that I keep on looking back? I keep on thinking that I should have searched for jobs in Melbourne? And how I loved to stay there longer.

This homesick phase is letting me feel that I made the wrong decision.

Did I? Will all the doors to a path be wide open – only to lead me to the wrong path? But if so, then why would all the doors to the other path be closed tight? Was I meant to persevere for a little while? Did I really make all the choices in a hurry, without thinking twice? I prayed and prayed, but did I listen to His voice?

*sigh*

you know what. I should wake up! Smell the fresh air and just live my best for today!
I know that His grace and mercy is new for me each day. And even though if I may have made the wrong path, but by His grace He is able to change it for the better.
Start looking forward, stop looking back. He has a plan for me here and right now.

random

2009-01-30T03:17:00.002+11:00

Sepertinya liburan kali ini membawa gw smakin menjauh.

Gw jadi ga tau apa yang mesti gw ngelakuin.

Don't have the enthusiasm to do anything.

My future, my plans. Why am I so clueless all of a sudden?

2 hari yg lalu kyknya salah satu mlm terburuk selama bbrp taun ini.

anehnya gw ga trlalu terpengaruh. gak sedih. gak marah.

tetap ngejalanin hari sperti biasanya. tanpa plan.

heran.

what's wrong with me?

Should I go back to Melbourne asap? So i can just runaway from it all?

*wake up, dewi. New year. be a new person!*

need

2009-01-27T03:35:00.002+11:00

Long term vision & mision:

- help & give to the homeless kids/beggars (they're our nations future guys)

- make a cupcake store (dunt even kno how to make cupcakes :S)

- be an environmentalist

- influence & change my country (dunno how, seems impos)

so help me God.

thank God it's Friday

2008-12-05T23:34:00.005+11:00

Honestly, im kinda embarassed at the moment.
After knowing that a few of my church friends actually stopped by this blog.
Feels a bit weird, cause other than Tara, the other's are just cyber-friends whom i havent actualy met. So its a bit awkward for ur 'real' friends to actualy know what's actually on ur mind. haha.. oh well, got nothing to hide, rite? :P well I better stop putting up humiliating videos of me singing!! hahahaha

anyways, just a short post before i start cleaning up my apartment.

I had quite a fun interesting day today. I hung out with people that I haven't actually hung out with before, which was quite interesting. I was introduced to a guy who was actually working at Dun&Bradstreet. The weird thing was that I actually tried to apply work in there yesterday. It kinda shocked me when I heard that company's name, coz I've been going to Dun&Bradstreet website the whole day yesterday, trying to read more about the company. And when this guy knew I was looking for a job, he instantly said 'Oh I can help you out there'. Little did he know that I actually applied there yesterday so I told him that I'll be going back to indo for 2 months, and will let him know when I get back. It seems more than a coincidence. From all of the companies there are in Melbourne, why did he have to work at D&B, the company that I've been reading about and applying job there. Well, dont wanna get my hopes up:)

Oh yeah, I also had my medical check up today! for immigration purposes :)
Urine test - check!
Height, weight, Eye test - check!
HIV Blood test - check!
Blood pressure and general examination - check!
X-Ray - Check!

i was really anxious of the HIV Blood Test! I know I dont have HIV, but i was just so paranoid. Somehow i imagined the nurse being such an evil person, who uses an HIV-infected needles to take the patients' blood, and spread the virus to everyone! I know, i've been watching too many movies :S
the mean thing was that the nurse laughed at me cause he knew that I was scared. He had that smirk on his face the whole time.. hiks hiks..

another funny thing was the X-Ray.
The nurse told me to take my top & underwear off but she didnt tell me what to wear.
so out of my naiveness I said "Do I not wear anything?"
and she just laughed at me..
hello???! that is not an answer...

lastly, the X-Ray test.
the guy told me to take a deep breath, and i was confused!! all because of CHOIR!!!
hahahahaha... all these times while singing, i've been trying to make it a habit for me to take the correct type of breath - which is from the stomache - not from the chest. So when the guy told me to take a deep breath, I automatically breathed in from my stomached not from my chest (coz my stomache was the one that became bigger, and not the chest part) and the whole point of the X-Ray was the chest part. so i guess i really did take the wrong type of breathe! oh no!! and the guy only took 1 photo.. no retaking... hiks hiks
hmmm I have to blame Ko Ivan for this one... for making it a habit to breathe from the stomache...

sigh! oh well.. i guess it's up to God know for the results.. :P
should be alright..

i know this is out of the topic... but wordpress!! man, looking at my friends moving from blogspot to wordpress just makes me wanna move!
be content dewi, be content. lol

oh yeah, i have been thinking about grace lately. Not my sister grace, but the actual GRACE itself. so my next post will probably be about that. cant wait!

getting stronger

2008-12-01T13:31:00.000+11:00

please

2008-11-21T14:30:00.002+11:00

I feel like i wanna scream..

I feel like i wanna explode..

I feel like I wanna cry...

I feel like i just want to know the answer..

tired of proving the rights or wrong..
so tired of explaining my point of view, since its totally different to yours..
yeah i know you love me, and you want what's best for me, but please just know it's my life and i think it's time for me to make decisions as well.

Overspiritual? is there ever such a thing called overspiritual??
how is it that one can be too spiritual? is there a level that we're too close to God and its wrong?
is overspiritual even biblical?

oh my GOSH!!

im so not going to the fact that we go to different denominations. that should not be a problem since our 'manual book' is the same.

now please, go do what you want to do.
let me find out from HIM what His plans for me are.

i need to find that on my own.

without people forcing their plans on me.

No, that's not what I need.

After Uni.. what's next?

2008-11-14T11:06:00.005+11:00

I've finished my final exams 2 days ago!.. yeahh Finish.. as in FOREVER!!
no more exams.. no more papers.. no more!! until i decide to go to grad school..

Anyways, talking bout graduating will lead to the topic of what's next? Work?
as it's already a headline in most countries, yes this world is going through a global financial crisis. And i probably assume that everyone knows why it happen, how, and so on. So i won't be talking about that in here. oh, its kind of an irony that i was indirectly expose to this crisis since the crisis still first started, and no one even knew about it yet.. I started my job at july 2007, when the sub prime just happen.. totally weird! and hear I am now, still surrounded by the news of the market's up-down swing.

*oh gosh, why am i babbling on about this?*

I was going to focus on the JOB MARKET IN THE FINANCIAL CRISIS!!
Since i'll be graduating soon, it's of course most reasonable if I go search for a job. But with big companies laying off their employees, and cut jobs to cut expenses, what about us?? the unemployed ones?
People think that i'm crazy for quitting my job in 2 weeks time. Crazy because i'll have to look for another job next year. Crazy because we don't know whether the economy will worsen or not in the next few months.
but somehow, i felt a 'peace' inside of me when i told my boss that i'm leaving. And I know that 'peace' in me is worth much more than the wage i get. :)

Am I worried in finding a job next year? Am I scared that there won't be enough opportunities with the number of graduates this year?
Yeah of course it has crossed my mind and is probably still in my mind.
But then again, I'm sure that everything will be alright.

talking about all of this slashing jobs and all, it may be a good thing, since the last few decades the Finance industry has been growing a lot. a little bit too much I guess. People working in the Banking & Finance area has been getting paid quite a lot, around 60% of the wages in other sectors. *yes, unbelievable*
So maybe it's good chance for the industry to balance it's self in the world wide sector. well, it never is good to go to the extreme. Maybe by this event, other people will be attracted to other industries - which leaves me with less competitors *i wish* lol.

Hmm.. what about grad-school?? since it's hard to get a job, is grad school an option? Well, that depends on your purpose and ambition i guess.
but as for me, im still lost. I know that i'm not called yet for grad school, so i don't want to go ahead in doing things that's just way over my ability. Honour degree has become an option and it still is an option for me, but it's another year being spent. I really need to know what to do.

Somehow, i feel a strong urge for me to go find a job in the challenging market, and not study, but then again i still havent received that confirmation and conviction from above yet :).

But am I still worried? Nope :)
God's plan, in His time, He will supply everything.

i hold on to that all the time.
I know it's His plan for me to graduate at this very moment (this month, this year, in this financial crisis), so if He wants me to get a job after I graduate, then a job it is. Nothing is every impposible. Not when I've got Him!

Cheers!
<3

encouragement

2008-11-04T21:57:00.004+11:00

Dani :

Don't worry, De! God will do miracles, tetep percaya ya! Tuhan aja udah buktikan ama yg lain-lain di dlm hidupmu, pasti juga in this one! God is there to save you!

Feli :

Your Big Daddy in heaven's GOT YOU!

a song by Sidney Mohede :

My heart is strengthened by all that I have seen

How I thank God, that He uses other people (directly and indirectly) to remind me of how I should not worry, because I'm not alone. and that I've got Him. I'm in the palm of His hands. I'm the apple of His eye. I will not be forsaken, no i wont. For I am Your child.
You've proven Your faithfulness in my life. You've proven how You loved me so and You care for every single simple things in my life. I know You will do the same this time and forever.

My faith is in YOU. Hallelujah!

My heart is set on things above!

writer type.

2008-11-04T02:35:00.006+11:00

I got a link to a handwriting quiz from Tara. Just out of curiosity and keisengan, i thought of trying it out.

the result was: Sensitive Writer

I was shocked when i read the heading, and automatically judged it incorrect. Then i read through the description of it, and safe to say, it's actually true.
It represents me in most ways. (Oh, you can try the quiz at here)

k, the description was:

SENSITIVE WRITER

Your handwriting reveals you as a thoughtful, intellectual type who avoids fake people and places where there's lots of noise and crowds. You're probably the one people go to when they're feeling super sad and don't run off at the mouth unless someone hounds you for your opinion.
Being creative is probably easy for you, but expressing it in front of a large group is not. You might write in a blog or journal, enjoy things that are old-fashioned or obscure and (maybe) don't get most pop culture references (who cares about 'em anyway?).

It's cool and awesome how quizzes are sometimes true.
I prefer quizzes than horoscopes (of course.. that's such a make belief) it's just more realistic since it takes into account your habits, etc.

Btw, first exam has just passed.
I felt like i was gonna die in the first 15 minutes!! What in the world were those questions??!! i just dont wanna fail. I've never thought that in uni i would be scared of failing. but now, it's my final semester, and everything has just went differently frow what I had planned. I regretted it, yes i do. But nothing else that I can say or do.
I love my Dad for always being understanding, and comforting me. And telling me that I can take a Master Degree to increase my GPA. but i just feel so bad. I dissapointed him - unintentionally.
Oh God, once again, I need Your Divine Intervention. I've done my best, Im just giving it to You now and letting You do the rest! my worries upon You, Lord, My Heavenly Father.

Excited

2008-10-10T12:55:00.003+11:00

Wow!! it's been three months since i last wrote in this blog..
miss it so,, but i have been so hectic these past months..

with my studies, my ministry, my work, my own social life, my house..

wow.. time sure has ticked fast..
im still in shock..

well anyways!! i'm EXCITED!!

For tonight!!

the youth ministry in our church is having another TOTALLY YOUTH SERVICE..
but it's different than the TYS before..
why? well maybe because we're all fired up now..
and we all have realized that it's all about souls!!
we have finally come to realize that we're not save just for our own advantages..

salvation.. it's personal,, but it's not an individual thing..
it's for everyone.. ^^

I really really have the desire and longing for people to come and know who Jesus is..

He's my God,,
He's my saviour
My Healer
my Helper (oh yeaah,, got something to share.. later on yaa)
My Friend..
My Father

The One who gave His life for me..

and tonight,, im praying people with have soften hearts, and open their hearts for Him.. :) Let His name be glorified tonight! His awesomeness fill that place..

gotta ciao..
ttyl ;) Gbu

fairness

2008-07-25T14:57:00.002+10:00

Sebenernya yg namanya keadilan ga sih?
fair, adil

gw lagi nge-reflect aja keadaan keluarga gw.
and sempet ada sesuatu terlintas di kepala gw, dan gw langsung spontan bilang "ko gak adil banget sih?"

yah klo mo jujur gw msih ngedoain, and gw yakin tahun ini bakal ada yg berubah =)
tapi tetep aja. ko selama ini? kenapa harus nunggu bertahun2 seperti skarang?
ko gak adil banget sih?

dan siapa yg mau gw salahin? Tuhan? gak. Papa / Mama? gak. Indonesia? oh mungkin!

tapi yah udah, apa daya?
adil ato gak, yah emang gak bisa diubah.

terus gw jadi mikir.
speaking ttg 'keadilan', apa iya adil buat gw utk terima grace dari Tuhan itu?
apa adil, gw udah berulang kali jatuh dalam dosa, ngecewain Tuhan, nyia2in anugrah-Nya, tapi pas gw dateng lagi k Tuhan, Dia udah ngelupain semuanya? Apa itu adiL?
Gak sama skali.

yang namanya adil gw gak akan pernah tau ukurannya gimana.
dan mungkin gw gak mau tau. Tapi gw bersyukur Dia Tuhan yg penuh kasih karunia. Yang selalu ngampunin. Oh, bukan berarti Dia lemah & gak adil. Dia adil, coz Dia pun kasih 'grace' itu ke kita smua, gak peduli sejauh apa kita jatuh.

dan skarang gw tau klo yg gw ingini & perlukan itu bukan keadilan, but only grace (kasih karunia itu). =)

1 Yoh 1:9 Jika kita mengaku dosa kita, maka Ia adalah setia dan adil, sehingga Ia akan mengampuni segala dosa kita dan menyucikan kita dari segala kejahatan.

Apa ada keadilan di dunia ini? Yes there is. mungkin ga sesuai dengan ukuran kita, but there is.

2008-07-20T19:25:00.003+10:00

sebenernya banyak banged yg pengen diceritain.
apalagi setelah Winter Camp. there's been a change in my life.
change to the better i guess =)
Just can't stop proclaiming how good God is.
I know there are a lot more in store for me. So i just cant wait.
Oyah, lagu yg diatas, itu lagu yg dinyanyiin di Manifest Youth.
Just loved the song so much.. sebenernya dari manifest yg sebelumnya udah disering dinyanyiin, tapi yah lupa and baru keinget tadi malem.
aneh banged deh, udah 4 kali manifest gw dateng, tapi yang kali ini bener2 rame banged. Feli emang bilang sih gerejanya udah 30 harian gitu puasa, and sejak itu annointingnya beda banged. WOW..
but i know God's doing different things at each church. I know He's got his plans for every one of His church.

Father God I come to you
Empty handed only to
Willingly lay down
All my earthly crowns

For what is gold within your light
Or frail diamonds in your mighty hands

I don't wanna move, but lift my hands
I don't wanna speak but to say

I worship You, because of who you are
You are lovely
I worship You, because of who you are
You have loved me

turning point

2008-07-15T19:44:00.002+10:00

minggu lalu gw lagi sering denger istilah ini: Turning point.
gara2 winter camp and manifest, temen gw sering ngomong ke anak2 teens ttg 2 event tersebut (anak2 teens, di postan berikut gw jelasin deh yah..)
yah untuk sekedar promosiin event2 ini, temen2 gw kasih testi2 ttg acara2 tsebut.
misalnya yah: "YeaH, you guys should come to winter camp!! Last year's camp was the turning point for me!!"
atau
"Come to Manifest guys!! You should come, you wont regret it!! Last year's one was Andrew's turning point."

gara2 keseringan denger istilah "Turning point" itu, gw jadi mikir. When was my turning point??
nah loh.. gw ga bisa inget 1 significant event that totally changed my life. gw langsung worry gitu. Jangan2 gw belum ngalamin yg namanya turning point? Kalo emang belum, apa gw masih hidup djalan yg salah?
then i start to do a bit or reminiscing.
i knew God every since i was a kid. Ortu gw udah slalu ngajakin ke gereja dll, and dari kecil kita slalu doa bareng, dibiasain. gw aja mulai bersaat teduh sejak SD.
tapi yah itu emang karena kebawa orang tua. SMP gw mulai ngelayanin Tuhan, aktif di gereja. walopun tetep ngelakuin dosa. terus lulus SMA gw bertobat lagi. apa itu turning point gw? tapi gw juga gak drastis berubah pas itu. masih aja ada pergumulan2 sendiri. terus kapan donk turning point buat gw???

Sampe skarang gw gak tau kapan atau dimana turning point gw. Tapi yg gw yakinin setiap kali gw dateng k Tuhan, gw slalu diubahkan sedikit demi sedikit into the image of God. I don't know whether my preception is right/wrong, but i believe that i don't need a certain event/time where God dramatically changes me 180 degrees. I was called and am saved. fullstop. and ever since i've been saved, i'm in the process of being more like Christ. My turning point was when i believed and accepted Christ. Sp that would be when I was just 12 years old - when my journey started with Him.

So i dunno whether this year's winter camp, last year's camp, this year's manifest, last year's manifest changed me into a different person or not. But i know that ever single encounter i have with Him, i'm running towards Him more and more.

cinta tuh sakit

2008-07-04T11:19:00.004+10:00

Satu mobil, 3 cowo, 1 cewe.
Ternyata bisa juga muncul percakapan2 yg sangat ama tak terduga.

tadi mlm skitar jm 11an, anak2 pd ngumpul di airport berhubung ada beberapa orang yg mau balik k indo.
karena ada beberapa kejadian, pas di jalan pulang dari airport tiba2 satu demi satu pertanyaan dilemparkan. and secara gw satu2nya cewe di mobil itu, mereka pd minta perspektif gw sebagai seorang perempuan.

"De, klo lo ngalamin hal yg sama, apa yg bakal lo lakuin?"

"Hal yg sama?"

"Iyah, sebagai cewe. kalo misalnya cowo lo tiba2 suka cewe lain, and lebih memilih cewe lain itu, sampe2 elo diputusin. Eh abis itu dia menyesal, soalnya dia nyadar elo yg dia pengen. Emangnya lo bakal maafin n trima kembali?"

"hmm" gw mikir lama, soalnya byk banged yg pgn gw jawab tpi ga mungkin.
"seharusnya sih nggak. Logikanya sih ga boleh. tapi.."

"tapi ada chance lo bakal maafin yah?"

"iyah sih. apalagi klo udah sayang banged."

"kok bisa sih? gw mah udah langsung ilfil. klo misalnya cewe gw punya co lain, yah dibayangan gw udah dia ama tuh cowo terus."

"tapi masa ga ada perasaan sayang??"

"masih ada lah.. cuman ilfilnya itu pasti lebih gede."

"tpi pasti ada perasaan 'gw masih sayang ama dia'."

"yah iyaa.. tapi tau deh. mungkin krn gw blon diposisi itu."

bener banged. mungkin karena dia belum pernah ngalaminnya.
3 cowo itu pada bilang klo mereka udah pasti ngelupain cewenya seandainya tuh cewe sempet 'selingkuh' ato 'suka cewe lain'. tapi apa iyah bakal segampang itu? apalagi seandainya cewenya minta maaf terus2an and berjanji bakal berubah, and lo masih sayang ama tuh cewe. gw yakin mereka bakal luluh juga.

yah gw gak bisa nge-judge temen gw yg ngalamin itu. karena gw yakin dia cuman nurutin perasaannya doank. gw gak bisa bilang cowonya pantes dapet kesempatan ke-2 atau nggak. yang gw tau, setelah gw ngeliat kebelakang n liat diri gw, gw mungkin bakal ngelakuin hal yg sama juga (klo gw sayang banged). walopun logikanya sangat bertolak belakang. tapi yah gw gak mau munafik aja.

yang penting dia bisa bikin temen gw bahagia, yah apaboleh buat. yg berlalu biarlah berlalu. smua orang ngelakuin kesalahan. asal dia menyadarinya dan coba utk berubah.

oh btw, itu cuman satu dari beberapa pertanyaan yg mereka nanya ke gw.
ada juga:
"lo suka ga klo dikejar2 cowo? yg dikejar2nya tuh ampe pantang menyerah. terus2an diperhatiin, ditelpon dll?"
"klo pacaran lebih suka rame2 bareng ama temen2 cowo n cewe atau berdua, ekslusif aja?"
dll lahh...

setelah gw jawab pun, mereka ngasih pandangan mereka ttg itu smua.
ternyata menarik juga ngelihat ini dari perspektif cowo.

satu kesimpulan yg gw dapatkan pas gw injak keluar dari itu mobil:

Cinta tuh sakit! (salah satu dari cowo itu yg keluarin komen ini :])

proses kedewasaan

2008-06-30T11:22:00.003+10:00

Hah.. 30 Juni..

akhir dari semester pertama tahun 2008. besok kt bakal memasuki bagian kedua dari tahun ini.

hari ini gw ditinggalin kakak gw,Dani. Dia udah memutuskan utk balik ke Jakarta, deket sama keluarga sambil jg cari pengalaman kerja disitu. Memang sih dia bakal balik k melbourne lagi, tpi itu pun juga ga tau kapan.
Selama 2 tahun, gw tinggal bareng dia. Sebelumnya pun sjak kecil sampe tahun 2003 akhir gw bareng dia terus. Sedih sih, kerasa banget. apalagi selama ini gw slalu ngandalin dia utk masalah2 rumah, bayar2 tagihan, dll.

skarang tanggung jawabnya diserahkan ke gue.

hari ini juga pun, gw kedatangan 2 housemate baru. bener2 baru. dapet kenalan dari temen. mereka kk beradik, Mega & Linda. Mega seumuran gw (tpi lebih muda, n masih tingkat pertama kuliah), and Linda lebih muda 2 tahun. Gw bener2 dianggap lebih tua gtu sama mereka, keputusan2 apa aja mereka terserah gw aja.
aneh banget. kayaknya dulu gw bergantung sama 2 orang (Dani n k'hedy), sekarang seakan2 ada 2 orang yg bergantung sama gw.

kesannya tuh kayak gw emang lg diajar utk jdi dewasa banget. Untuk ambil alih and juga tanggung jawab. Gw sperti ganti 'role' gtu. Yang dulunya gw bener2 ga mikir apa2, and terserah ama Dani & K'Hedy, sekarang Mega & Linda apa2 harus tanya gw dulu.

Gw rada takut sih, jujur. Gw bukan tipe orang yg suka mimpin, atopun 'care' ma orang. Selama ini gw cuek banget.

Lija kmaren bilang "honestly de, bagus banget kok kalo punya housemate. I mean not living always with ur own sis…karena dari situ juga lah karakter elu bener2 dibentuk dan jadi lebih mandiri…"

Gw tau dia bener. Mau ga mau gw jg harus berubah. Bisa ataupun nggak, situasi pun pasti bkal ngebentuk gw. and hopefully, gw jadi org yg lebih baik - lebih dewasa & mandiri.

oyah, orang2 kantor baru nyadar klo gw ultah ke 21st kemaren. dan kamis ini mereka ngajak makan2 di restoran italy sebrang kantor ^^. Baik bgt sih bos gw, tpi asli gw masih ga nyambung n ga nyaman klo bareng ma mereka.

gw bener2 ngerasa 21 tuh umur yg dewasa bgt skarang. sedih & takut juga sih.

2008-06-26T10:20:00.002+10:00

mau mau mau!! keren euy!! $2,900.. parah Rp 24,000,000.00 gamungkin gw buang2 uang buat itu..

gw punya nih clana kyk gini,, tp ko kyknya ga cocok yaa.. kependekan kali dahh gw.. padahal udah make hak gitu pas ke kantor.. tetep aja kurang tinggi..

lucuuuuu... buat kerjaa... duh kapan yah ga dingin lagii...

gak banged

2008-06-24T10:00:00.004+10:00

parah.

gw baru menyadari klo dulu ternyata gw tuh orang yg termasuk sangat amat menyebalkan sekali.

dari cara gw ngomong, mikir, nulis.

parah.

ko gw bisa sih sesombong itu? segengsi itu? senorak itu? se-PD itu?

iih. klo gw jadi orang lain mungkin gw ga mau deh berteman dgn diri gw ndiri.

ga heran gw kalo ada yang sebal dgn gw and klo ada yg blg gw 'b*tch' (pardon the language).

anehnya kenapa gw ga menyadari yah.

ngerasa paling benar gitu dulu.

Semoga orang2 bisa lihat klo gw emang berubah and msi dlm proses utk berubah.

oh dan satu lagi, gw salut and b'trima kasih banget dgn teman2 deket gw yg bisa berteman dgn gw (haha) and liat kebaikan yg ada di gw inspite of smua keburukan gw. =)

loves*

minggu.

2008-06-23T12:26:00.003+10:00

aNeh banged.

gw yakin bukan suatu kebetulan sih,,
tpi kemaren pas d greja k'daNiel tuh ngebahas ttg sesuatu yg blakangan ini gw lgi ngerasain.

well, ga smuanya.. tpi sebagian.. and gw bener2 shock banget!! tpi gw ykin ini konfirmasi buat gw..

sayangnya gw ga bisa bahas disini..

tapi satu kquote yg K'Daniel kemaren bilang:
Faith is not believing without doubt - but it's believing in spite of doubts.

in the end, keinget ttg cerita seorang Ayah yg punya anak yg sakit, and dia minta Tuhan Yesus utk nyembuhin, tpi dia ragu - gak yakin klo Tuhan Yesus bener2 bisa. tapi Tuhan Yesus malah bilang
Katamu: jika Engkau dapat? Tidak ada yang mustahil bagi orang yang percaya!

and I think gw sering banget sperti ayah anak itu.
tapi skarang disaat gw lgi agak ragu, gw tau gw bisa t'riak k Tuhan sperti Ayah anak yg sakit itu

" Aku percaya - Tolonglah aku yang tidak percaya ini!"
"Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"
Mark 9:24

dan Dia bakal bantu gw utk memiliki faith itu kembali. like always.

that is my prayer, Lord.

umur LEGAL umur RIBET

2008-06-19T10:55:00.003+10:00

saya sudah berumur 21 tahun!

Umur yg katanya sudah legal untuk minum2, party, judi, dll (klo luar negri)

kayaknya byk banged yg mau diceritain, secara kemaren bener2 hari yg tak diduga banged.. dari seneng, sedih, ketakutan, terharu, panik, dan balik ke perasaan senang lagi =)

tapi kali ini, ditahun ini – diumur ini, ada banyak hal yg harus dipertimbangkan..
udah gak saatnya lg aku ngejalanin hari2 ini dengan ‘ngalir’ aja..
yang gak focus, and ga punya tujuan.. atau malah terlalu banyak target yg pengen aku capai?

Kyknya klo orang tanya ak mau jadi apa, aku pun gak tau.
Aneh.
Apa iya ak ga punya cita-cita?

Dulu sih pengen jadi diplomat sperti bokap – kerja keliling dunia, pindah2, and ngelakuin sesuatu buat Indonesia
Trus sempet mau kerja di Investment banking – kyknya kerja disitu tuh ‘high class’ aja
Pengen buka usaha sendiri – gak punya boss, tpi jadi seorang boss

Tpi klo dipikir2, itu smua bukan sbnernya yg gw pengen karena gw suka ngelakuin, tpi gw pengen kerjaan itu coz gw liat dari sisi enaknya ajaa.

Nah skarang gw udah berumur 21, setidaknya gw harus punya target yg harus gw coba capai.. setidaknya utk 5 tahun ke depan..
Gw mau kerja dimana? Kerja apa? Mau sekolah lagi? Tinggal dimana? Indo/aussie?

Kok kayaknya banyak yg harus gw pilih..

Aaaahh pusing..

Emang sih pada bilang kembali lagi k purpose and calling gw tuh kemana..
Masalahnya gw juga ga tauuu…
N gw gamau bergantung ama keadaan ngebawa gw kmana.. ga mau skedar apply2 kerjaan n liat nanti kantor mana yg nerima gw..
Gw pengen ada tujuan..
Tujuannya itu apa?? Gatauu…

Tuhan tolong!!!

*btw, gw baru bikin bagian baru "thoughts" (dibagian atas, selain love,faith and random) gw bjanji taun ini mo lbi dket lg ma Tuhan.. so im just gonna write down all the questions i haf in my mind for Him.. =)

laki gw ;)

2008-06-15T01:37:00.003+10:00

Setelah skian lama gak ngebahas soal 'cinta', skrg gw bakal tulis post ttg ini!! ^^
ga tau knp pas lg blajar tiba2 kepikiran aja satu prtanyaan.

ada temen yg blg "Lo tuh pemilih. Ga usah tlalu milih2, dew.."
gw jdi coba utk 'ngaca'.. renungin,, apa iyaa gw tlalu milih2...

'Sebenernya cowo sperti apa sih yg gw cari?'
oke lah, yg penting banged ga usah dibahas yahh (kyk cinta Tuhan, kuat iman, cinta gw, baik dll) itu sih emg uda wajib hukumnya.
tpi barusan dpt sms aja dri tmn yg pernah ngedektin gw (atau masih? ntahlah..).. gw tadi coba inget2 knp gw ga nrima dia. Mari kita sebut saja W.
Let's see.. Dia tuh udah baik, perhatian, cinta Tuhan (kyknya), mandiri.. so?
yah emang ga suka aja sihh.. trus mo gmn donk? apa perasaan bs dipaksa?

lain lgi.. si Y..
pinter, baik, ramah, perhatian.. oyahh!! cinta Tuhan banged (kliatannya)
tpi plisss deh.. gw paling ilfil klo orang make nama Tuhan utk ngedeketin gw..
suka ya suka ajaa.. gw usah bilang klo Tuhan bilang gw jodohnyaa :S

okeh. contoh lain lagi.. blg saja Z.
dia tuh ya.. lucu, mayan okeh kok, asik. Tipe2 'bad boy' (yg klo gw msih smp/sma, mungkin gw bakal tertantang utk jdian ma dia)
knp gw tolak? Gila yaa...msih jadi pacar org aja brani2 dketin gw.. sypa si mo pnya co kyk gtu..
ada jugaa... X.. sama persis.. msi punya cewe, tpi nembak.. apa maksudnya sih??
ga ngerti dah gw..

okeh,, itu cmn brp contoh sajaa.. untungnyaa.. yah untungnya gw msi tetep jdi temen sih ma mrka smuaa... emg asik2 buat tmen =)..

tpi kmbali k ptnyaan tadi..
setelah gw pikir2, yah gw juga ga tlalu ribet kok..
yg gw pgn tuh cuman co yg bisa bkin gw nyaman utk crita smuanya k dia.. yg memuja gw, tpi ga terlalu bergantung 100% sama gw,, yg ngehormatin gw, n ngertiin gw.. bisa nerima gw dgn kekurangan2nya dan puas dengan gw seorang saja..
ya itu saja kok..

kyknya yg trakhir pnting bgt.. liat aja X & Z,, ksian bgt kn cewenya,, ga tau klo cowonya tuh ngedeketin ce lain,, yah gw cm pgn co yg kyknya sudah cukup dgn memiliki gw seorang aja..
gw tau gw gak memiliki sgalanya,, tpi biar gw bener2 jadi segalanya utk tuh co.
blakangan byk bgt gw liat cerita cinta temen2 yg kayaknya byk melibatkan pihak ke-3 (cewe lain maupun cowo lain.. iyaahh cewe bisa juga kok menduaa) pdhal ga kliatan banged dari tampang n kpribadian klo mrka tuh sanggup utk ngeduain pacarnya.. parah dehh.. bener2. itu jdi bkin gw ragu juga, apa iya msi ada co setia?

and ttg kalimat temen gw "ga usah terlalu milih2"..
bukannya gw pilih2.. tapi hati gw tuh sesuatu yg berharga banged, and ga bakal gw kasih ke orang yg sembarangan..
jadi gw cm mo memastikan klo gw bkal ksi hati gw k orang yg tepat & bisa dipercaya aja..
Sesuatu yg sangat bagus dan mahal harganya akan sangat susah utk dicari dan didapatkan.. sama halnya dgn hati gw..
so if he really wants to have my heart, he has to make sure he really tries to get it.. =)

yah buat W,X,Y,Z. bukan mksud gw blg mereka ga pantas/ga baik buat gw.. bukan kok..
cuman kyknya ada wanita2 lain yg mungkin lebih cocok dgn mereka =)
they're great people, with some mistakes hehe.. tpi smuanya bener2 temen yg asik n baik kok.. so glad to know them!

sdikit tambahan.. ttg komen gw "apa iya masih ada co setia?".
gw yakin, klo masih ada ce yg setia (sperti gw hahaha,,, dan beberapa teman2 sayaa.. hoho), gw yakin pasti masih ada co yg baik hati n setia juga.. amin!!

mri kita liat beberapa tahun kedpan syapa yg berhasil mendapatkan hati sayaaa!!

kamis lagi.

2008-06-12T10:50:00.002+10:00

minggu depan, di jam yang sama, gw bakal tetap ada di kantor sih,
cuman lebih tua setaun dan sudah bebas dari Final Exam semester ini!! yey!!

6 hari lg udah berjuang sekeras mungkin..

kemaren pas gw plg k rumah, di lift ketemu sama bapak2 gtu gitu.
cma ketemu sbntar, dia turun di lantai 8.
dia ksitau gw namanya (tpi gw lupa maap).. and dia bilang "God bless you"
=)
jarang2 ketemu orang yg gak dikenal, and bilang klo Tuhan berkatin gw..

gw lg bingung nih.. sbnernya gatau sih bingung knapa, scara gw udah tau reality-nya.
tapi tetep aja.
bingung.

sputar film 'seks dan kota' :P

2008-06-09T02:46:00.007+10:00

Udah hampir jam 3 pagi and gw masih aja melek duduk di meja komputer :). Kyaknya stngah jam yg lalu baru mpe rumah bis nonton SEX AND THE CITY - MOVIE!!!! nonton yg midnight sih,, tpi asik ga terlalu rame. Chloe aja tdi kaget pas tau gw bakal nonton coz dia uda nyoba beli tpi fully book slama 2 minggu - parah banged yaaks!!
anyway, about the film!! LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!

Emang sih chick flick banget, tpi biarin dahh, gw tetep suka!!

smpet nangis *hampir nangis sih tepatnya, scara gw susah nangis* pas tngah2 film.. pas sang calon suaminya ga muncul di hari pernikahan, and si Carrie nampar dia and lemparin bunganya ke diaa!! parah banged!!! sedih!! yg sharusnya jadi hari pernikahan *most happiest day* eh malah dikecewain gitu. apalagi temen2nya yg supportive and ngedukung dia pas dia lg pemulihan. bner2 mengharukan skali!!

one part in the movie i really saw myself in there (not that i had experienced it :P), but when carrie was left left by the groom, she said that it was too painful and she cant even feel it anymore. she even said "Will i be able to laugh again?" and "I bury it deep down in my heart". yup!! i could totally relate to that and understand what she was saying..itu maksud gw dengan mati rasa!! but as time flies by, she did laugh again and she became alive again =). So did I.

I really liked how the story went, loved all the characters. Although the lifestyles in that movie is not the same as my principles, but i still like it a lot. Very entertaining.and lucu juga!! recommend it to all,, tpi kayaknya di indo bakal banyak disensor deh ;) parah sih adegan2nya MLnya.. namanya juga R Rated

Quite a Weekend

2008-06-08T03:26:00.000+10:00

Weekend ini bisa dibilang cukup padat. flash back sebentar:

Sabtu:
9 AM. Latihan musik d SIC. nyampe sana agak telat sih jam 9:15, tpi biarin deh yg cowo biar set-up alat2nya smua. baru bener2 mulai lat tuh skitar jam 9:30an, padhal kita harus kelar jam 10:30 scara mo ada baptisan. kasihan deh, kyknya smua lagu yg udah disiapin tuh hampir stengahnya harus diganti, coz K'David ksih byk input. katanya Tia, ya dia emang bassist-nya, jdi mending diikutin dee. haha sip dah! disuruh nyanyi depannya 'di s'tiap nafasku'.. i love that song, tapi tetep ajaa. nervous nyanyi solo!!
10:30 AM. akhirnya kelar juga, langsung ke Liberty Tower. tnyata blum pada kelar pengarahan. oiaa.. Masda dibaptis hari ini.. senangnya akhirnya dy ambil keputusan itu =). kyknya happy bgt deh liat orang mo nyerahin hidupnya k Tuhan. kita masih smpet foto2 gitu di kolam renang.. lol
12 PM. Ke seminar BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! semangat banget deh tahun ini ke BW, coz tahun lalu seminarnya keren banged!! bener2 diberkati dehh gw. tpi taun ini gw ga bisa dari awal, and baru dateng session 2 doank. Dani blg stiap kali dia ke gerejanya Planetshakers, atmosfirnya beda aja. and jujur, gw harus setuju sih. bener2 bisa ngerasain aja orang2 yg semangat banged buat Tuhan and ga malu/jaim aja utk ngmong ttg iman mereka.. apalagi the woman pastors2nya.. so passionate!! gw jarang sih liat ini di gereja2 indo. tapi ntah knapa kemaren, gw bner2 berdoa nti gw bakal jadi org sperti itu di indonesia.. *amien dah* set a new change!!
4:30 PM. K melben central - girls day out. makan2 di SPIGA.. asli makanannya ENAK BANGED!!!! gak boong deh!!
6:50 PM Balik k planetshakers, buat session terakhir BW. it was an awesome nite!! beneran dehh. I know my God is just amazing..
10 PM ke Melbourne central beli tiket film.. byk banged orang mabuk di jalan :S

oyah. skilas ttg seminarnya,, di session yg k-3, kita tuh diinget lg klo ki sbnernya udah jdi anaknya Tuhan.. bukan pelayan, hamba dll.. tapi bener2 anakNya. so sbnernya ga ada apapun yg bs kita ngelakuin utk bkin Dia lebih mencintai kita, atau utk bikin Dia berhenti mencintai kita. isn't that just GREAT?? Gue juga diinget klo Tuhan tuh a supernatural God, yg bkal mencukupi kebutuhan kita menurut kekayaanNya dan kemuliaanNya. and kemaren Ps Debbie Prescott tuh ksi byk banged kesaksian ttg orang2 yg ngeklaim janjiNya Tuhan itu.
- orang yg udah divonis ga bisa punya anak, jadi tiba2 hamil.
- orang yg hamil, tpi bayinya tuh didalam saluran apanya gitu, and belum pernah ada kasus dimana mamanya atau bayinya selamat,, tpi mereka berdua akhirnya slamat.
- orang yg punya byk utang tpi tiba2 ada temen yg bisa kasih check $10,000, bukan hanya skali, tpi 3 kaliii!!
- ada cewe di indonesia yg tangannya buntung, and pas didoain, tangannya bisa tumbuh!! and kerennya yg ngedoain tuh bukan pastornya tpi jemaat biasa.. bener2 ngebuktiin klo FirTu tuh bener,, kita smua emang dikasih kuasa utk melakukan hal2 yg mengherankan dengan kuasa dari Tuhan..

you know what, gw ga tau apa yg dialamin klian smua,, mungkin masalah berat banged, ato mungkin masalah sepele.. tpi yg gw tau adalah siapa Tuhan gw and apa yg Dia sanggup ngelakuin.. bener2 hal yg kyknya mustahil, Dia sanggup lakuin coz He is God..
and what ever He does, it's to bring goodness in our lives according to His purpose..

tau ga sih,, bener2 blum puas nih gw,, mo naik k level brikutnya :)

Mari bernyanyii

2008-06-04T21:46:00.012+10:00

hahaha saya sedang menggila dan lagi tidak ingin menulis....

instead, gw upload aja yaa beberapa laguuu.. jgn terlalu kaget ato senang duluuu..
ini cuman hasil dari kebosanan saya dan hp sayaaaa.. HAHAHAHA rekam pake HP kurang kerjaan yaaa?!!! ada lagu dari beberapa taun yg lalu, ada juga baru kemarenn :P

1) Khayalku...
lagi iseng2 dapet nada n lirik... hahaha maklumin yaa ada kord gitar salah ditengah2 n akhir.. ud males rekam ulang,, coz pasti nadanya lsg lupa... :P hmm anehnya kok yg ke upload cm setengah yaaa.. ntar dehh coba upload yg bener..

"Kukira ku t'lah mengenalmu, namun itu semua hanya khayalku

engkau yang begitu sempurna hanyalah bayangku, hanyalah inginku"

khayalku -

2) All For Love...
gw and dani lagi gada kerjaaan... and punya impian jadi pemusik tpi gak kesampaian.., hahaha
awalnya ada suara gw ngomong "Udah dan" soalnya dani nanya2 mlu "udah mulai direkam blom??" dan akhir2nya kacau banged,, soalnya sharusnya ganti kunci, tpi gw & dani yg ga ngertii gituuu haha.. kocak
All for love versi Me & dani -

3) United...
lirik ciptaan gw yg paling gw sukaaa.. ini pas lagi ngedoain Choir... pengen banged kita smua punya 1 hati dlm nyembah Tuhan =)
united.mp3 -
"Together as one we worship You, One hearted One voice to You our King, United we come
Join with the angels and all creations, we thank You we honour You this day, You are the glorious one, Jesus"

4) Pimpin aku..
kyknya taun lalu deh lgu ni muncul,, barengan ama United... dapet skitar jm 6an pagi gtuu
Pimpin Aku.amr -
"Pimpin aku tuntun langkahku kumau selalu menyenangkan hatiMu
Pimpin aku tuntun langkahku, tak ingin aku jauh dari kasihMu Tuhan, Allahku pimpin aku"

5) Your Love..
akhirnya gw nyambung ke I could sing of your love Forever..
"Your Love is never ending, It's new every morning"
Ur love.amr -

sekali lagiiii.. tolong dihiraukan gitarnyaa... karena memang gitar bukanlah bakat saya!!! hahaha..
kyknya harus minta Che mainin gitarnya buat gwww... skalian direkam ama diaaaa.. :P

mati rasa

2008-05-30T12:15:00.003+10:00

Gw pernah cerita ga seblumnya klo gw sempet men-cap diri gw "Mati Rasa".
kyknya tahun lalu, smpet ngobrol aja sama anak2 fa, and gw smpet cerita klo gw ga bisa ngerasain apa yg orang lain ngerasain.
klo ada yg sedih, jujur aja gw gak bisa ikut bersedih.
klo ada yg senang, sama juga, gw gak bisa ikut bersenang.
pengen sekali sih, tpi klo gw iya, mungkin itu semua sekdar pura2 saja.
klo lo nanya kenapa, gw sndiri juga ga tau knapa.
gw ksitau k anak2 fa, klo emang belakangan ini gw bkin tembok spya orang2 lain ga sembarangan masuk k kehidupan gw.
gw mo buktiin klo sjauh ini yah gw juga bisa kok ga terlalu ngandalin orang lain.. (ga terlalu loh, which means yah gw juga ngandalin org lain) =)
gw tiba2 teringat ini, pas baca note-nya Astrid.. (ode to the numb)
dia nulis hal persis sama ama yg pernah gw ngerasain..
tpi endingnya dia bilang "Kalo ga ada hati, yah ga ada perasaan"
gw ga mau jdi org yg ga ada hati..
gw masih punya kok perasaan, tpi mungkin ga terlalu sensitif and ga terlalu bergantung ama keadaan.

td mlm gw juga nganterin Nanat k airport.. masih ga percaya dia udah pindah..
i really treasure our friendship.
setelah gw share k anak2 FA aja ttg yg diatas tadi, nanat tuh somehow berhasil ngelewatin tembok yg udah gw pasang itu, dan menjadi salah satu temen baik gw..
dia tau gw orang yg cuek, ga trlalu sensitif dll, tpi despite it all, she just got to me..
buat yg ga tau dia, dia tuh bener2 bertolak belakangan dgn kepribadian gw..
bubbly, hyper, ceria, ramah, supel, caring.. wow..
and tadi pas masih bersedih, yah gw tau friendship ini ga berakhir,,
tpi satu hal yg gw dapet juga, justru gmana dia udah jadi impact di khidupan gw juga,, and gw mau blajar utk take all the positive sides from her..
mo belajar jadi ramah n caring..
bukan utk brubah jadi org lain,, tpi cuman memperbaiki kekurangan2 gw yg slama ini gw kira itu adalah 'khas' gw...

dukung saya terus yaa.. bakal susah..
tpi ak jg ga mo care/ceria yg pura2 aja.. mo yg genuine n tulus..

3rd week in May

2008-05-15T10:19:00.003+10:00

Quite a week..

been kinda busy researching what's going on with my dog.
can't believe that the Vet actually said that Coco is near the finish line!!
so unacceptable!!!
really want to find another vet, but dunno where!!
Im just not settling for it!,, I believe that Coco will be healed! i haf that faith!!

i look like a mess today,,
i furgot to clean my mascara last night, and today i went to work with mascara smudges on my face!. i guess that prove's i did by a water-proof mascara..

just watched ahmad dhani n mulan last night..
it was good,, mulan is very entertaining..
her voice? hmm unique.. great? hmm, i've heard better tho. but it's still nice..
and dhani's voice? i was never a fan of his voice.. his songs are great tho,, haf got to admit that..
too bad i left my camera at home.. dunno what's up with me, but leaving my camera is just so not me!!

oh yeah! tuesday's prayer meeting!!
in the bible it said that Holy spirit came with 2 forms, the wind & the fire..
honestly when i prayed, i didnt feel anything at first,,
i was fed up n desperate.. i told the Lord that i want something!! i was not gonna settle..
then suddenly i felt myself heated up.. really did.. n was not made up!!
it was really hot,,but it was only from chest upwards to my face.. felt like i was gonna explode..
and i know God told me that i haf received the power!..
but i do want more.. seeing people save, healed, delivered.. just like what it said in the bible!!
the miracles!! yes!! i want that!!..
i know i will see that..

it's been a great week so far.. sure its gonna be better..

ps: grace is otw to the vet with Coco.. i just wanna know what's wrong with him.. im not depending / expecting the vet to cure him..

my healer

2008-05-05T15:56:00.004+10:00

Winter udah mulai take-over, n byk banged tmen2 yg udah sakit..
gw pun udah mulai ngerasa kurang fit sejak jumat kemaren..
kayaknya pengennya tuh bersin2 mulu.. and mata tuh yang udah merah berair ga jelas..
pokoknya ga enak badan deh.. kerja juga ga konsen..
pas selesai lunch, gw langsung search di internet cara2 utk menyembuhkan flu..
yang gw temuin tuh :
1. Madu & Lemon panas..
2. Bawang putih.
3. Vit C (sharusnya sblum sakit sih)
4. Hirup air panas gituu... (taruh dibaskom gitu, n ditutupin handuk)..
5. Hot shower/bath..
yasu,, gw langsung inget2, spaya pas malemnya gw bs langsung ngelakuin.. coz gw ga mungkin boleh sakit minggu ini.. gawat aja klo iyaaa...

malamnya itu (hari jumat) kebetulan ada FA gabungan..
pas nyampe rumah kayaknya berat banged mo ke FA...
soalnya emang ga enak badan,, n palagi diluar tuh dingin, kykna mo stay didalem rumah aja..
but anyways, i still went to FA... anehnya, and gw yakin ga kebetulan ,Ps Daniel ngedoain byk orang2 pas udah mo selesai,, salah satunya tuh orang2 yg sakit (firmahnya si ttg kenaikan JC k heaven,, and how it's all finished,, he conquered the grave, the sickness, everything).. and didoain klo kita tuh udah sembuh , coz that's what JC did for us...
gw percaya kok saat itu klo gw juga udah smbuh 100%..
percaya & beriman, tpi tetep aja badan msi ga enak gituu..
pas pulang gw langsung masak air and campur lemon & madu.. trus juga minum vit C..

Sabtu pagi,,tetep ga ada kemajuan.,. hidung mampet.. mata berair..
padahal ada latihan musik jam 8:30.. tapi gw sengaja dateng agak telat..
gw masak air lagi, minum lemon & madu.. juga vit C.. tpi gw ga makan apa2 .. minum itu doank..
disatu sisi gw mau puasa,, tpi disisi lain gw mau smbuh (how contradicting i thought it was, yet i didnt' know that it actually worked together)..
gw udah yakin hari itu gw bakal padat banged.. dari lat musik --> seminar --> haircut --> DFO --> Malam batak (which i ended up not going to)..
dari pagi pun gw ga makan apa2 ampe jam 2 siang.. en itu cuman roti doank..
hari sabtu itu gw udah kluar rumah dari jam 9 pagi, pulang2 jam 6:30 malem..
gw udah yakin klo gw bener2 ga ngejaga kshatan gw,, akhirnya pas abis makan, gw langsung masak air byk banged, coz rencananya gw mo minum 4 gelas madu & lemon..

pas udah masak, gw bkin 1 gelas lemon & madu panas dulu,,
eh pas gw lagi nunggu airnya utk bisa diminum, Tuhan tuh tiba2 ngomong k gw.. "Why are you trying to heal your body by yourself? Why are you relying on yourself? dont you believe in Me healing you?"
gw bingung.. yah of course I believe in Him,, tapi di sisi lain, gw juga mo berusaha nyoba sgala macem cara supaya cepet sembuh.. secara gw bakal sibuk banget minggu yg mendatang inii..
and He suddenly said " I don't need you helping me to heal you. I am Jehovah -Raffa, your healer"
disaat itu juga, gw gatau mo jawab apa.. coz gw tau slama ini gw ngandalin kekuatan & kepintaran gw sndiri... trus gw cuman bilang, "What do you want me to do, Lord?"
"Just finish this glass of yours,.. but don't make anymore hot honey & lemon.. don't eat garlic.. don't eat Vit C.. don't eat any medicine.. I WILL Heal you.."
gw speechless.. and gw taat aja dehh.. padahal gw masih mo bikin 3 gelas lagi madu & lemon.. belum VIT-Cnya jugaa.. and garlic as well..
tpi pas Tuhan ngomong gitu, gw yakin itu saatnya gw ngerendahin diri n berserah aja sama Dia..

Minggu pagi..:
jam 7:30 gw bangun... anehnya, hidung gw gak mampet sama skali.. tenggorokan gw udah ga sakit pas nelen.. mata gw juga udah normal.. absolutely healthy..
it's amazing.. really is.. and I know that was not becoz of the honey and lemon i drank the other day.. nor the vit-C.. but it was truly becoz of Him healing me..

rata2 gw klo sakit flu tuh 7 hari.. ditambah 3 hari gw bener2 ga bisa ngomong,, 1 hari harus istirahat penuh.. and 4 hari lah buang2 ingus mulu gituuu... hehe..
tapi kali ini, gw baru mulai bersin2 hari jumat,, trus hari terakhir bersin2 tuh sabtu... hidung meler pun mulainya jumat malem,, ampe sabtu malem jugaa... pusing2 hari jumat.. demam juga jumat-sabtu..
tapi anehnya minggu gw bisa jalan2 sperti biasanyaa..
I just know my God is amazing..

--> I want to walk with you 24/7, Father.. Go before me,, stay beside me.. Love You!

reflect.

2008-04-30T16:07:00.002+10:00

Last week's menado:
I felt God revealing to me how precious I am in His sight.
It was utterly wonderful. Very romantic.
and suddenly one verse came up "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life"
i know that doesnt make sense (i would have imagine the verse saying You are honoured and precious in my sight) but what spoke to me was "the Truth"
He gave me understanding in a whole lot different way..
Not only is He true, but He is the truth.
Him saying that I'm precious, that's not a lie. because He is the truth.
damn wonderful.

Last Wednesday night - Thursday morning dream:
It was weird.
I dreamed a Christian book-writer backslided and saying that he doesnt believe in God anymore. and i was in the middle of reading his book (to be honest, i forgot to continue hehe)
and I remember telling him that he can't just back out like that, because not only is he a christian, but he's a role model as well,,
but then he responded saying that he was only a normal christian,, He has never heard God's voice before, so its not such a big deal..
that's really weird.. i'm not sure what that means..
but that day, I was reminded by the Holy Spirit to pray for the believer's faith.. so they could have a strong faith and a loving heart to God always.. even in their darkest hour, so they would not back fail in being faithful to Him...
I guess it's the test of life that really challenges our faith.
and our relationship with Him that keeps us strong through the challenges.,,

huh*

2008-04-21T00:32:00.003+10:00

feel a bit hectic lately.
It kinda seems as if the world just passes by these past few days.
fun yeah it has been. but too quick and too fully-packed in just a short time.
dont think i've been getting enough sleep, as well as spending enough time with friends..
really need to prioritize, but at the moment i just want to finish up all that i have too.

gonna be one full week as well this time..
class on thursday and a sleepover straight after that.
getaway with the fa kids on friday.
a whole day PW workshop on saturday - followed by bikin film..
sunday.. my day.. xD

Lord i just pray in the mid of all the busyness, may i still recognize and know that You're with me.. dont want to neglect You.. let me keep my relationship with You every second of the way..

the highest calling

2008-04-16T13:59:00.004+10:00

serving in a new developing church during my stay in Bangkok has given me no choice but to step out of my comfort zone and do things that not all 13-16 year olds do. I had to help with the overhead projectors, being a singer, teaching in Sunday school (tho I still needed teaching as well), playing the keyboard, doing the weekly bulletin and more other helping outs. It was really great to have those opportunities =).

The other thing that I had to do was also be a worship leader. Yeah I did started out from the small cell groups (FA) and then in the youth meetings as well, but it was a shock when one day K’ Alex says that he thinks im ready to lead the Sunday service. This was in the last month of my stay in Bangkok. In a way I was excited (since I can choose my own songs *haha I was only 16, that’s what was in my mind*), but a huge part of me new that this was a huge responsibility. Leading the congregation to worship the Lord?! I remembered I was a nervous wreck preparing that service,, I wrote every single word I planned to say.. but I actually forgot how it went. Well, let all the Glory be unto HIM alone.. I thought, that’s it. No more leading worship for me,, quite a burden :S

Then, at YCC Rumah Gue.. beginning of 2006, after the praise & worship k’sammy suddenly said in front of everyone that he thinks I’m ready to be a worship leader. Uhh, what??!! I did not plan to be one, nor plan to apply for that minister.. and suddenly they just pushed me to the edge, meaning I finally had to lead the youth service.

Why am I retelling this all? Last Sunday I went to teens service, and to make the long story short, Melissa wanted me to lead the worship with her this coming sunday *yes, in 4 more days*.

I know im not new to the whole worship leading thing, but its different when you lead the worship in FA.. everyone is on the same level as you, they long to worship the lord as well,, but leading in a service, I dun even know half of the people there. Well, I just pray that if He does want me to lead, let it please His heart and be a blessing for the teens..

The brighter side is that im just doing the praise, so the nerve wreck will just be half of it :P but, still dunno if im leading, coz I dunno if I can make the Saturday practice..

I was just preparing myself for this Sunday, and I stumbled upon a worship website written by Bob Kauflin,,
He made a really great definition of a WL, let me just quote:

“An effective corporate worship leader,
aided and led by the Holy Spirit,
skillfully combines biblical truth with music
to magnify the worth of God and
the redemptive work of Jesus Christ,
thereby motivating the gathered church
to join him in proclaiming and cherishing
the truth about God
and seeking to live all of life for the glory of God.”

Now THAT’S what I want to do =)
well, arent we all called to be His worshipper??
isnt that our HIGHEST CALLING?

pure happiness =))

2008-04-14T19:51:00.000+10:00

Guys, i just feel utterly HAPPY!!!

Beneran!! gw bener2 bisa ngerasain kebahagiaan yang kayaknya ga dibuat2..its just coming from the inside.. =))

a little update about my life lately..
sabtu: 9 to 9 prayer meeting.. doa di greja slama 12 jam *seharusnya*.. tpi gw cuman 9,8 jam laahh hehe.. 2 jam kabur buat makan n ngerjain assignment bentar.. belum pernah sih sharian doa kayak gitu.. tapi bener2 bisa ngerasain sesuatu yg berbeda.. i know prayer has its power..and mungkin slama ini gw slalu nge-limit hidup gw ke hal2 yg biasa aja, natural. But you know what, i have a supernatural GOD that enables me to have a supernatural life.. a life that's beyond what other people have.. im not talking financially,, but i just know that every step that i take, every road i need to go through, there's something supernatural guiding me through it.. =)

minggu: gw ke ibadah teens!! iyaaa.. teenager.. tau sih gw bukan teens lagi (tapi taun kemaren gw masih teenager kooo :O) and jadi agak terbeban juga nih di teens.. like what i said to my sister, i know at the teens age, that's a crucial time.. anak2 umur sgitu lagi nyari sosok orang yg mereka pengen ikutin.. gw aja inget pas gw smp dulu,, kyknya gw pgn bgt ngikutin senior2 gw,, kakak gw,, kyknya pengen banged jadi mereka.. but it's not about that.. harus udah ditanamin di hati anak2 itu, klo tujuan mrka hidup tuh bukan utk jadi popular.. they have a great mission in this life.. kemaren om Tim pun bilang klo anak2 mudah tuh sperti panah di tangan2 warrior,, they're gonna be used greatly.. and it's our job to make them realize that...

duh lagi agak2 males nulis sih blakangan.. but yeah,, all i wanna say is..i thank God for i find joy in His presence, and in His right hand, there's pleasures evermore..

Love you Lord!!

canon 450D.

2008-04-06T23:05:00.004+10:00

sekilas update,, skarang Melbourne beda 3 Jam dengan Jakarta,..
daylight saving udah selesai..and tadi malem ada tambahan 1 jam buat tidurr,, yey!

tau ga? tau ga? tau ga?
Udah beli! Udah beli! Udah beli!

hehe... akhirnya Canon 450D jadi milik gw jugaaa... aaaah unbelievable!
ternyata sejak hari selasa 450D udah masuk di aussie, and gw juga udah tanya & minta pendapat anak2 gitu sejak minggu lalu..
and kemaren gw udah mantepin mau beli yg Twin Lens kit..
gw kira gw bakal beli d camera house, secara mereka nawarin 3 year warranty & $200 printing voucher for $1550..
tpi tadi gw akhirnya ke JB HiFi, and mereka ga mau kalah juga sihh,, gw ksitau mereka klo CH nawarin segitu,, and setelah 5 menit mondar mandir sendiri, orangnya kasih gw deal $1545 dengan tambahan 3 year warranty, lowerpro bag, 4Gb memory disk, 2 lens filter and a cleaning cloth. I dunno if CH will give a better deal semisalnya gw bilang JB HiFi kasih segitu, but i think i got a good deal.. i think =)) hope so..

Belum sempet banyak nyoba2 sih,, tadi baru sejam doank baca2 manual dll,, udah janji sih ma diri ndiri bakal nyelesain smua tugas2 kuliah, and bis itu baru boleh foto sepuas2nyaa!! x)
pengen beli tripod,, but then again,, belum butuh2 banged juga.. nitip beli di indo aja kali yaa..

ahh senangnya,, tapi ga sesenang yg gw kira sih.. i thought i would be much more happier when i bought that..
well,, i guess expensive stuff just doesnt give the real happiness,, cieee... duh paan sih..

masih aga dagdigdug nih ama semua tugas2 kuliah yg kayaknya masih menghantui gw..

duh Tuhan,,, need Ur help, Ur strength,, bener2 ngerasa ga sanggup nih..

meditate His kindness.

2008-04-04T22:29:00.000+11:00

“Ingatlah perbuatan-perbuatan ajaib yang dilakukan-Nya, mujizat-mujizat-Nya dan penghukuman-penghukuman yang diucapkan-Nya” 1 taw 16:12
And kalau di bahasa inggris,
“Study GOD and his strength, seek his presence day and night;
Remember all the wonders he performed, the miracles and judgments that came out of his mouth.”

Ini bukan pertama kalinya gw denger nih ayat, tapi sekali lagi gw bener2 diinget utk slalu ingat smua kebaikanNya. Yes. All of them. Its something that seems so cliché and easy for us to do, but actually its not. Do I remember all His goodness that He has given me last month? What about last year, what miracles has He done? Or lets say 5 years ago. Apa iya gw masih ingat semuanya.
Gw rasa ngga. Dan gw baru nyadar setiap kali gw ngalamin masalah, gw bisa down banget and skarang gw tau kenapa. I don’t think I actually remember what He has done in my life in the past.
Nah coba, if for instance I remember all that lows and highs that I’ve been through, and I’ve managed to go through the lows because of Him, seandainya ada masalah lagi, why cant I just believe that He’ll bring me up again just like always. Ya kan?
Why do I have to doubt Him, knowing that in the passed He has never for once neglected me. Maybe I have felt that He has, but afterwards I knew that He was just on his way to pick me up again.

Now, I guess it really is time to remember all his goodness (from the small ones to the major ones)
- was late to work today. Was really worried that the bus will come late as well. But guess what, I was late, but I was early compared to the others. So yeah, He didn’t let me down.
- Free magazines? Yupp,, got’em for free :D thanx to quynh,, got aroung 15 mags for free.. who & shop till you drop!! xP
- Water bills! Dunno why, but it turns out I haven’t paid the water bills for 1 year!! We just found out last week!! But it’s so weird how in their system, it just shows that we only needed to pay $26.00!!! that’s unbelievable!! Totally unbelievable.. I guess God knows that we just don’t have the budget now :P
- Coco.. I had my hopes down on Him.. but he’s healed now!! Thanks God.. but we should’ve known that He will. Coz coco did swallow one whole mango, and somehow a couple of months later he vomited them out (just before we were gonna bring him to the vet for the 2nd time).. and meeco!! The doctors had no hope for him.. but after the operation it turns out he could see,, both eyes!! God has done wonderful stuff in our lovely dogs =D
- Dad,, what else could I say,, yes his cholesterol was high,, but the test showed more than that.. we thought he had to get an operation,, and he was supposed to I guess. But so ironically after his last consultation with the doctor, they said that he just needed to change his diet.. that’s surprisingly weird. Happy tho!
- Apartment?! Yes!! He provided us the best one at the best time.. after all the worries that we had, he actually gave us a brand new apartment close to to the station and still in the city =))
That’s just a lil bit of here and there..from this year only,, the list could go on and on and on if I talked about the past year..

Well for me personally.. it’s a miracle when God send people in my life when I needed encouragements,, yes I was down a couple of weeks ago, and now I have my hopes high again.. I really thank Him for the strength and all..
My health,, oohh I really thought I needed to get operation for the double vision sight I was having,, but interestingly, when I didn’t worry that much, He healed my vision and I totally forgot that I had spend one-week with double vision =))
My school,, I guess he has been providing me with the best one for me all along.. I did my first year in Jkt, which saved me about $4,000 in school fees and not to mention the living cost in melb,, so that’s save around $10,000 more.. and I had no trouble transferring it all and It didn’t waste any of my time.. so I knew He interfere with that .. and what about when I moved to SMA 8,, never thought I was gonna go there, it was just out of my league,, but somehow it went really smoothly..

okay,.,, its gonna be forever for me to talk about His goodness.. the fact is He has been good. He has always been, whether i realized it or not..
but just need to remind myself of this every single day..
and what ever happens, i know im walking closer to His promise, rite? Amen!
just feel so blessed at the moment,, i just hope i'll remember this every minute of the day.

featured friends.

2008-04-04T14:18:00.004+11:00

you know those featured friends features in friendster right?
i hope you do x)
yeah well, i know most of you would not bother in changing them, but im the person that does change them and put my top 6 people there. *yeah you lucky six gals =))
it would be great to know that you're someone's featured friends. my 2 closest friends put me as theirs, the others just dont use the feature. so i cant blame them =)

Well, a couple of months ago, i was put as one of the featured friends for 3 different guys (yes, that's becoz they had feelings for me). It was really odd, cause i felt that i didnt know them that much, and they dont even know me that much as well (except for one of them, since i knew him eight years ago). But yeah, it was weird to be put as their featured friends.. really honoured,, but weird.
and i knew that they put me there deliberately, not because of the automatic featured friends by friendster (cause you could see from the updates that they changed the featured friends).
As some of you may know, i pulled myself away from those guys, since that was the only thing i could do *got no feelings for 'em, man!* and eventually, one by one, they erased me from their featured friend. It had to happen someday, and that day had come. It was suprisingly a bit sad actually.. weird huh? haha

one guy put me out of his featured friends this feb. it was weird when i saw his profile page. I knew that it was bound to happen, but still, it felt weird. sad in a way, knowing that i wasnt his featured friend anymore.

the second guy changed his featured friend last month. i was shocked as well when i didnt see my pic there anymore, cause my picture just strikes out in his featured friends. I was the odd one out there (dunt ask why, it'll be too obvious). I knew i didnt like this guy, but its sad knowing that he's moved on as well =) im just being selfish i know.

The third guy updated his just yesterday. yes! he was in the updated friends bit, and it was written that he updated his featured friends. he used to have only 5 friends put up, with me being the only girl. so i got curious when FS said that he updated his. It turns out i was replaced *again* hehe. my name wasn't there anymore. But i guessed i knew it'll happen. It was obvious to him that i had no feelings, and yeah its time for him to forget me.
*then why do i feel sad.. again?

man, what's with girls? whats with me?!
im totally being so selfish. i had not liked those guys, yet i feel sad when they have moved on to forget me. i should be happy, right?
well i am,, the fact that i dont have to reply to their messages anymore..
but i guess it's always nice knowing that someone out there really admires you.

i just hope that i also admire the next guy who admires me. =)
and then I will be put as his featured friends. the only one ;) hehe

enuff.

2008-04-01T10:22:00.002+11:00

again and again, a new dream/plan just comes up.
Ntah udah berapa ribu impian yang muncul di pikiran gw, tpi kenapa hanya selalu menjadi impian saja. Why cant it be a reality?
am i just a thinkier? talker? that i cant be a do-er??
talk the talk, walk the walk, they say.
but what about walking the talk?

that's it! cape deh nunda-nunda mulu.
let this blog be the witness.
my plan: (and im sure im gonna keep on adding this)

- driving lessons (semester 2 ini)
- dancing & singing lessons (research, research, research)
- buy 450D (next month!!)
- buy the tripod (next week?)
- photo hunting!! experimenting with the old camera first!!
- sell old books!! studentvip.com!
- lounge/cafe plan. (do it with/out friends.. still haf my sisters!)
- TARA 3! (ayo, tar next year yaaa)

just dont want time to pass by without me achieving anything.
i know some things are out of my control, and we could say that it wasnt God's will for us to do those undone things. but its a different story now.
what if God actually allowed me to do those stuff, but i was just too passive. I cant blame Him in the end right?
right.

reflection.

2008-03-27T11:16:00.000+11:00

Reading back my blog, I realize I haven’t surrendered to Him.
Forgive me Lord, I take back my words.
I’m putting my trust in You, every single bit of it.
I’ve given over the authority to You, for You to do as You will.
No more complaining, no more doubting.
For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him? Surely not me, I say.
I’ve prayed to You, I’ve pleaded to You.
I’ve done my part, and will keep on doing it. Keeping my relationship with You.
Now do Your part Lord. Show your power and might.
For what is impossible for you O Lord?
I’ve surrendered to you. No more worrying, but rather believing.
Believe that You are still doing great things.
That Your power has not changed from the past until now.
All the miracles You’ve done for me, why would I have any reason to doubt You now? Certainly not.
Empower me with Your spirit, that I may fully trust you.
.
I believe in Your power. I trust my self, my life, my beloved ones into Your mighty hands.
And I know, in the end I will say, “Yes! You are the faithful and true one! Thank You Lord!”

masih begini saja.

2008-03-27T00:18:00.002+11:00

Udah dua malem Coco di rawat inap.
tadi siang Grace, B.rido n mama pergi jengukin dia.
kabar baiknya jantung Coco udah agak normal kdengarannya, and coco udah aga ceria walopun sedikit banged.
sedihnya coco ga kuat berdiri =( duh pengen nangis nulis ini.
dia terlentang mulu,, and kencing aja sambil tiduran. sedih banget.
Coco yang selalu hyperaktif, caper, rakus, skarang tiba2 jadi lemes, ga mau makan and lemah.
Sedih. mungkin ak bakal nangis2an seandainya saat ini juga aku ada di jakarta.

tadi pas ada waktu selang dikantor, aku cari informasi ttg kelainan jantung dll di golden retriever. Aku nemu satu penyakit yang symptomsnya ada di coco semua, tapi penyakit itu gak ada obatnya, and biasanya umur anjingnya cuman bertahan beberapa bulan doank setelah didiagnosa.
but i have faith that Coco doesnt have that!
deep down, aku yakin ini belum waktunya Coco pergi. aku percaya dia bakal sehat lagi,and pas aku balik k indo, aku bakal ketemu dia dengan keadaannya yg lebih dari sehat.

Jujur, ga fair aja klo misalnya coco beneran sakit itu. Anjing2 golden lain pun umurnya sampe 14 tahun. Coco aja baru 4 tahun tanggal 1 mei nanti.

harus kuat nih. buat Coco and buat semuanya. ga tega ngebayangin dia dirawat dgn orang2 yg asing =((. Tadi aku telpon grace, dia yg udah nangis2 gitu.
jadi inget pas Mico di mau di operasi dulu. dokter bilang dia udah ga bakal bisa liat lagi. tengah malem aku nangis2 spanjang jalan, padahal baru beli mico sebulan lebih. Apalagi klo Coco, yg 2 tahun pertama aku bareng dia mulu, aku yg urusin makanan dllnya. Sedih banget nih aku.
tapi dulu aja dokter2 pada salah pendapat ttg miko, akhirnya dia bisa lihat. smoga yg sama terjadi skarang.
Gak ada yg mustahil nih, Coco pasti sembuh! HARUS!

aneh, n ironis skali knapa manusia bisa jadi selekat itu sama binatang.
tapi anjing emang yg paling setia. ga pantas Coco sakit gini.

LOVE YOU MY COCO..

Sad news!!

2008-03-25T15:46:00.004+11:00

Barusan dapet email dari Grace.
Dia bilang Coco dirawat inap!!! katanya coco turun 9 Kg trus kemaren di x-ray, katanya ada pembengkakan di jantungnya!! trus coco jadi susah nafas gitu.. Hah??!!!

duhh,, ada apa nihh.. jadi sedih, tpi ga mungkin dikantor nangis.

kata Dr jaganya, coco udah bisa nafas mending, tpi masih ga mau makan..
aduhh sedih banged!!
padahal tgl 1 mei coco bkal ultah yg ke-4.. dia kn masih muda...
duhh Tuhan,, we need ur miracle.. just like what u did to Mico.

knapa pas gw lagi di aussie.. duhh,, i love coco so much..dia anjing yg lucu banged,, n slalu bkin gw ketawa deeh!! :(
kamu sehat lagi donk, co!!! ayoo!! i wanna see you up and healthy pas aku balik k jakarta desember nanti.. yahh?!!! =)

dari dulu sampai sekarang

2008-03-25T15:07:00.003+11:00

kamu selalu berhasil membuat lebih cepat detakan jantungku dan juga kacau pikiranku.

Daddy's Bufday.

2008-03-24T23:04:00.010+11:00

Happy Bufday, daddy!

Hari ni papa brumur 53 taun!! waaaaa. aga tua juga yaaaa.. xp

lagi2 ak ga bisa ngerayain ultah papa, scara beda negara gituu.

tp tadi pagi udah ditelponin gituu sii...

huuu, kgn papa!!

kayaknya dgn berjalannya waktu, ak jd lebi deket aja sih ma papa.

meski dlu kykna ak takut bgt n jarang bgt ngobrol dll, but i know that he loves me so much.

Keliatan banged dari sikapnya yg suka ngelarang2 gw, tpi skalinya ak tuh ngeyel n maksa, akhirnya bkal dikasihin jugaa... bokap tuh tipe org yg dari luar kyknya ganas n gahar banged, tp dalemnya tuh dy org yg bener2 ga tegaan. =) (jdi inget pas dlu bkap mo ngadopsi anak orang, kliatan bgt deh sisi lembutna) org2 yg kerja buat bokap pd blg gtu jugaa sii..

psti yg smakin kenal bokap rasa takutnya smakin berkurang (walopun skalinya marah, bener2 menakutkan skali deee. smua kata2 yg keluar tuh paraaaah. jgn coba2 de bkin bkp marah), tpi stngah jam kemudian pasti lsg diajak becanda lagiii..

gw jg slalu dimanjain ma bokap (bukan gw doank, tpi smua anak2na dee), n panggilan khasnya buat gw "Yang-ku".. hehe my dad banged.

trus truss.. bokap tuh orangnya sarcastic jugaaaa. (kyknya gw dapet sarcasme gw dari bokap deeh hehe), klo becanda juga ga kira2..haaa kangen!!

gw bener2 'look up to' my dad dee!

i know he's not perfect [ n mungkin i haf hated him once or twice :P], but he's the greatest dad i could haf!!

hmm. ga pernah mo ngecewain dy =)).

My prayers for him, to excel in everything that he does, smakin dket sma Tuhan, posting yg terbaik, sehat - panjang umur, and become a better husband n dad! Amin.

Love 'n miss you so, Dad.

+ ur youngest.

A victor i am.

2008-03-23T00:53:00.000+11:00

Happy Passover, Everybodeee!
Met Paskah yaaa.

It's been quite a long weekend.
quick flash back.

Friday: All day long at Hawthorn Town Hall, preparing for the passover service we had that evening. It was great. Loved the drama "The Greatest Love".
Just a summary about the drama, it's a story of a guy who killed a person. Automatically, he was sentenced for death, since that was the just and fair thing. But on the last breath, the murdered boy told his dad to forgive the murderer. And ironically, the Dad was the judge. Hard as it would be, in the end he let go of all charges that was put against the murderer. The murderer was left unpunished, given the gift of life. The dad who was also the judge knew that his son's death would be meaningless if the murderer was still punished, then he wouldnt know what was the gift of life, second chance of life.
Intinya, sama halnya dgn kita yg udah ditebus dgn darah Yesus. Dia yg gak seharusnya disiksa n dibunuh, malah rela mati supaya kita bisa bebas, and gak perlu ngebayar semua hukuman2 itu lagi. Gak pantas banged ya kita?
Sabtu: All day road trip. Great ocean road. Dari jam 7 Pagi sampe jam 12 Malem. capee banged.
Minggu: Paskah.
Duh, suara gw udah habis sejak hari jumat. Cant sing, cant talk that well either.
Padahal pas kebaktian pgn bgt nyanyi & teriak sperti biasanyaaa (semangat sperti biasanyaa), tpi hari ini harus gw tahan smua ituu hehe..
kotbah hari ini bener2 luar biasa sih. Ps Daniel emang bener2 dipake Tuhan luar biasa banged. smua pewahyuan2 itu tuh.. awesome deh.
He preached about when Jesus died and rose again on the 3rd day, it means that He defeated sin and death. and pas kita percaya & terima Dia sbagai Tuhan, it means that we have also been united with Christ in defeating sin and death as well. Which means that death has no power again against us.
Yes, we will have to face death some how, but we should have no fear against it anymore.
Yes, sin will always be in front of us, tempting us, but now we have the power to overcome sin. That's because sin shall have no dominion over us. and that's what Grace is.
We commit sin because we are sinners, not the other way around.
The awesome thing is that we dont and cant do anything to change that. That's God's part. He has taken the dominion and freed us from sin. He's done that job for us.
Now its our step to just believe.
Believe that we are victors, not victim.
God has faith in us to overcome sin and not be trapped by all its lies.
So if God believes in us, why dont we believe in ourself?
Believe in His promise as well that says sin has no dominion over us.

That sermon just opened my eyes.
It makes me see God in another perspective. As a loving God, who doesnt demand or threatens us, but supports and encourages us in what we do. Because He knows the difficulties that we are going through, and He cares a lot. He did the hard part for us, now He just wants us to accept that grace.

btw, just watched Narnia before whilst eating dinner.
Pas banget, pas lagi paskah gitu.
So sad pas liat singanya mo nyerahin diri buat dibunuh, padahal yg seharusnya dibunuh kan si Edmund. hmm,, it's just so unfair when you see it. The one that's deserved to be punished malah di let go tanpa harus bayar apapun.
ak slalu liat dari sudut pandang luar gitu. ga pernah ak liat diri ak sbagai si Edmund, yang seharusnya dipunish, malah bisa bebas gitu.
but that's what we are.. When Jesus was crucified 2000 years ago, we were set free. and udah ga ada lagi yang harus kita bayar. sudah lunas smuanya.

so undescribable, awesome.

so underserved i am.

pilihan.

2008-03-20T07:09:00.005+11:00

i had a chat with someone in the past last night.
believe me, it's the saddest chat i've ever had.

after all these times, there were questions i wanted to be answered. and somehow, some of them were answered last night.

it's really sad how someone you've given your heart to is now married.
but it's more devastating to actually hear that person say that s/he would be much more happier than now if s/he was married to you.

so what happens now?
nothing, basically.

sebenarnya td mlm perasaan gw tuh campur aduk.
secara emang udah beberapa tahun yang lalu, jadi mungkin perasaannya udah ga sekuat dulu lagi. tpi disisi lain, smua perasaan itu blum gw kasih ke orang lain, jadi mau ga mau emang belum tergantikan.

gw aja gatau skarang gw lg ngerasa gmn..
kayaknya gw udah gak bisa ngerasain apa2 lagi (from everything that i've been through, naik turunya smua ud gw rasain yaa)
emang bener kata dani, kykna brp taun ini gw agak mati rasa..
dibilang sedih bgt juga ngga, seneng ya ga banget, benci aga2, nyesel juga aga2,,

mati rasa.. mgkn aja yaa.. secara selama ini gw slalu menutup hati n diri,,
gw ga mau disakitin ato dikecewain lagi,, mgkin emang bener gw bkin tembok disekeliling gw spaya ga ada yg bisa ngambil hati gw n diperlakuin seenaknya..
maybe.. could be..

tpi klo diliat dari sudut pandang gw, ya gmana gw ga kayak gitu..
ni baru hubungan gw yg pertama & satu2nya.. yg pertama aja kayak gini.. komplikasi banged.. ga sewajarnya orang ngalamin kayak gini.. (tlg yaa,, gw ga punya temen yg punya pngalaman yg sama..) kdng2 gw mikir klo sbnernya gw lagi ada didalam sbuah film, n gw lagi menunggu happy ending yg tak kunjung datang.

uhh.

klo dipikir2 lebih dalam, it's all out of my control.
emang udah jalannya seperti ini. klo gw bisa punya jalan cerita cinta yg kayaknya abnormal banget, berarti emang ga kebetulan.
apa iya, seandainya ini semua tidak terjadi and kita dulu bertahan sampe akhirnya, mungkinkah gw gak bakal bahagia? mungkinkah byk banget perbedaan yg emang harus disatuin, and mungkin gw gak bakal sanggup & kuat utk ngejalanin itu? mungkinkah gw bakal tersiksa, karena ternyata pas menikah, gw tetap diduain?
mungkinkah semua yg gw lewatin ini tuh ga ada bandingannya dengan masalah2yg mungkin ada kalau gw emang nikah ma dy?

seandainya gw bisa tau semua jawaban, dan bisa memilih jalan hidup yg paling baik, setidaknya gw ga bakal ada rasa penyesalan ataupun penasaran seperti skarang ini.

*sigh*

his search is over. mine has just begun.

dari pengalaman ini gw tambah yakin lagi klo selama ini gw ga salah mempunyai persyaratan dlm memilih cowo. emang byk banget yg harus dipertimbangkan (masa lalu - sekarang).
dan seperti yg gw bilang, pasangan hidup itu bukan jodoh. tapi sebuah pilihan.
siapa yg memilih? ya gw tentunya.
that's why gw bener2 ga mau milih yg salah dan menyesal seumur hidup.

wish me luck in choosing for my future ;)

dudul

2008-03-19T14:43:00.001+11:00

lg research mobile phones buat kakak tercinta..
pas gw baca reviewnya iphone, i cant help myself to laugh my head off.. hahaha

baca deh.. nih dari users review buat iPhone... and iPhone tuh lama banget launching nya di aussie.. ampe awal tahun pun belum.. parah.. nih:

apple sux:
"i think its disgraceful that Australia has to wait that long to even legally SEE an iphone. Why does america get it earlier?? Prejudice?? Well the fact that they dont put AUstralian customers first has turned me off buying it... no matter how good it is"

ejelt1012:
"You idiot apple is an america brand of course they would get it first,"

hahahaha dasar be-o

asli gw tahan ketawa di kantor.. =D

yes, it is.

2008-03-18T14:58:00.001+11:00

sakit. susah.
tapi memang itu yg terbaik dan yg benar.

dont u realize it?!

strength - patience

2008-03-17T16:22:00.002+11:00

"So they would be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience" Colossians 1:11

it's weird how they put strengthened, endurance and patience into one sentence that does not contradict at all, instead it confirms and affirms one to the other.
John Piper wrote in his book how patience is the evidence of inner strength. Why? well he gace an example how weak people depend on external supports - like schedules that go just right, circumstances that only supports their fragile hearts. But if they criticise those 'culprits' who ruins their plans, maybe it does not sound weak, but they're actually a camouflage of weakness. Patience demands tremendous inner strength.

How cool is that?
it actually links to Ps Daniel Prayogo's sermon yesterday. He was talking about rejoicing and giving thanks as well.
Those above who criticises and dont give thanks, well they're weak rite?
Which means to actually be able to rejoice is strong, and we need strength.

But its not any strength. Not physical strength, but strength that comes from God. That's why in the earlier verse Paul meant that the strength of patience is according to God's glorious might. overall, we need faith to gain that.
That's because patience is the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit only empowers through Hearing with faith (Galatians 3:55). Therefore we need faith to connect us with the "glorious might" that empowers patience.

okay, that's deep.
i'm going to have to meditate on this for a while, then i'll let you guys know how it all applies in my life. =))

josie metal frame

2008-03-16T16:52:00.003+11:00

Man, another boiling day in Melbourne.
Trust me, jakarta kayaknya ga pernah sepanas ini deh.
tadi bis gereja, nemenin mama benerin glasses. Orangnya awal sih bilang cuman 15 menit, eh 10 menit berlalu dia malah nyuruh kita jalan2 ke city dulu n bis itu balik lagii.. haha sok sih, kirain bakal cepet, tnyata agak susah jugaa..
niweis, gw tinggalin mama d OPSM, secara kasihan klo dia ikut gw pergi2.. gw jalan kaki gitu..
tujuan awal gw sih cuman utk beli USB Hub doank, n beli di chinatown. Akhirnya dapet $15, yah mayan sih,, males jg klo compare2 harga di hari yg panas nyengat kyk ni hari.
tujuan kedua gw ke Witchery!
kemaren sore gw udah kesitu, eh malah tutup. yawis, hari ini tekad utk membeli.
udah sejak 3-4 minggu yg lalu gw ke witchery, awalnya ama k'hedy and kedua kalinya sama Nana. Gw taksir berat ama satu kacamata. Warnanya emas, bentuknya kotak, en ujungnya ada warna pink2 gitu.
yg digambar sih warnanya silver, yg gw pengen emas.
pas itu gw rada reluctant utk beli, coz lagi males aja shopping2. tp emang udah gw save product codenya supaya nanti gampang dicari.
yaudah, di lil Collins gw cari, gak ada.
trus sorenya gw lanjut ke Melb-Cent, eh tetep gak ada. trus gw suruh orangnya cari tau masih ada di toko mana. Tuh mba2 udah telpon 3 toko, en pada ga ada semua, anehnya di sistemnya tuh tulisnya masih adaa..
duhh nyesek deh.
kenapa pas itu gw ga langsung beli aja. padahal smua orang pd bilang gw cocok gitu ma itu kcamata =((
trus mbana suruh gw cari di websitenya. baru aja gw cari eh ternyata udah ga ada, en itu baru2 ini doank.
nyesel deh. pas itu masih ada 4 itemnya jadi yah gw tenang2 aja. eh skarang malah totally gone!!!
ahhh mauuuu!!!
klo ada yg liat kacamata ini warna emas, beliin gw yaaa!!

lagi sedhi nih.

mendam

2008-03-14T13:34:00.005+11:00

tnyata gw bukan tipe orang yg gampang ngutarain apa yg ada di kepala gw.
gw malah yg lebih gampang diem, padahal di pikiran gw tuh byk banged yg pengen gw keluarin. baru tdi mlm ada kejadian yg bkin gw sadar.

so gini. td mlm ada file gw yg hilang. itu file penting banged (kantor gw ngebiayain gw skolah financial planning, dikasih file tebal + bbrp lembar kertas pink.. 2-2 ini pentingg banged. titik) , n gw taruh didepan komputer. tapi pas siang hari dani tuh beres2in kamar secara emang kamar berantakan. eh tiba2 ketemu file tebal itu. ya su, tenang hati gw. eh pas gw buka, tnyata kertas2 yg pink itu ga ada. awal2nya gw gak panik, tpi pas dani bilang dia ga liat, yah gw mulai panik. asli hampir sejam kita cari2, gw yg udah panik berat. masalahnya tuh kertas harus gw kirim ke sydney, n ga mungkin gw seenaknya bilang hilang secara ini program dibayarin kantor and due-datenya tuh minggu depan. mana dani bilang siangnya dia buang barang2, tpi dia yakin ga liat kertas2 pink. gila deh, gw ga bisa mikir. rasanya pengen marah n teriakin dy, tpi disisi lagi gw ga bisa aja. gw hampir nangis juga. serba ga enak klo emang beneran hilang. yah akhirnya gw pendam aja tuh smuaa yg tadinya mo marah2 dll. gak ngenakin deh
tpi endingnya tuh kertas ketemu kok. =)

eniweis,, my point is, disaat2 gw pengen marah2 k kk gw, reflek gw tuh diem. gw coba utk mo ngomong sesuatu tpi tetep aja ga bisa. smuanya pada tau klo gw yg kesel banged gitu, coz pada bilang keliatan dari tampang gw. tpi beneran gw ga bisa ngeluarin pikiran2 gw itu kdalam kata2. rasanya every emotions was filled in my heart. sesak sih jujur. gak tau ya gw kenapa.

klo liat dari sisi positifnya, akhirnya tu kertas ketemu juga. klo gw udah terlanjut marah2 gak jelas, yah nyesel n malu juga kan gw.

kangen

2008-03-11T12:37:00.003+11:00

kangen.

bukannya gw lagi kangen ama seseorang, tpi gw barusan dapet message dari temen yg bilang dia kangen banged ama gw.
hah. kangen?
pdahal dibilang deket yah, lumayan lah.. yg pasti ga selengket perangko ama amplop.
kata2nya itu loh yg bkin gw jdi mikir.

yeah, i've moved around countries every now and then, and automatically i move far away from my friends. so every once in a while, it would not be weird when i receive an email, sms, phonecall, or even a comment from friendster saying that they miss me so much.

the question is, do they?

or has 'kangen/miss' become a jargon that people just say, even though they dont mean it.

yah jujur, sering kali gw juga bilang gitu k temen gw, padahal gw ga deket ma mereka n ga tlalu kangen jugaa.
tpi spertinya kebiasaan ini bakal susah buat dihilangin, secara bakal ada yg janggal klo ga ngomong kangen.

mis:
"ehh ngumpul2 yoook.... kangenn nihh! udah lama ga ktmu...!!"
"ehh ngumpul2 yoook... dah lama nih..!"

kyknya klo yg kedua agak aneh ajaa, ga ada kata2 kangennyaa..

mungkin emang tuh kata lama2 ga ada maknanya kalii yaa...
yaa gw ga bisa nge-judge mereka beneran kangen ama gw ato ga, tpi im sure they dont think of me before they go to sleep thinking that they miss me, right?
ga segitunya la yaaaaa..

*duh ko gw jadi rada2 sinis begniii :P

hmp

2008-03-10T12:36:00.000+11:00

with a mom like mom, no wonder i grew up to be a listener.

RAN DUNK atau REN DANK??

2008-03-05T12:39:00.009+11:00

Seminggu yang lalu, mumpung Dani masih di ibukota tercinta, gw kirim dia sms berkali-kali yang isinya titipan semua. Trus pas lagi dengerin lagunya RAN, yah otomatis gw ke-inget untuk suruh dani beliin albumnya buat gw. Yah ud, gw kirim sms lagi;
“Dan, jg tlg beliin cd albumnya ran dunk,, tengkyuuu”
Trus dibales sama dani
“penyanyi r n b?”
Gw mikir dlm hati, perasaan RAN tuh gak r&b banget, malah lebih ke pop. Tpi emang lagu yg pandangan pertama kan ada rapnya sedikit. Yah boleh lah dibilang r’n’b..
Yawes, gw bales lagi “Iyaa bener”

Okeh. Case close. Gw pikir smua titip2an gw udah beres lahh,,
Nah kemaren nyokap n dani tiba di Melbourne.secara gw kerja trus harus ketemu agent tandatangan kontrak, gw baru smpet ketemunya jm 7mlm gituu..
>> senengnya ada nyokaap.. kamar jadi diberes2in gituu hehe.. kangen ada mereka.. jdi rame =)) huu setelah hmpir 2 bulan sndirii..
Ya wis,,trus btw, gw kn juga mo pindah apartment, jd yah tiap sore-malem kita sibuk packing2 dunk.. nah tadi mlm wlopun dani & nykap baru dateng, mrk ud langsung bantu2 packing gitu..
Tiba2 gilirannya membuka koper bawaan dani & nyokap, yg berisi titipan2 gw..
Dani langsung ngeluarin CD satu tumpukan gitu (ada CDnya fergie, TW, Sidney dll byk dehh lagian di Aussie smuanya mahaaal cape deh!)
Nah,,bis tu gw langsung menanyakan album RAN (soalnya lg ngebet dengerin hehe)
Kira2 conversationnya berjalan seperti ini:

“Dan, cd RANnya mana dan?”
“Gak ada de, mereka ga punya.”
“Hahh??!!! Masa sihhh??!! Seharusnya ada,, kn dijual dimana2”
“ak udah k pelangi, PS, sensi, disc tarra, semuanya ga ada dee.”
“ihhhh.. masa sih?? Ga mungkin banget “ << gw ga terima gitu..
“Beneran,, ampe di check di computer,, mba2 & mas2nya aja sampe nanya, ‘tulisannya gimana? Digabung atau disambung? Pada ga adaa..”

Gw mulai ga ngerti.. apanya disambung? Perasaan cuman satu kata doank.. trus RAN kn lagi booming,, masa mas2nya ga ngerti cara ejaan RAN..
“Digabung atau disambung gmana, dan? Kan cuman satu kata doank… RAN”
“Hah??? RAN?? Bukannya kamu bilang RAN DUNK??”
“ngggaaaa!!!!! RAN doankkk..”
“di sms kamu tulisnya RAN DUNK”
“Ga kali,, aku kan nitip… tlg beliin CDnya RAN dunkkk!! dunk itu maksudnya dongg! Masa ga ngerti sihhh? Lagian km balesnya penyanyi r’n’b bukan? Kesannya kyk kmu ngerti gitu..”
“lohh.. yahh ak kira itu penyanyi r’n’b baru namanya RAN DUNK (baca: ren dank).. kaya ‘slam dunk’ gituuu…”

BWAHAHAHAHAHA gilaaaaaaaaa.. kocak abiss!! rendang kaliii... Misunderstanding yg totally berlebihan.. duh,, sms sms,, ckck.. para jg yak..
Gilaa…berapa menit kt ketawa2 gituuu tuh..
Tpi nyesek laaa,, jadi gak dibawain CDnya RAN.. huuuu

Duhhh kakak gw yg satu ituu.. ada2 ajaaa… *cengir*

young love

2008-03-03T00:09:00.010+11:00

"Dirimu adalah dewiku
Dapatkah cinta ini
Bersemi diantara kita berdua"

"Kurasa ku t'lah jatuh cinta
Pada pandangan yang pertama
Sulit bagiku untuk bisa
Berhenti mengagumi dirinya"

dua bait ini gw ambil dari lagunya RAN - hanya untukMu & Pandangan pertama (klo ini syapa sih yg gak tau?).
gak lama gw denger lagunya RAN, and jujur smua lagunya tuh bukannya cuman catchy n easy listening, tapi bener2 bikin suasana hati jadi enak aja.
beda dengan gaya lagu2 yg skarang ada, Lagu mereka ngebawa gw kesaat2 gw masih SMP/A, dimana cinta tuh berasa kayak sesuatu yang fun, sempurna, yet easy.
mungkin karena rhythm lagu mereka yg rada up-beat juga, ditambah lirik2 lagu mereka yang sungguh gampang ajaa. jalan cerita yang simple and bener2 ABG banget.
mungkin kedengarannya corny banget, but i really do miss those fun type of stories.
bukan lagu yang ceritanya problema mulu. bukan tentang pihak ketiga. bukan tentang perbedaan. bukan tentang patah hati. bukan cinta yang ribet and susah. ataupun ttg nafsu & birahi.
tapi lagu2 mereka emang tentang cinta yang tulus, yang dirasakan oleh orang-orang yg spertinya belum pernah mengalami yg namanya patah hati =).
Gw bisa banget membayangkan lagu-lagu RAN menjadi soundtrack gw disaat gw masih smp ataupun sma. but kalau untuk skarang, rada susah aja untuk bisa bener2 percaya sama lirik2 lagu mereka.
That's why i really love their songs. It just let me deny who i am for a while and take me back to a time where i thought love would be simple and fun.

sungguh, gw kangen ama saat2 itu.
gw kangen ama diri gw yg bisa melihat cinta dari perspektif yang naif itu.
perspektif yang memandang cinta tuh sebenarnya gampang.
tpi mungkin smua kejadian2 yg tjadi udah ngebentuk gw jadi orang yg berbeda.
cynical, maybe? tougher, maybe?

i miss my old me.

*ko kesannya gw udah tua gni yaa? >>saat2 smp/sma?? haha*

ketik ketik ketik.

2008-02-29T09:44:00.005+11:00

sejak kelas 3 SD, gw udah diajarin cara mengetik yg bener & cepat. well, cepat nggak juga sih, tapi yang benar, tanpa harus melihat keyboardnya.
Gw inget banget itu pas pelajarannya Mr Sellars. Jadi mata kita harus tetap ngeliat monitor, jari tangan kiri kita di huruf A-S-D-F, sebelah kanan di J-K-L-; and kedua jempol ditaruh di space-bar. Seinget gw, dulu gw senang banget setiap kali ada activity, cause gw ngerasa gw selalu bisa ngetik benar tanpa harus melihat keyboard and dalam waktu yg lumayan cepat.
Well although pas gw SD gw gak pernah terlalu interested dengan yg namanya komputer (walopun gw demen banget bikin presentation ttg diri gw sendiri di powerpoint! how lame is that! lol), tpi mengetik is just one of my strengths as well i guess.
I remember a lot of people saying that i do type well, and setiap kali gw di bilang gitu, gw langsung inget Mr Sellars loh.. haha

aniways,, i stumbled upon a new blogger friend's blog. and ada test typing gitu. Yah secara gw lumayan tertarik, i did the test.
hasil testnya tuh ternyata gw bisa nulis 61 kata dalam 1 menit. which is not bad, rite? ga bagus banget tpi juga ga jelek sih.. ternyata gw salah ketik 3 kata.. huh..

bagi yg mo nyoba:
Type Speed Test

well just try it. and dunt forget to tell me how much you got! hehe

google me?

2008-02-28T01:23:00.003+11:00

Pernah ga sih kalian meng'google' diri sendiri??
haha ga tau gw yg kurang kerjaan ato gmana, tpi gw pernah beberapa kali.
Sebenernya iseng aja sih, pengen tau se'terkenal apakah gw di dunia maya ini. aiihh, terkenal..
pdhalnya rasanya gw aja sih yg meninggalkan jejak dimana-mana.

okay. tadi gw barusan menggoogle nama gw sendiri (read: gw k www.google.com, and search nama gw sendiri -->dewi tobing) alhasil, web pertama yg keluar tuh friendster profile gw sendiri. hahaha. trus yg kedua tuh blog gw ini. hmm bangga jugaa ai aiihh.. pdhaal syapa coba yg mo search nama gw (mungkin para stalker gw kah? iiih seremnyaa).

well anyways, beberapa bulan yg lalu gw juga sempet sih menggoogle diri gw juga, tpi gw baru tau klo ada 3 orang lainnya yg memakai nama 'Dewi Tobing' juga. pertama, ada ce abg yg tinggal dibandung, ke2 ada wanita yg kerja di KBRI Buenos Aires, n terakhir tuh ada cewe bernama Dewi yg nikah ama cowo Tobing and tinggalnya di Melbourne jugaa hahaha (n ternyata dy satu gereja ama gw). walaaa pasaran aja ni nama.. seperti kata sandy dlu, dewi nama sejuta umat. haha.. tpi udah ditambah tobing tetep aja ad 3 org yg sama nama.
makanya gw bangga aja sih yg keluar duluan tuh friendster gw, bukan orang lain hohoho..

jadi keinget pas dulu gw di bangkok, gw n temen2 lain juga sering iseng buka website www.namakita.com, misalnya www.dewi.com atau www.dewitobing.com. Seinget gw dulu tuh klo gak ada website yg alamatnya sama, mereka bakal redirect kita k situs yg mirip2 gitu. tapi skarang udah gak kayak gitu.I dont think i even knew google in the year 2000. funny huh.

anyways, its not bad time-killer thing to do. Lo harus coba deh iseng2 k www.google.com and search nama sendiri. aneh tapi seru kok. well, jgn sedih aja klo ga ada nama elo,, hahaha.. berarti emang lo tuh punya hidup n ga sering ngabisin waktu d internet kyk gw.. lol

bodo ahh,, udah 8 tahun nih im attached to this so-called hi-tech thing named 'internet'! loving it!

advertising proposal

2008-02-27T16:29:00.001+11:00

OKay,, i just received a weird email. Sounds attractive ($$$), but unrealistic.
Ada yg dapet juga gaa???

************

Hello,

We have reviewed your blogger.com blog on behalf of one of ourclients that would be interested in placing advertising with you.

Client profile :
DoingFine (http://doingfine.org)
New project (<1 month old)
Theme A forum dedicated to those things that came out right
and worked out fine.

We'd like either a 150x150 button, 160x600 skyscraper or 468x60 fullbanner (or footer). Alternatively, we may be interested in text-onlyadvertising.

This would be a weekly, monthly or yearly arrangement. In either casewe will require a one time, one day (24 hours) free placement in orderto test the quality and quantity of traffic your website can actuallyprovide*. Within this interval, we will make a final determination,based on the traffic volume, quality, and your asking price. Shouldwe find your terms acceptable, this trial day will count towards theagreed interval.

Kindly let us know if you would be interested, which arrangement bestsuits your editorial needs, and what rates you would like to charge.We prefer using PayPal but may be able to accomodate alternativepayment methods.

Thank you.

*Please note that we employ software that reliably detects autoclickand autosurf bots, pay per click and paid to surf type traffic, andother such non-human traffic. This may be a concern for you,especially if you are buying "bulk traffic", or employing theservices of dubious "SEO experts".

citacitacita.

2008-02-27T15:32:00.002+11:00

Back to my target.

Heran gak sih knapa hampir semua anak kecil kalo ditanya soal cita-cita, pasti semua jawabannya 'dokter'?? and kalo udah smp/sma, semua cowo pasti pengen jadi pilot. hampir 90% deh.. gw aja heran. padahal sejak kecil ga pernah loh terlintas dipikiran gw untuk jadi dokter, ato kepikiran jadi istri seorang pilot. haha rada dag-dig-dug kali ya klo tiap minggu hrus berpisah ma suami, n mikir ada kecelakaan ato teroris attack gaa?? *amrik kaliii*
kl gw flashback 15 tahun yg lalu,, ko gw ga inget sama skali ya cita2 gw tuh apaan. apa gw emg ga pernah punya cita2? gw aja nanya nyokap, trus ktnya dlu gw bercita2 utk jadi sperti nyokap! hah? ga salah yaaa.. haha maklum d, msi kecil ga pernah mikir bner..

but eniweis, was not suppose to talk about this.

last week, klo gak salah, gw tiba2 keinget klo beberapa taun yg lalu gw pernah punya cita-cita utk perusahaan terbesar sedunia, which is Exxon Mobil. Padahal tertarik dengan minyak pun tidak, engineering pun juga nggak. ntah knapa, sejak ditawarin untuk internship disana sama one of my lecturer, it just stick on my mind. Makanya gw bertekad *klo Tuhan menghendaki* gw bakal nyoba utk apply n kerja disanaaa. *Amin*

Bukan cuman Exxon Mobil juga sih, gw juga pernah mengingini utk kerja buat BCG (One of the largest companies in the world, and juga one of the best employer worldwide). And titlenya itu tuh klo kerja disitu.. huuu keren deh. Ampe2 buat work placement gw coba apply disitu, sayangnya 3 minggu kemudian gw dapet surat penolakan dari BCG hikks. well, at least gw pernah dapet surat dari BCG, it's a start rite? berawal dari surat penolakan, trus tawaran kerja deee,, *jomplang banget kayaknyaaa* apalagi BCG cuma mo terima top 5 di uni doank.. gilaaaaa!!!

well, setelah dipikir2, kyknya target gw jauh dilangit banget..
will i be able to achieve it? yaaa kita liat beberapa taun kedepan deh..

just writing it down, so i 'll remember when i start to lose focus on my life. xp.

love expert

2008-02-22T02:28:00.003+11:00

Salah satu kelebihan di kantor gw tuh kalo lagi lunch break, kita boleh masuk ke ruang boardroom and nonton foxtel disitu (fyi, foxtel tuh cable tv semacem kabelvision/indovision gitu). tpi ini cuman kalo boardroomnya ga dipake buat meeting.

Ntah kenapa belakangan gw suka banget nonton acara Ellen degeneres show. Sebenernya gw gak terlalu suka sama orangnya (apa mungkin karena dia gay?) tapi setelah dipikir2, yah itu urusannya dia lah, yang penting gw dihibur ama acaranya.
Well it turns out Ellen lumayan lucu. lucunya tuh lucu sarcastik, and gw termasuk orang yg suka sarcasm sih (dani pun bilang gw sarcastik banget). So, makanya beberapa hari ini acara itu slalu menemani gw makan siang.

Kocaknya, hari ini Ellen kedatangan tamu yg lucuuu (baca: kiuuut cute) banget. Dia mengaku dirinya sebagai Love & Relationship expert. and he is only 8 years old!!!! hahaha kocaaaaak! its a classic!
gw lupa sapa nama ni anak, tapi dia udah bikin buku ttg relationship between girls and boys.
Yah emang sih isinya tuh hal2 umum yg udah kita ketahui, tpi buat anak seumur dia utk menyadarinyaa,, mann parah banget..
masa dia ngomong gini:
- Klo ada cewe yang ngungkapin perasaannya ke kamu, jangan sampe dia di'ceng'in di depan teman2 kamu. itu bakal bikin suasana ga enak. tpi mending pergi ke tempat yang ada privasinya.
- Cowo paling pinter di kelas tuh ibarat sebuat magnet, yang menarik semua cewe2 kepadanya. Walopun elo dorky, tpi klo cowo paling pinter, udah deh tinggal milih.
- Kalau banyak cewe yang suka kamu, mending pilih salah satu aja deh. klo udah lebih dari satu, wah gawat jadinyaa dah..

hahaha.. gelo, anak umur 8 tahun ngomong kayak gitu..
trus dia bikin research:
- 60% dari cewe2 biasa mencampakkan cowonya
- 70-80% dari cewe2 cantik mencampakkan cowonya.

tu anak research dari mana coba?? lol
dia bilang sih, bukunya ini ditulis dari hasil pengamatan dia selama jam istirahat.. kocak banget ga sihh??

and one of his best advice is:
"life's tough! move on!"

you got that one right! anak umur 8 tahun aja tau.. haha
oh ya, trus si Ellen nanya dia udah punya pacar atau belon. Jawabnya "not at the moment, i had one a long time ago when i was in pre-school."
hahaha.
a long time ago. gilaaa.. buat anak 8 tahun a long time ago tuh berapa lama coba..

gw yakin tuh anak bakal jadi cowo yg cakep, populer n mungkin playboy juga. but he seemed like a sweet boy.

asli dehh,, one of a kind tuh anak. ampe skarang gw pengen ketawa bayanginnya.

huaaaa ngantuk.

2008-02-22T02:21:00.004+11:00

jam 2 pagi nih. masih blon ngantuk banget.
abis nulis blog mau nyari lagu buat besok fa deh. tadi disuruh jadi wl gitu.

anywayyysss,,,
pernah ga sih tidur lebih awal dari biasanya trus tengah malem kebangun, serasa udah hari yg berbeda?
hah, yeah. that's what im feeling right now. kayaknya kaget aja gitu tiba2 bangun, kirain udah jam berapa. ternyata masih hari yang sama. that's weird.
samep skarang gw masih penasaran apa sih yg terjadi pas kita tidur. mimpi2 itu. pikiran kita ga beristirahat ato gimana?

ngomong soal mimpi, tadi malem gw mimpi kayak gw jadi buronan gitu. gw n nanaT and 2 orang lagi. aneh bener.
ntahlah. apa iya itu yang ada di dalam pikiran gw? (katanya sih mimpi tuh hasil dari apa yang kita pikirin hari ini)
hmm..
cape juga klo mo dianalisa. dah laa.. yg penting tidur yg nyenyak, mimpi baik, besoknya bangung lagi.. ya ga?

iman atau hikmat

2008-02-22T00:24:00.004+11:00

Its fairly hard dealing with different types of people.
There are two different types of people.
actually, christian is the better word to describe this.
yup, two different types of christians.

Im dealing with them both at the moment actually.
1. tipe kristen yang ber-'iman' banged.
2. tipe kristen yang ber'hikmat' banged.

hoo,, trust me. there are two different types of christians.
and now im in the middle of them both.

Honestly, i need to make quick and bold decisions these days, but the fact is that my decision does not depend on me alone, but other people as well.
i will not mention names, cause it'll be unethical. but yes, these people can really annoy me. even tho they aRe christians. and i mean real christians.

first, the faithful christians (faithful- beriman banget gitu).
no matter what i tell them the consequences and situation is, they'll always wind up saying "Doa aja yah. Tuhan tahu. Dia bakal kasih yang terbaik."
okay im fine with that, and i totally agree.
these types of christians are active in prayers, but they dont really give their effort 100% to try.
They are calm and really believe that no matter what, everything's gonna be alright,
i know God will give me the best in life, but if i dont start doing my part, He's gonna tell me"I've given you the best, its right in front of you. But you just didnt reach out ur hand to grab it."
now whose fault would that be?

secondly, the wise christians (wise-penuh hikmat gitu).
No matter how much you remind them of faith, they'll end up saying "But God wants us to do our best, we cant just sit around and do nothing."
these types are more of the worry warts. well not really actually. They have faith in God, but they also believe that our actions will affect 70% of the end result.
They pray and believe in God as well (duh, they are christians) but somehow, they are very much logical. It has to make sense and total up.,

now, when you are in my position and you have to choose in what to do, believe me, you cant make up ur mind, cause they both make sense.
One is telling you to have faith and surrender to God (pray). The other one is telling you to do your best, and do what ever you can to get the best result (action).

As in my case, i totally have no idea what to do.
I guess that's why i have to stick close near God so i would know what He wants me to do.

Well if you ask me which type of christians i am likely to be? both.
but honestly, if i have to chooose. Im the first type. well, im both, but lebih condong ke tipe yg pertama sih.
Maybe im in denial, but i know i have faith in Him whom i can trust. ;)
and in everything that has happen, i know none of my actions affected it. Its all His grace for me.

"Jika aku harus bermegah, maka aku akan bermegah atas kelemahanku" 2 kor 11:30
"Cukuplah Kasih-karuniaKu untukMu, justru dalam kelemahanlah kuasaKu menjadi sempurna" 2 Kor 12:9

for i know, in my weaknesses, His strength is there and is sufficient for me.
That's my Faith!

now i have to get back to reality, and try to figure out what i need to do.

stocktake self.

2008-02-03T23:16:00.000+11:00

been feeling kinda hectic lately.
feels like all my energy is just being drained out.

*sigh*

gotta start prioritizing what's important and not in my life.

gotta realize that not everything needs to be done.
im no superwoman and i wont ever be.

organize!
schedule!
prioritize!

come dewi you could do it!

relax. spend time alone.
no need to be with everyone everytime.

gain back yourself. focus!
stay in control.

plan. spontaneous is good. but not for everytime!

find out your calling.
your purpose.
His plan for you.
then you will know, and use time wisely.
stay in track.

whatever you do, just stay in His presence.

*Love You!*

2oo7 - o8

2007-12-26T14:21:00.001+11:00

Lagi-lagi setaun udah berlalu lagi..
Gilaaaa, so fast man.. this year I turned twenty.. hehe.. tpi ud kebiasa dehh..

2007:
- it’s a year I turned twenty!!! Haha I still cant let go of this one.. im missing my teenage age xp
- a year that I started without hope. But rather I let myself be depressed.
- a year that I promise God I’m gonna trust my life to Him completely
- a year where I tried to open my heart and let people actually fill my life, instead of closing my hearts for them protecting myself from being hurt
- a year where I gain many new friends.. new close friends.. church + uni
- a year where God restored my heart.. help me get through all the bitterness and hatred
- a year I got a co-op job which seemed so impossible for international students
- a year I started to love ministering, not to find human’s attention, but ministering with purpose, bringing a difference

tpi Ntah kenapa tahun ini I feel like I didn’t achieve anything yet.. well I guess I did achive some stuff, but it still feels less than what I expected. I dunno what, but I can just feel it..
*no, bukan ttg pacar.. itu sih pilihan gw mo jadian ato gak*

that’s why im gonna write down all my targets for 2oo8..
not a new year resolution than I break all the time, but I really do wanna achieve something extraordinary next year. Im not gonna settle for second best and that’s in every aspect of my life.

But Somehow, im scared facing next year. 2008.
1) my job, even tho my colleagues are great, but I dunt feel peace there,, dunno why. And I’ve been think about nanti klo udah lulus, I wanna get out, but they’ve been so nice.. and I dunno if I have to stay there for my PR..
2) my financial planning diploma.. I think I made the wrong choice in taking this diploma.. it’s not helping me getting to my purpose,, its more like wasting my time..
3) my economics & finance degree.. the co-op presentation.. duhh,, Tuhan beneran dagdigdug nih sama ini…si iron herbs aja juga belon nyamperin gw di tempat kerja…
4) graduation?? Setelah graduation apa?? Di australi atau di indo?? PR kah?

Duh klo dipikir2 byk bgt yg udh harus gw mulai pikirin.. [padahal pacar gak ada, tpi kok kayaknya ud byk banget yg harus dipikirin… another sign that I dunt have the time for a relationship yet..]

I need to find my purpose in life first.
Im not sure what it is, I’ve been asking God and tryna put all the pieces together, but they just don’t match up and there are still missing pieces..
I have so many dreams, but sometimes there are just too many dreams that I don’t think I can do them all. Bingung deh nii…
Ga jelas juga knapa nulis ini hehe..

Kyaknya mau tulis di diary dulu ajaa de. Terlalu personal.

Untitled.

2007-12-25T20:36:00.000+11:00

Duapuluhenam.duabelas.kosongtujuh

Sejak dua malam yg lalu, hp gw di indo ud mulai dipenuhi ma kiriman sms2 dri tmen yg pada ngucapin Merry Christmas, ntah diisi sama gambar2 sms, puisi2 yg indah, ataupun ayat dari Alkitab (hmm, ada juga sih yg langsung straight to the point).

Oleh satu dan lain hal (salah satunya adalah etika), yah haruslah gw bales juga smua sms2 itu. Tpi yah gitu deh, bingung mau isi smsnya make ayat apa atau kata2 apaa.. pengen juga forward sms yg bagus dari temen, tpi rasanya gimana gituu..*gak original ajaa hehe*

Ya udah deh, I decided to write something about Christmas according to myself.

So there I was, Christmas morning. Bangun2 langsung mikir, natal tuh apa sih (buat aku sendiri). Okelayah, sbgai org kristen yg ud lahir baru, namanya santa claus pasti udah dicoret dri pikiran. Tpi apa iya cuman ttg happiness, joy & peace (yg rata2 smua sms isinya begitu). Kalo iya, apa dasarnya??

Yah udah deh, kemaren pagi ak ngomong k Tuhan, “For me Chrismas is about You, Lord.” And i know God was saying back “What is it about Me? Go on?” Ya Tentang Tuhan yg gilaaa baiiiiik banged,, mau ngerendahin diri jd ciptaannya sndiri. Gelo, gw aja gak mau disuruh jadi binatang (yg walopun bukan ciptaan gw, tpi tetep aja nilainya lebi rendah dari manusia), apalagi yg namanya Tuhan (yg bisa ngelakuin apa ajaa) malah mau jadi manusia (yg gak bisa ngapa2in gituuu). Yg akhirnya disiksa sampe mati cman utk ngegantiin & nebus dosa2 gw ( and elo2 smua yg pcayaa xp )

Tpi ga stop disitu ajaa, He came to give us life, life that is abundant. Dia datang untuk kasih kita hidup. Bukan smbarang hidup yg baru, tpi hidup yg penuh kelimpahan. Duhhh gilaaaaa… keren baiiik banged yah Tuhan.??!

Trus setelah dksih hidup baru, what do we do about it? Apa tinggal nrimo ajaa??

The new life is given by God – it’s a grace for us from Him. Kita gak usah ngelakuin apa2 utk ngedapetin hidup baru itu (yaah, slain ngaku Yesus sbagai Tuhan and bertobat of course) But the new lifestyle is what we must build. If we don’t change our lifestyle, then the new life that He has given us will be a waste.. Our lifestyle must reflect our faith. Klo udah dapet hidup baru, tpi gaya hidup kita masih sama kayak yg dulu, la ya sama ajaaa layaa… sia2 yg Tuhan udah kasih.

Dulu Ps. Daniel pernah ngebagiin ttg lifestyle. Katanya sih yg harus diubah dari gaya hidup kita tuh ada 3 (kolose 3:1-4):

1. Tujuan kita hidup (v.1)

2. Pemikiran kita (v.2)

3. Harapan kita (v.3-4)

Scara singkat deh I’ll go thru em all,,

1) our purpose : apa yg kita kejar dihidup ini bakal nentuin seberapa berharganya hidup kita. Klo target kita rendah banget, yah kualitas hidup kita juga bakal serendah itu. Makanya, God told us to seek the heavenly kingdom first, cause hal2 di dunia tuh sementara, n selain itu nilainya menurun, so sia2 deh..

2) Our thoughts and affection: Apa yg berharga dm hidup kita, bakal nentuin berharganya hidup kita atau gak.. dunt love the world, for we have died to the world. Kita udah mati t’hadap : dosa, keakuan, dunia. Don’t only seek heaven, but continually think of heaven. Heavenly things are what Jesus desire.

3) Our hope: Christians survive the world only by setting their mind and heart on heavenly things. Joshua & Caleb circled the desert for 40 years (gelo itu sih hamper seumur idup), but they still have their hope on the promise land.

Dulu gaya hidup kita tuh psti dipenuhi sama yg namanya vanity (kesia-siaan).. but one awesome thing is that God has grabbed us from vanity. So, let’s make the full use of our new life. Change your lifestyle to balance up with the new life. If we have the wrong passion, we could end up in the wrong place.

Jdi yah gitu dehh,, akhirnya gw kirim sms balik k tmen,, yg isinya tuh ttg Hidup yg Dy udah kasih.. intinya gituu siihh… hehe well,, lets not waste this new life..

Merry Christmas my beloved ones!

guilt

2007-11-30T12:25:00.000+11:00

honestly, im not trying to be mean or anything.
it's free-will, i know. People are allowed to like anyone.
And i'm really grateful (i know) if there are people out there that puts their heart on me (read: likes me), but i really should think that they should try and understand the hint im giving them. The hint that just means "i just want to be friends". Is that so hard to understand?

suprisingly, i salute these guys. They've been doing the same thing for more than a year, and i have been giving them the same signals over and over again but they just dont get it. it used to work in other guys before and it should've.
correct me if my signals are wrong, but this is what i do:
- i reply their sms' if they do ask questions
- stick to just generic stuff, not personal
- everytime they say "aku-kamu", i'll reply with "gue-elo"
- when they ring me up for the 2nd time in a row, i will not pick the phone up
- i do not reply their sms if they only say "gnite, gmorning, im thinking of u, met istirahat"

please deh.. i dont want to continue this for long, but i dont want to hurt people's feeling.
i've learnt that a lot since i was in junior high, and i guess that's why i learnt not to be to friendly with guys, cuz i dunt wanna give false hope.

duh ditambah lagi im gonna go back to indo and there r 2 specific guys that really makes me not wanna go back to indo, cuz they're really waiting for me n i just dont wanna face them. It sucks cause i really wanna be friends with them,, who wouldnt? since they're so fun & nice, but if i'm stilly friendly to them, they'll just see it as a 'green light' which they will then just 'step on the gas'!

feel tired cuz ive been ignoring them lately, n i dont wanna feel so 'un-free' n guilty..

When i think of You Lord

2007-11-07T13:27:00.000+11:00

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Spirit
how He healed me to the uttermost

when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up, turned me around
how He set my feet on solid ground

it makes me want to shout "Thank You, Jesus!"

Lord, you're worthy of all the glory,
and all the honor and all the praise!

amazingly Him.

2007-10-23T20:40:00.000+10:00

maybe it's kinda late for me to write this down,, should've written it down when it was fresh on my head.. tpi biarlah.. daripada ga ditulis sama sekali..

Jadi ceritanya jumat 2 minggu yg lalu.. bukan jumat kemaren ini, tpi jumat sebelumnyaa..

Ak udah lupa sih aku tuh kenapa.. tpi seingetku, ak lagi dikantor, and kantor tuh emang sepi banget,,, yah sudayaa... sperti biasa, i let myself browse around the net..
i forgot what or where i went to, and i forgot what led me there, but all i remember is that i felt really really empty and miserable afterwards..

i totally forgot what i did. or what had happened..

I was sad, and i felt so alone.
honestly, i've never felt that way before. Atau lebih tepatnya, aku gak pernah ngizinin diri ak ngerasa sperti itu..
all these times i've forced my self to be okay,,
I've never depended on anyone, and i could say that i am an independent person.
I dont share. it's just hard for me to.
Curhat? ga juga tuh. kayaknya males banget cerita2 masalah ke orang lain.
Palingan yg gak terlalu pribadi aja bisa diceritain.. tapi klo udah uneg2 dan temen2nya itu, ntah knapa ak slalu ngerasa ga perlu utk dibagi ke orang lain..

well, i guess that's one of the causes.

Pokoknya pas pulang dari kantor, dijalan naik bis, bener2 deh ak ngerasa sendiri banget, and bener2 ga tau mau ngapain. Dunno what to do with my life and just dunno where my life is actually going.
>> oia, setiap jumat ak ada sel group gitu, and dari kantor pasti langsung k apartment temen buat sel group.
Tapi tetep aja, selama di perjalanan pikiran tuh kemana2 deh. Gak konsen sama skali and byk banget pertanyaan2 yg keluar.. Why this? Why that?
Really felt mad as well,. mad with myself.. and mad with God..
Pokoknya smua perasaan tuh kyaknya udah gak bisa ditahan lagi deh..
yang akhirnya bikin ak nangis. di bis.
asli deh, udah gak tau mikir apaan, pokoknya ak coba utk ngeluarin ajaa..
trus akhirnya harus turun, and pindah ke tram gitu..
Sempet mikir apa hari ini gak pergi ke sel group (FA) dulu, tpi sesedih2nya aku, ada perasaan kuat banget yg gak bisa utk ngejauhin Tuhan.. i know it sounds weird and crazy, but I just couldnt. I had the choice. I could not go to FA if i wanted to, but I just knew that in moments like this, the only place to go is to seek God.
I didnt cry again when i went to the tram. Which was good, soalnya tramnya penuh banget.. hari jumat trus jam selesai kerja kan..
eh,, tiba2 ada lagu yg keluar,
"Friend, there will never be a friend
As dear to me as You
There will never be another
Closer than a brother"

mulai deh nangis lagiiii.. gilaaa.. malu2in.. di tram yg penuh gituu..
untungnya yaaa, ak bawa file gitu, trus juga kacamata itam, yg bisa nutupin mukaaa..

duhh,, just to make the long story short (since the crying part really made the journey to my friends apartment really long), at the FA after the sharing, we were told to partner up.. and pray for each other..
Aku dapet Nanat.. and then she prayed for me..
duh Sumpah kaget banget..
dia tuh ngedoain aku "God, You know what she's struggling in, dan di saat Dewi ngerasa sendiri, aku tunjukkan bahwa Engkau ada b'sama dia.. You're her shepherd,, dll"
pokoknya doanya banyak deh, tpi yg nancep banget tuh yah kalimat diatas tadi...

bis itu aku langsung share aja sama nanat, that her prayers was so true... and so right..
God just reminded me that He is with me.. everywhere that i go..

and that's not all..

besoknya ada doa pengerja.. hari sabtu..
seperti biasa lahh,, nyanyi, worship, doaa..
and pas lagi worship gitu, tiba2 c'sherly (duduk disampingku) ngedeketin aku and bisik sesuatu..
dia bilang "Jangan kamu ngerasa sendiri, cause Tuhan selalu ada bersama kamu.. jangan kamu ngerasa kesepian"

pas denger itu ak langsung kaget.. dari yg awalnya nyembah Tuhan, langsung tiba2 diem.. cengo'.. kaget.. gak bisa ngomong apa2..
i was in awe! God's is just amazing...
He's really using everyone around me to realize that i'm not alone..
i cried afterwards.. not because of sadness, no..
but just the fact that God is so real, and He's just so nice.. and amazing..

cause honestly, blon pernah ada orang yg pernah ngomong hal yg tepat banget sperti itu..
i just know that was God.. disaat ak lagi ngerasa down banget, 2 orang udah Tuhan pake utk nguatin aku...

that day i felt so happy again... cause i know, whatever happens- He's there holding my hands..
=)

Email2 lama yg sudah hampir terlupakan..

2007-10-12T14:35:00.001+10:00

2:35pm. Dikantor.
Gak ada orang sama skali. (ada sih, cuman dilantai gw gak ada orang.)

kayaknya belakangan gw lagi kurang kerjaan deh, sejak kemaren gw tuh baca email2 jaman bahala.. asli.. email2 yg dari tahun 2000 (pertama kali gw bikin email khenpy@Hotmail.com itu tuh)..
wahh so much memory.

dari yg awal2nya gak ngerti email itu apaan, trus cuman email2an ama tara doank... *awww, she's my email besty haha.. gw bikin email gara2 diaaa.. ampe skrng kyaknya cma kta ber2 doank yg slalu up-to-date with all the web stuff*
dari yg zaman2nya ngechat dibolehmail.. trus saling kirim e-card satu sama lain.. sampe jamannya msn-an.. wahhh asli dehh gw asyik sendiri gitu bernostalgilaaa..

gw nemu banyak banget email2 lucu and yg udah hampir gw lupain..:

1) email gw ama tara yg omongannya tuh gak penting banget.. bisa ttg tebak2an atau gossip2 di putra atau sib..

2) email gw & tara yg ngomongnya masih aku & kamu gitu.. trus kita curhat2an make font "windings" hahaha biar gak dibaca ama syapa2..

3) email dari seseorang yg menembak gw & mengirimkan lagu ciptaannya ke gw lewat email.. hahaha duh ndre,, ampe saat ini gw masih meragukan itu lagu sbnernya buat syapa sih.. haha

4) email dari 'seseorang' yg abis nembak gw, and dia bilang terimakasih.. karena dia sudah hampir gila seblum menembak gw..and skarang dia bisa normal lagi.. =)

5) email curhatan yg isinya tuh tnyata mantannya sandy nyaranin gw utk jangan jadian sama sandy, karena menurut dya gw bakal disakitin. <-- gelo, gw bener2 udah lupa sama yg ini, and pas tadi baca langsung nancep gitu.. ternyata dia bener..

6)email dari om paul yg isinya pendapat anak2 youth ttg gw!! trus jg pendapat om paul sndiri.. and katanya gw klo nyanyi tuh semangat bikin orang2 jadi semangat jugaa... =) ternyata emang dari duh sih kayaknya Tuhan uda netapin gw di bagian p&w.. ^^

7) email yg isinya tuh gw bikin prank email ke ichaa.. pokoknya email yg menjebak and akhirnya dia nulis nama co yg dy sukaa.. haha.. dan ternyata oh ternyata..

7) Email gw & mba inez, yg gw nanya dia gpp kan klo gw jadian sama sandyy.. walaaaahh... ternyata gw ampe minta izin gituu.. duhh lucu & aneeeh!!! haha tpi dia blg gpp,, soalnya dy jg jadian berapa bulan doankk.. =)

8) Email curhatan ke tara yg isinya tuh gw ditembak kesekian kalinya sama sandy tapi gw tolak terus.. duh gw aja ampe lupa gw tnyata dulu nolak2 dia.. terus si acit ngomelin soalnya gw tolak terus.. haha kocakk..

9) Email dri k'tina yg isinya tuh ttg gw harus putusin si diaa... yang kalo diinget2 bikin gw kesel saat ituu.. haha tpi i know i would've done the same thing if i were them.

10) email gw k sandy yg isinya tuh gak tau apaan, soalnya geli banget pas mau bacaa... sok2 pake luapan emosi gitu... haha.. asli dehh ampe skarang gw gak mau baca.. cuman baca paragaf akhirnya doank... geliii banget!!

11) email2an gw sama riana,, kangen2an ttg bangkok and curhat2 ttg masa transisi gw.. ternyata kayaknya berat juga pas itu... tapi setelah ngelewatin masa2 itu ternyata emang possible juga kok.. gak seberat yg dibayangin dulu...

dan banyaaaaaak lagiii...

ternyata itu semua masih ke-save di email gw.. duhh bener2 jadi flash back nihh...

ntah kenapa sedih juga.. sedih campur seneng sih bisa inget2 kembali.. tpi yahh banyak rasa kangennya..

kangen bangkok, soalnya pertama kali gw kenal teknologi baru bernama internet ini kan sejak gw pindah ke bangkok..

wahh,, nearly 8 years nih since i've known the internet technology.. and so many things has happen through it as well..

curhat2an lewat email, chatting2 yg bisa berujung ke 'tembak menembak' atau bisa jadi 'pertengkaran' jugaa.. banyak banget dehh... gak nyangka dengan adanya internet bisa bikin hidup lebih interesting jugaa...

tpi gw juga jadi inget, dulu kayaknya gw addicted banget sama internet.. ampe2 bokap tuh ngelarang gw main internet.. haha.. klo diinget lucu banget sih.. but yeah, somehow, i think im just really attached to it.. dunno why..

2007-10-11T16:34:00.001+10:00

baru nemu ini dari email.. dikasih dri mba inez skitar 6 tahun yg laluu,, guileee,,, waktu emang cepet banget sih.. and so precious...

To realize the value of One Year,

Ask a student who failed his or her exams.

To realize the value of One Month,

Ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of One Week,

Ask an editor of a weekly magazine.

To realize the value of One Day,

Ask a daily wage laborer who has six kids to feed.

To realize the value of One Hour,

Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of One Minute,

Ask a person who misseh their train.

To realize the value of One Second,

Ask the person who survived an accident.

To realize the value of One Millisecond,

Ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Bener banget niyy,, bener2 harus bisa ngehargain waktu.. kalo gak yah udah telat deh buat menyesal. gak ada gunanya lagi... =(

Something Special

2007-10-11T09:27:00.001+10:00

Duh, dapet email nih.
Cuman email iklan doank sih.
Tapi laghi nawarin donor darah gitu..
Katanya klo ngedonor darah bisa nyelamatin 3 orang.. duhh keren banget..

tapi boro2 aja ngedonor darah, ngebayangin darah mau diambil aja lutut gw langsung lemes..
duh apalagi setelah 1 liter darah diambil.. eh satu liter ga yaa?? haha ngasal ya gw,,

pengen banget sih bisa bantu orang2 yg butuh gitu..
ehh darah gw sehat gak yaa tpii.. haha,, gitu2 ntar orang yg dapet darah gw malah tambah parah gara2 ada kebanyakan apaa gituuu didarah gw.. coklat kah??! xp

duhh paan sih nih, ga jelas banget hari ini.. hmmm harus memberanikan diri nih klo mo ngedonor.. mikir2 dlu daaah,,,

udah de,, harus kerja!

Excellent Sacrifice

2007-10-11T09:27:00.000+10:00

sacrifice

i just read the last chapter of 2 Samuels today.
and it was amazing when David said that He wouldnt give to the Lord something that dooesnt cost him anything.

A gift that cost you something. You have to pay for it. Either with money, time, energy, talent, you name it.
That's what i call a sacrifice. Pengorbanan.

It hurts to pay. It really does. Cause you are losing something that you have been keeping and you're giving it to someone else. But that's really what a sacrifice is. You give to God something that's coming from the inside of you. Something that you treasure and you've held on to. But then you're giving it to the Lord as a symbol saying that, "Lord, You mean more to me than this money. You mean more to me than this time of 1 hour."

Later on in the evening, i decided to do a lil' bit of exercising, since it's been ages since the last time i did..xp and i uploaded a sermon from Ps Jose Carol - Excellent Sacrifice. Its more than mere coincidence, cause i never knew that i had that CD. And one of the part that strike me from the sermon was when Ps Jose said "God is not obligated to accept your sacrifice!"
*deg!* nancep banget!!!

Not everything that we offer to God will be accepted. Like Cain, God didnt want to accept His sacrifice.

Has God been accepting all the offerings i've given to Him? Or i just dont know that he actually has rejected some of my offerings cause i've just given it to his as an "obligation".

It just one of those days when i have to reflect back.

Thank you?

2007-10-05T10:02:00.002+10:00

"Be bold, be strong, for the Lord is with you" (Joshua 1:9)

Simply love this verse: be bold! why? Cause God is with me.
whatever i need for today, i can just walk boldly knowing that God is with me and providing me with what i need.
Emang susah, soalnya berjalan dgn iman tuh gak gampang. But that is the test isnt it?
Just believe. No doubt. No regrets.
I know God really appreaciates us when we try to trust in Him. even though we cant, we can still ask God to help us in believing Him. That's the best part..

I was in a tram yesterday, and i sat right in the front. So every single person that hopped on the tram has to pass me. There was this girl who went on the tram, and when she passed the driver she said "Thank you." The tram hasnt even rode her to her destination, she just hopped on. So why did she thank him? It wasnt like the tram was about to leave her and then waited for her. She had nothing to thank him for. But she did.

hehe, it just got me smiling. I thought she was weird. Seriously. =)

but then the Holy Spirit just reminded me that it's just like what we were supposed to do. Thanking God, even though we havent seen His promise happened in our life. Thanking Him even before we've witness Him healing our disease. Thanking Him, knowing that He'll make a way even though we cant see it right now. Thanking Him for the bright & promising future He's going to give us, even though we're still living the present. Thank Him.

So then i realized that the girl was actually 'riding with faith'. She thank the driver because she knew he will ride her to the place she wanted on the very first step she went on the tram.

*wow* its just so amazing how just those little things God used to remind me of Him..

He's just so amazing!

and yeah.. I thank Him for I know whatever i'm experiencing right now, wont compare to all the wonderful promises He has in store for me in my life.

Thank You, Lord! =)

9/11

2007-09-11T11:34:00.001+10:00

Gue gak tau yah banyak orang sadar atau nggak. Tapi hari ini tuh sebenernya the 6th Annivesary of 11th September 2001 alias 9/11 tragedy.

Gue awalnya juga gak sadar, masa sih? 6 tahun yg lalu kah?? Man, so fast!

We see how the world has changed completely after the 9/11 [read: nine-one-one] tragedy. Every country is just too over-protective, keeps on suspecting others, its just so weird.

But as time goes on, we actually get use to that. Not globally, no. Im not talking about countries against other countries, but im talking in out individual lives.

Gak tau sih, tpi kalo hidup gw, gw emang jadi terbiasa nggak percaya ama orang lain.
Bisa dihitung pake jari berapa orang yg gw bisa bener2 'pour my heart out to'.
Klo dipikir2 emang gak ada hub-nya sama skali sih sama 9/11. Maybe its just the way i was brought up, or things from the past.

I've learnt to know myself more though. I know im not an opened person, alias i'm an introvert.
But i can be extrovert, then again its only to people that i feel like they've accepted me.

Yesterday i met a friend (yahh bukan temen juga sih, tpi kenal aja) and she didnt smile at me or anything, but we've talked a couple of times. Emang sih tampangnya tuh tampang2 jutek gitu, maklum dehh.. tpi tetep aja, she didnt make the first move. yah udah i didnt say anything to her as well.. takut gondok.

And then, i've realize that if im in a big group of people, i'll *shrink*.
Honestly, gw tuh orang yg kadang2 bisa PD banget, but at other times i just feel like a nobody.
so yeah, i guess that's why im often quiet at times.

Trying to change though. But its just something that's been build up in you for ages, and it'll take a while to change. Process. That the key word.

lahh dari 9/11 kok jadi ttg diri gw sndiri..
nahh tuh satu hal lg ttg gw. suka tidak FOKUS! x)

synonyms

2007-09-10T14:04:00.000+10:00

dunt mind me. just listing some synonyms x)

5 senses of glorious

Sense 1glorious (vs. inglorious) => bright => celebrated, historied, storied => divine, elysian, inspired => empyreal, empyrean, sublime => illustrious => incandescent => lustrous

Snse 2glorious, illustrious, redoubtable, respected => proud (vs. humble)

Sense 3glorious => blessed (vs. cursed), blest

Sense 4brilliant, glorious, magnificent, splendid => impressive (vs. unimpressive)

Sense 5glorious, resplendent, splendid, splendiferous => beautiful (vs. ugly)

5 senses of faithful

Sense 1faithful (vs. unfaithful) => firm, loyal, truehearted => true to(predicate), true => true Also See-> constant#3; true#1; trustworthy#1, trusty#1

Sense 2close, faithful => accurate (vs. inaccurate)

Sense 3authentic, reliable, faithful => trustworthy (vs. untrustworthy), trusty

Sense 4faithful => reliable (vs. unreliable), dependable (vs. undependable)

Sense 5faithful, fast(prenominal), loyal, true => constant (vs. inconstant)

admire
adore, applaud, appreciate, approve, cherish, commend, credit, delight in, esteem, eulogize, extol, fall for*, glorify, go for*, hail, honor, idolize, laud, marvel at, moon over*, praise, prize, rate highly, respect, revere, treasure, value, venerate, wonder at, worship

glorify
aggrandize, apotheosize, augment, beatify, bless, canonize, deify, dignify, distinguish, elevate, enhance, ennoble, enshrine, erect, exalt, halo*, honor, idolize, illuminate, immortalize, lift up, magnify, raise, revere, sanctify, sublime, transfigure, uprear, venerate, worship acclaim, bless, boost, build up, celebrate, commend, cry up, eulogize, exalt, extol, hike, honor, hymn, laud, lionize, magnify, panegyrize, put up

worship (noun)
adoration, adulation, awe, beatification, benediction, chapel, church service, deification, devotion, exaltation, genuflection, glorification, glory, homage, honor, idolatry, idolization, invocation, laudation, love, offering, praise, prayer, prostration, regard, respect, reverence, rite, ritual, service, supplication, veneration, vespers

worship (verb)
admire, adore, adulate, bow down, canonize, celebrate, chant, deify, dote on, esteem, exalt, extol, glorify, idolize, laud, love, magnify, praise, pray to, respect, revere, reverence, sanctify, sing, venerate

admiration
account, adoration, affection, applause, appreciation, approbation, approval, deference, delight, esteem, estimation, favor, fondness, glorification, homage, honor, idolatry, idolization, liking, love, marveling, obeisance, pleasure, praise, recognition, regard, reverence, valuing, veneration, wonder, wonderment, worship

honor (noun)
account, adoration, adulation, aggrandizement, apotheosis, approbation, attention, canonization, celebration, confidence, consideration, credit, deference, deification, dignity, distinction, elevation, esteem, exaltation, faith, fame, fealty, glorification, glory, greatness, high standing, homage, immortalization, laud, laurel, lionization, notice, obeisance, popularity, praise, prestige, rank, recognition, renown, reputation, repute, reverence, tribute, trust, veneration, worship, wreath

honor (verb)
acclaim, admire, adore, aggrandize, appreciate, be faithful, be true, celebrate, commemorate, commend, compliment, decorate, dignify, distinguish, ennoble, erect, esteem, exalt, glorify, hallow, keep, laud, lionize, magnify, observe, praise, prize, respect, revere, reverence, sanctify, sublime, uprear, value, venerate, worship

Family in God.

2007-09-09T02:09:00.000+10:00

Having to move from one place to another really meant leaving one culture to another. It also meant leaving one friends to another, leaving on habits to another, leaving one home to another, leaving the past to the future, and so on. For those who knew my family would know & have come to realize that this was not something new for me. All the things we've gotten used to had to be left behind. From all those friends, homes, schools, and everyday lifestyle had to be changed and we step to new ones.

Just did a bit of reflecting in my life today, and i noticed all the changes that i had to make. One of them was my 'family'.

=)

To come and think of it, i've got 3 families by now.

hehe, no. I'm not talking about my real blood-related family, but rather more my Family in faith.

First family that i had was in BIC-Bangkok, then i moved LGM-Mayapada, then now to BIC-Melbourne.

It just started to reflect me how each of the families in those places really build me and mould me to becoming a better person. I didnt realize it then, but i do realize it now.

Honestly, I didnt really feel like i belonged to BIC-Bangkok. Especially in the years 2002. It just seemed that people (esp the youth) kinda judge me and all that. I really did all those ministry just for the sake of it. Every saturday, i felt a burded inside of me everytime i had to go to those youth meetings, and i just felt like i didnt connect with anyone at all. I really felt self-insecure at that time. I thought that people would mis-judge me n talk about me behind my back.
But yeah, i knew they cared for me. Its just that i didnt really believed it cause i really dont understand their actions.
They were all interesting experience though. I really missed them all, and i see how they all became children of God that're really thirsty n hungry for Him. I sincerely salute them for being so faithful in such a young age!

YCC-Mayapada. Hmm, the first time i went there, i didnt really think that it was my place as well. How could i not, i didnt know anyone there at the first meeting (since it was a new church) and most of them were old. Really.. they were. I was introduced to a couple of the choir members, but they knew each other since before and it seemed a bit hard to connect with them. So there you go. Another ministry that i didnt really do sincerely.
But then, it just happened. When my world really went upside-down, i tried to still be faithful to God cause I had nowhere else to run to or depend on. But at that exact time, God really trusted my with some responsibilities. It was just so overwhelming and too much to comprehend. But i do believe that it was God and He was taking me to a higher level. After that, i really felt that YCC was my family & home as well.

BIC-Melbourne. Hmm same as both of the above. I did not think that this was my home at first. haha. dunno why but maybe because i've been with this church (the churches that's under Ps Niko's supervision) for quite a while, that i've actually looked down on it. Out of nowhere though, this year, i've actually felt a love for this church and i know that God has put me here. I mean, i've tried to go to other churches last year, but it just didnt happen. I dunno,, the more i tried to runaway from this church, the more God pulls me and tells me to stay. Well, i've been really blessed with this church so far, and i guess its my turn now to bless this church. Dunno how and dunno when. All i know is that I will do whatever He tells me to.

I know there are millions of churches everywhere, no bad ones and no best. But if you just choose one church, and decide to make yourself be planted there, commit yourself, then i know that you will grow and be a blessing. It wont be easy, they'll be many sharp edges here and there, but hey, that's how you become stronger. If i did stop or give up while i was in Bangkok, i dunno where i would be now. I wouldnt have a clue what i would be holding on to. Yes I was dissapointed and felt betrayed, but that's the process. I learnt that your family loves you too much to spoil you and see you enjoy yourselves in sin. It hurts, but it was for the best. 2nd of all, if I didnt take the responsibility that was offered to me in Jakarta (well it wasnt a choice anyway, it was just handed straight to me), i guess i wouldnt learn on how to be a caring friend, a mature friend, a friend that has a responsibility to show others how you should live. I guess i wouldnt realise how much people actually watches you, examines you and really look up to the way you live your life. I was really blessed, and i hoped i was a blessing for them. 3rdly, If i was still looking for the best church right now, dunt think i'll ever find one. But yeah, i made a decision to be planted here, and i've grown. I know i have and i hope others could see that too. Maybe i havent grown much, but i know i have. Now its just time for me to find out what i can to do be a blessing for BIC Melbourne. I wouldnt want to waste any of my time & energy for nothing.

inspiring quotes

2007-08-13T10:50:00.000+10:00

We should not ask, "What is wrong with the world?" for that diagnosis has already been given. Rather, we should ask, "What has happened to the salt and light?" -- John R. W. Stott

postpone

2007-08-12T23:08:00.000+10:00

postponing..

i've been trying to complete a number of task lately. well at least i intend do. but i just never had it done.. let's see, i was gonna edit some photos, write on this blog, clean the closet, etc.. but none of them have i completed..

u know when you just say "i'll just do it tomorrow,, i'll just do it later on.. i feel like resting first.. blablabla" but in the end, you just dont do it.

i bought a little book, that i could bring everywhere with me.. so i can write down what im gonna do. but in the end, it ended up just being a book that i just bring around everywhere.

u know that saying "Where there's a will, there's a way".. im not sure that's 100% correct yet.

i mean, look at me. i had the will to do those stuff, but still i didnt get it done. You just have to force yourself sometimes. You cant let your mood or body control you, but it's you that controls your body.

Yes you're tired, Yes, you're sleepy, but once you have made that plan, do it. otherwise it's not gona be completed at all.

if you keep on saying "i'll do it later,," that later will never come. <-- quoted from my housemate, Hedy, who always keep her word in doing things!

so yeah, postponing might seem okay since you're still gonna do it in the future,, but really.. how often do we ever get the time to do it..

as we indo peep say: don't manja-in ur body!

winter Camp 2007

2007-08-03T01:03:00.000+10:00

waaahhh,, akhirnya i have d chance to write about winter camp..

so what is winter camp?? Winter camp is what you call "retret" in indonesia.
Its a camp from the church where we fire up our spiritual heart again..

wel,, d theme for dis year's camp is --> "UNDIVIDED HEART" !!! yeeaayy!!

to be honest, i didnt actually prepare my heart for this camp.
siapin sih siapin yahh.. tpi ak kira Tuhan cuman bakal ngomong gitu2 doank.. ak tuh udah netapin dulu "pasti Tuhan mo negor aku ttg ini.. pasti masalah ini"
tpi gak bangeddd.. you could never out-guess God.. i mean, pikirannya Tuhan tuh gak kejangkau bangedd.. so, i admit i was totally wrong!!..

Hari pertama winter camp..
the first session : Encounter wit the Lord,, being a 2nd generation, i was always inside the border.. My family has always made sure that i was inside the safe border, so yeah.. here i am.. Made some mistakes, yeah thats for sure, but if there was a category of good people,, all would think that i belong there. Which honestly isnt true at all. That's why i do rebel at times. Cause yeah, you just cant be inside the border all the time. You have to experience an encounter with God, then we can definitely discern by ourself, we dont need other people watching over us and making sure that we're doing the right thing.
To be frank, i've always wanted to step into a higher level (wit God), but there is just something that's bothering me n ngehambat aku gak bisa maju. I dunno wat it is.. i thought it was bout my ex, but then again, masa sih itu lagi itu lagi.. kayaknya gak deh.. i've moved on, and God knows that. I've tried my best to just let it go. So yeah, there i was in camp just asking God to show me..and you know what,, God did tell me what was wrong..
well,, lets just say that i have some bitterness in me. bingo!
one door open,,, lets see what God has instore for me next.

Revival 1: Ps Mark McLandon was preaching tonight. and to be honest, i've heard him preach this before, so i thought "God, i know how the story goes, and i know what he's gonna pray about." and yeahh,, again i thought i was smarter than Him. Cause i remembered totally last year he preached the same stuff in mayapada, and in the altar call God just completely blew me over.. i was amazed, touched n changed then.. And i thought that it would be the same that night. But u know what, it was different. God spoke different stuff to mee.
This time it was forgiveness! lanjutan dari yg pertama.. =)

Session 2: Ps Dianne Manusama. Ohh this session just completely blew my head off. was amazed by the way God really searches my heart and He showed me things that's not right with me.
>> Indenial. yup,, i was totally indenial for the last 3 years probably. and yeah, i've forgive them.

session3: Girl session,, to be honest.. it was a great session.. telling girls to realize how valuable they are and not to just give everything away to guys. *yey!! go girl!!* and to love is to give, not to take. So if a guy loves you, they wont take ur virginity away,, they'd wait. And it taught me to really keep my standards high.. not to settle for second best. Kadang2 smua orang tuh suka nrimo2 ajaa.. padahal yg terbaik tuh tinggal selangkah lagi, tpi mereka udah langsung nyerah, and milih cowo yg didepan mata mereka. padahal tuh cowo bukan yg terbaik buat mereka. Emang gak ada yg namanya cowo terbaik, tpi maksudnya tuh cowo yg emang paling baik buat mereka. yg bisa ngertiin and yg pas deh. bukan berarti yg gak ada kekurangannya lohh.. but yeahh,, i know the best for me is just a step away. and im not worried you know,, cus i know im living for God, and He'll surely provide me with wat i need.
Well in this session i didnt really feel anything special besides the above.

Revival 2: Prophecy!! it was great.. got some cool prophecies. but im still practicing in doing it. although its kinda hard, but i know God's gonna use me!

Session 4: Sealing the commission. Saying yes, and taking a step!

I guess that's about it. It was a great camp, totally life changing. and i've felt lots of differences ever since. (good ones of course)

okayy,, that's not all..
saturday: Hook Up and Break up!!

sunday: Mercy over judgement!! this service just totally amazed me!!! pas altar call, jujur ajah aku tuh gak tau mau maju gara2 apa. udah gak kepikiran aja orang2 yg pernah nyakitin aku. and seingat gw, gw udah maapin mereka smuaa.. asli smuaaa dehh.. dari keluarga mpe yahh u know who.. tpi ntah knapa kyak ada dorongan aja buat maju.. so yeah, gw maju.. and you know what, Tuhan keren bangedd.. i ask God to show me.. show me the people that i have judged n hated before.. trus beneran dehhh Tuhan nunjukkin.. asli , klo bukan gara2 Tuhan gw tuh pasti udah gak inget... soalnya ud gw lupain.. jujur gw pernah benci banged ma orang (padahal anehnya gw blom ketemu dia) n gw pernah nyumpahin, n ngbayangin dy mati dll.. pokoknya parah bangedd dehhh.. yg bener2 bencii bangeddd.. n pengennya dy menderita ajaaa.. trus pas minggu Tuhan tuh beneran bukain.. n yeah,, minta ampun deh gw.. ngerasa bersalah banged.. padahal dy gak ada salah ama gw.. yahh mungkin ada, tpi yahh gak sepantasnya utk mati laaahh.. duhh kadang2 i think im so mean..

but yeahh it sure has been a great month!!..

Awesome July 2007!

2007-07-25T07:54:00.000+10:00

My God, today I look deep within, seeking to understand the mysteries of my faith. Your Word is true and deep – yet my meager understanding only grasps bits and pieces. Your Holy Spirit is my hope for unlocking what I cannot discern with my own human understanding – and I cry out for your help! As I cry, I hear your call to rest in your peace!

Thank you, Lord, that your love is so great for those who have yet to find you – and that even though there is a great unrest afoot, you are at work causing “all things to work together for good.” What an awesome God we serve!

I am praying for all of my brothers and sisters, Lord, that they will stand their ground. For those you have called as your leaders, now is the time to dig their feet in and stand on your truths and on your power to accomplish all things according to your will. I hear you remind me that you will keep us safe and strong. You have always had your eyes on us from the moment of our birth. We have never been alone, even when we felt alone.

May your angels of protection follow my brothers and sisters all around the world, into every country and village. May the presence of our Lord and Savior be apparent to all with eyes to see and ears to hear, and may every stronghold within the sound of our prayers be brought down as many new brothers and sisters are brought safely into the family of God.

I know you do not expect perfection. I know you use struggles to grow and refine us. I also know we are not to fear struggles – and we are to anticipate your greatness and your victories, no matter what circumstances we face. Draw us all to yourself so we can see you as you are, which in itself will wipe away the fears.

I humble myself before you, my God, knowing you are who you say you are. It is a sobering and exhilarating experience to look to you as you are. I do not understand it all, but my faith is not blind. You are revealing yourself to all of us in these days – if we will just look in Your direction.
I cry out to your Holy Spirit, needing your help! I cannot continue on as you have called me without a deeper, more intimate walk with you. My human side can only understand and comprehend so much, but my spiritual being is built to last forever – and can absorb all the Holy Spirit has to share.

Even though, with each passing day, the challenges seem to get a little harder, my peace seems to increase. I appear to have less and less “head knowledge” ruling my life, and more and more spiritual learnings that are absorbing into my inner being. Only your Holy Spirit can accomplish such a thing!

I also know that, left to my own devices, I would easily fall victim to the fears and struggles of this world. That is why my dependence on your Holy Spirit is so vital. Without the presence of your Holy Spirit guiding and directing me, I would have been sidelined years ago. Yet, here I sit, beaten up and bruised, yes, but even more determined to fight the fight of faith.

I cry out today for a deeper faith – a stronger trust – and greater dependence on the Holy Spirit and your Word. I cannot live in this world any longer without your wisdom. Spiritually, I am so very hungry, and I know the people you have placed me with are the same. To say we need a fresh new wind of your Spirit is to put it very mildly.

For myself, I cannot take one more step unless you shine your light on it. In these days especially, I need your wisdom and discernment. I have many decisions to make, so I humble myself under your sovereign hand and ask the Holy Spirit to shine his light on my path so I do not misstep. Help me my God – I am in desperate need!

But when he, the Spirit of Truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. (John 16: 13-14 NIV)

-Carolyn Baker

2007-07-23T23:09:00.000+10:00

okay,, i'm not keeping my word.

i'm actually writing back in this friendster blog.

A song is on my mind a lot recently. It started since last week at the sunday service, the worship leader led us in singing that song. And it just kept on circling around my head.

well its not a new song,, but the lyrics are great.

it goes : 'How great is our God , sing with me How great is our God. And all will see How great, How great is our God.'

I went to this website once when i was searching the chords of this song, and a person commented the song.

He practically said : "Maybe it's way easy for me & all the people at church to sing that song. But for people who actually are in hunger, pain, sickness or even dying, how would they see that God is great?"

Man, that just strucked me. Isnt it our job to let them see how great God is?

* a m a z e *

2007-07-18T20:44:00.000+10:00

wowww... had a great & amazing month..!!!

asliii deee.. just so amazing...
want to pour everything out in here... but i feel so lazy to type it...
haha wish people can just know wat's on my mind...

btw,, its my 3rd day working todayy!!
so far so good!!

ahhhhh gilaaa.. Tuhan keren bangedd!! asliii...

loph u God!!!

todays devotion

2007-06-21T09:39:00.000+10:00

Juz listened to Joyce Meyer’s sermon,, it was talking bout what Jesus would think..
Gw ditegur, cuz sumtimes we jus judge people who aren’t like us.. If we’re a fast learner, and our friends aren’t, we would get really irritated.. but if God didn’t give us d grace to understand fast, we would be a slow learner as well..
So why should we judge them..??
Juz trying to love others..
And then I read in Romans 12…
Your love must be real… not the love that just wants to look real by others.. but that is really2 real.. is my love real?? Sometimes I dunt think so…
Do not be lazy but work hard… duhh,, God forgive me, if I haven’t been doing my best.. in my studies and everything.. bener2 deh Tuhan.. minta ampun.. it’s like everyone’s been reminding me to do d best… but I juz need to push myself and force myself aswell.. help me God..
Be joyful because you have hope… yup,, this is also another reminder for me.. Grace has been reminding me of this as well.. and I know.. d joy of the Lord is my strength!
Love you God..
I have hope because of You,, and that’s why I’ll rejoice.. ^^

flashback

2007-06-19T09:53:00.000+10:00

20th bufday : Melbourne --> 1st time far from fam,, at verve 501

19th bufday : Jakarta --> it was a sunday!! wit all dose YCC kiddos

18th bufday : Jakarta --> coco ruined my mobile.. wasnt single ;)

17th bufday : Jakarta --> one of d best!! surprise from Dani & Grace!!

16th bufday : Bangkok --> it was on a thursday i think.. was it when he gave me song? fugot!

15th bufday : Bangkok --> celebrate it wit all d ebtanas kids,, yg laen masi ulangan.. bf sick!

14th bufday : Bangkok --> somehow i totally fugot dis bday! didnt remember a thing.. =( 1st bday in bangkok tho!!

13th bufday : Jakarta --> a sunday,, on monday all d girls ignored me.. oyeahh disiramin..

12th bufday : Jakarta --> sls ebtanas.. lupa ngapainn..

mann,, im twenty x)

my twentieth bufday!

2007-06-18T19:26:00.000+10:00

hmm,, another bifday!!
haf to make a new resolution for myself.. but since it's exam week, i'll postpone it..

d first time i haf a birthday far from my fam!! x( but i haf my sis..

haha it was such a funny nite..
it was around 11:58 we were all studying (lisa, me & dani) in d living room. Lisa suddenly ask if she could used d internet, and of course i led her to my room where d internet was. Bis itu dy yg nanya2 soal podcast gitu.. aneh bgt! katanya mo pake internet tpi malah suruh gw nunjukkin cara suscribe podcast gituu de.. trus dari luar gw dnger Dani tuh lagi buka fridge trus juga ada suara tas plastik gituu.. gw ud yakin aja pasti lg ngeluarin kue.. hahaha PD bangedd gw..
gw ketawa2 aja tuh sambil pura2 ngejelasin ke Lisa.. hahaha
pas gw liat komp, jam udah jam 00:03.. gw ud mikir aja pada mo ngapain nii..
ehh tiba2 ada suara bel gituu.. tpi si Dani teriak2 "I'll get it,, I'll get it".. eh sampe 5 kali tetep ga diambil, ya udah gw mau keluar dunk, cuz i haf a feeling its my friend.. eh trus pas keluar udah gelap gitu living roomnya trus ada kue di carpet + lilin2.. trus ada dani lagi main gitar mau maen lagi Happy Birthday,,, hahaha tpi masih tetep aja ada yg nge-bell2.. gw gak konsen dunkk..
tnyata chloe yg telpon...
yah udah gw suruh dy ke atas..
trus gw ketawa2 gitu ama dani.. soalnya surprisenya dy & lisa rada gagal.. hahaha
trus udah 10menitan gitu tpi kok si Chloe gak naek2.. jadi makin curiga... yah udahh kt tunggu aja..
trus tiba2 ada yg ngetok.. si Chloe.. bawa 1 muffin.. ahh so sweet hehe.. she's such a sweet gal..
eehh trus ada buntut2nyaa.. si Yoli, yolly, william & hans.. with another cake..
so i had 2 cakes & 1 muffin.. haha.. masih byk sisa tuhh di fridge..
altho i didnt celebrate it wit my close fam & friends, i did celebrate it wit my sweet sista and some of my recent close & nice friends.. they're nice..

uhh.. still miss indo tho..
but yeahh i had a great time..

now i need to concentrate on my exam tomorow..

buhbye!!

hmm bdw,, Welcome Twenty!!
Happy Birthday Me!!

EnLarge My Circle of Luv,,

2007-05-19T09:36:00.000+10:00

a sermon by Ps Joel Osteen really blessed me,,
it was saying about how too often we only associate with people just like us, people that look like us, that have our same interests or have our same personalities. It's easy to include them because we feel comfortable. But what about the people that don't dress like us, the people that don't come from our same background or neighborhood? All too often we write them off and think, "They're not like me. They don't believe what I believe, they don't do the things that I like to do." I firmly believe that God put these people in our life for a reason. His love is inclusive, not exclusive. When you enlarge your circle of love to include all types of people, you are being merciful. Give people the benefit of the doubt. When they seem to shut you out, simply draw a larger circle and include them. When you do, you will be expressing the unconditional love of Jesus and God will make sure His mercy and compassion is extended back to you. << quote from what he said,,

Stop looking down on other people,, We dont know what they have been thru that made them like this.. We dont know the reason that this person is doing drugs or is so bitter.. maybe they really had a hard problem that we've never experience before..

Our job is to present the truth,, not to change people.. it's not to judge people, but get to know them.
prejudice = pre judge,,
get to know them rather than judging them always,,
sow mercy , reap mercy..

that really hit me.. really2 did...
it realizes me how many friendships i might've missed out on because i judge those people before i knew them... How i shut them out of my life because i thought i knew that they would be compatible with me...

hmm how now i understand,,,,

overpopulated???

2007-05-15T21:14:00.000+10:00

as we all know, indo has around 200mill people a.k.a population in that not-so-large land,,
but since i moved to aussie, indo's are everywhere as well,,
when i turn right, there would be a person saying "hah? gila looo"
when i turn left, a guy would be saying to his friend "mo makan dimana?"
when i'm at campus, there would be an asian kid saying "gue blom ngerjain assignment nee"
when i'm at the tram, there would be people saying "turun sini yok"
when i'm in my apartment lobby, there would be a person saying "duh cape nehh"

hello,,,,??? am i in indonesia???
right now im just thinking there's so many indo peeps in melbourne, yet the population in jakarta still doesnt get lesser and lesser...
(well,, maybe coz most of the kids r not from jakarta as well,, some comes from surabaya, malang and so on)
but still,, it's still too overcrowded in indonesia, yet many indo people study overseas...
melbourne, singapore, sydney, LA, NY, you name it all...
doesnt the fact that many students study overseas help population rate to decrease... at least for a little while??..

i wonder why???

well,, klo dipikir2,, peopl that studies overseas are only 10,000 if u total it... well probably more.. but it wont reach to a million i guess,,, and our overall population is 200 million..
i guess dat explains it...

duu,, gw nanya ndiri jawab ndiri... pareee

2007-03-20T16:58:00.000+11:00

interviewed with Hamish....

Got d Job!!!!

Thanx Jesus!!! Laf U

2007-03-19T16:48:00.000+11:00

fashionistaaa?????????!!!!!!!!

gello,,, td while i was walking at Myers, a lady suddenly stopped me and asked where i bought my tights!!! haha....

truss,,,

2 weeks ago,, at a career's expo... pas lagi ngambil brochure2,,, a lady also came up to me and asked where i had bought my dress...

hahahhaa.... bikin rasa PD gw memuncak neeeee................

*proud of Ma StyLe!!! * ;)

1-1-07

2007-01-02T03:23:00.000+11:00

1 jan 07

Hello 2007!!!
Wow!!! It’s d year 2007,,, 20 years ago I was born,,, cie elahhhh,,, prikitiuuu,,,
Juz came back from Singapore niii,, sbenernya bukan liburan sihh,, sekedar gaya aja taun baru diluar negrii,, haha,, lagian baru kemaren siang pergi ke spore,, trus hari ini ud balik k jkt lagiii…

Hmm,, jd critanya kemaren pas mpe spore tuh kita lsg mo cri greja,, coz mum, dad n dani blum pd greja.. tpi pada gak ada gituu,, I phoned Jaime and asked her,, but she didn’t know if there were any services.. jdinya kita di drop d mariott,, trus kita jalan deh k takashimayaa,,,

Intinya,,, we shopped!!! Haha,, gak juga sihh,, dani & grace bought lotsa stuff,, I juz bought hal2 gak penting gituuu,,,

Oh yeahhh,, we ate in a thai resto,, SABAI,, enak bangettt!!!

Taun baru?? Guess where we spent it at?? Di mobill.. haha kena macet.. tpi untungnya we can open d roof top gituu,, jdi kepala kita pada nongol kluarr… we photoed d fireworks,, kheren!!
Cuma kurang satu hal niii.. NO WINE!!! Saying skaliiiiiii

Hmm 2007?!! Am I scared?? Afraid??.. to be honest,, I was.. cuz I didn’t know what im gona face dis year…
But God reminded me, He has lotsa marvelous things in store for me,,, so y shud I be afraid if im walking d path with Him??.. just surrender…
I know it’s gonna be an awesome year…

God,, prepare me,, so I can be ready for wat u have planned for me,.,,

Have I moved on?? Well,, all I can say is that im in the process rite now..
Every second of the day is still a bit hard,, but hey! God’s holding my hand in every step I take,, so I know everything will be okay….

Love u Jesus!!!

R.e.s.u.l.t.s

2006-12-04T16:38:00.000+11:00

Hallelujaahhhh,,,,!!!

Hahaha,,, gilaaa,, Tuhan makasih banget!!!

gak nyangka dehh ama results2 taun iniii,...
semester inii...

padahal ud pasrah aja tuh buat macro2.. asli dehh psrahh..
pas mo uas ud mo nangis,,,
huuuuuhhhh,,

but Lord,, Ur so awesome, Cool and Good!!
thanx for ur guidance n blessings!!!

duhh tpi IP menurun niii...
gotta do better next semester...
gotta haf to do my best.. get a lotta HD!!! Amienn,,,

2007... tahun yg lebih kheren daaah...

wanna do my best,, gotta do my best..
wanna please u Jesus,,, Love ya!!!